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2 1/2 year visit coming up, some concerns

francophoniafrancophonia
in Adoption

Our 2 year visit did not do very well, and I have several concerns.

 1. After how the BD acted,BM agrees that it's a bad idea for him to come, However, I know that they have continued to be on and off this past half-year, and I have reason to believe that she might bring him anyway, or tell him where we are. DW is even angrier than I am, and we are both still relatively upset at how he acted, and how he insulted us. I don't want DD or BM to suffer from BD's bad decisions anymore.

2. DD had her CI surgery, and is now hearing. Of course BM knows about this, but I am concerned about how DD and BM will interact with each other now. Hearing has been a huge transition for DD.

3. The biggest thing I am concerned about is that I am now 12 weeks pregnant via artificial insemination. We are typically private people, and in the past we announced our adoption several days after DD was born and adopted, and for DS we announced our pregnancy once I was large enough that we couldn't hide it anymore. BM deserves to know about another child, but we're not sure if now is the right time. We're also worried she might think that us choosing to have another pregnancy rather than adopting again could be a personal affront, especially considering DD's condition. I could easily see her taking it as an offense that we think adoption didn't work out the first time, and it's simply more complicated than that.

Thanks for listening, will update after the meeting (hopefully I won't forget!)

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Re: 2 1/2 year visit coming up, some concerns

  • sgb721sgb721 member

    I don't think you should hide the pregnancy, but IDK if this particular visit is the best time to discuss it. It seems like emotions might be running high enough as it is so perhaps its best to just get through the visit and then you can always update mom after the visit. Explain that you hadn't shared the news publicly yet, it wasn't personal, but this pregnancy is extras special and you just want to be sure before you raise hopes? (it might not be entirely true, but the purpose is to put everyone at ease). The transition with your daughter hearing her BM during this visit, the possibility of BD showing up seems like enough for one visit.

    Congrats!!!!!!!

    TTC since June 2010
    5 Angels

    Lilypie - (hlC0)
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  • LIQueenLIQueen
    imageStrawberryglobug:

    I don't think you should hide the pregnancy, but IDK if this particular visit is the best time to discuss it. It seems like emotions might be running high enough as it is so perhaps its best to just get through the visit and then you can always update mom after the visit. Explain that you hadn't shared the news publicly yet, it wasn't personal, but this pregnancy is extras special and you just want to be sure before you raise hopes? (it might not be entirely true, but the purpose is to put everyone at ease). The transition with your daughter hearing her BM during this visit, the possibility of BD showing up seems like enough for one visit.

    Congrats!!!!!!!

     

    People have multiple kids...I don't think anyone should think anything about that..not even the BM.

    7/18/12-1st RE appointment CD2 blood work taken. Told to move straight to IVF. Starting BC pills and FSH injections plus Lupron. Hopefully doing ET in September Off BCP March 2011 Started TTC July 2011 7 months TTC with no luck an then.... Diagnosed 2/24/12 with 2 Ovarian Cysts. 3/22/12-Lap to remove cysts, look for endo, and see if tubes are clear. 3/22/12-Diagnosed with Severe Endo(tubes are clear). 4/4/12-Post op OBGYN appointment. Told chances of conceiving naturally are very low, but told conceiving in the next few months is our best chance due to being cleaned out during Lap. Referred to a RE. RE said IVF is our only chance to get pregnant. Told only a 20% chance even with two put in. 9/5-Lupron 9/20 Stims(Menopur & Follistim) 9/30 Trigger time 10/2 ER 10/3 fert report-out of 7 eggs retrieved only 2 fertilized. Hello "Thing 1 and Thing 2!" Kinda sad there is none to freeze. Because only 2 we will have 2DT to get them back into a natural envionment 10/4 ET. Found out that only 1 divided. We love you "Thing 2." Thing 1 is now snuggled inside me and we are praying it will be our take home baby! **Did not even make it to my beta, the day before on 10/16/12 I got my F'in period** Such a stab in the heart. Nov 2012-Moving onto domestic newborn adoption! Can't wait for my take home baby. We will try IVF again after 1-2 years of a clear head. Need a break from infertility treatments/issues for my mental sanity! image
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  • kmkaull2kmkaull2 member

    I would tell her at the meeting.  Just be positive and focus on your DD becoming a big sister.  We went through this recently and I was very nervous to tell our son's birth mom that I'm pregnant.  I knew she hoped we'd adopt again and I was worried that she'd be disappointed for our son. Thankfully, she "got it" and is very excited for us.  As always, her primary concern has been for DS.  I think she sees this as a positive for him.

    Hope the visit goes well!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker<Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker>
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