When did you feel like a mom? — The Bump
Adoption

When did you feel like a mom?

DD is 5 months old tomorrow and I still don't know that I feel like a "mom."  I never felt like a babysitter, but I just am not sure I feel like a mom either.. I don't know what I feel like.

Am I alone in this? 

Married Since 09/2006, TTC Since 09/2010 
DX: Unexplained infertility, DH normal 
3 Femara cycles - Oct, Nov, Dec 2011, all BFNs 
IVF #1, ER 2/15 (5R, 4M, 4F), ET 2/18, Beta 2/29 = BFN :( 
Follistim + IUI on 6/25 = BFN 
Home Study Finalized 8/14/12! Profile Active - 8/17/12! 
Officially Matched 8/29/12, Our perfect angel born 9/25/12! 
Biggest surprise ever, unexpected BFP on 4/12/13! 

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Re: When did you feel like a mom?

  • Totally not alone. If it makes you feel any better, DS is bio and it was probably 6 to 8 months before I stopped thinking, "Geez, are they really just letting me have this little person and take care of him all by myself like this?"
    I felt super protective of him, I loved him, I worried about him, and didn't want to be apart from him for long, but it wasnt intense at first, and it wasn't like now, where I can't imagine life without him. I just think my "mom" identity and that close bonding took a while to come in for me. Probably just my personality. I also went from working to staying home, so I think that may have made that identity shift harder also.
    It will come, I promise. Good luck in the mean time, and try not to sweat it.
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  • image Rachel Sonnier:
    Totally not alone. If it makes you feel any better, DS is bio and it was probably 6 to 8 months before I stopped thinking, "Geez, are they really just letting me have this little person and take care of him all by myself like this?" I felt super protective of him, I loved him, I worried about him, and didn't want to be apart from him for long, but it wasnt intense at first, and it wasn't like now, where I can't imagine life without him. I just think my "mom" identity and that close bonding took a while to come in for me. Probably just my personality. I also went from working to staying home, so I think that may have made that identity shift harder also. It will come, I promise. Good luck in the mean time, and try not to sweat it.

    Sounds a lot like me.  I also went from working to SAH and I enjoyed working so it was a bigger transition than for some.  Glad to hear I'm not alone, thanks! 

    Married Since 09/2006, TTC Since 09/2010 
    DX: Unexplained infertility, DH normal 
    3 Femara cycles - Oct, Nov, Dec 2011, all BFNs 
    IVF #1, ER 2/15 (5R, 4M, 4F), ET 2/18, Beta 2/29 = BFN :( 
    Follistim + IUI on 6/25 = BFN 
    Home Study Finalized 8/14/12! Profile Active - 8/17/12! 
    Officially Matched 8/29/12, Our perfect angel born 9/25/12! 
    Biggest surprise ever, unexpected BFP on 4/12/13! 

     Our Angel through Adoption
     Lilypie Third Birthday tickers


    Our Little Miracle
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    image
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  • Oh you are not alone.  I think that it's different for each of us.  I brought my son home at 4 months old and I think I didn't allow myself to feel like a mom because his adoption wasn't going to be able to be finalized until he was around a year old.  So a little self protection I think.  I sometimes still don't quite feel like a mom and he is almost 3 yrs old, it's hard to explain until you experience it. 

     

  • Everything was expedited everything for me, because within less than a month of bringing M home, he went through open heart surgery.  I first felt like a mom when they explained the surgery could be significantly more risky than we were led to believe.  And then again when I almost lunged at the specialized "pain team" of doctors who told me that they couldn't figure out why the overwhelming cocktail of drugs they gave him didn't work and wouldn't give him any more until some of them wore off, despite his agonizing pain.

    But, in day to day life, it was a lot more of a gradual transition.  One day, I just realized, I wasn't the "junior member," looking for guidance/advice from all the other moms.  I was a full-fledged mother, who felt completely comfortable in that role, and who knew my child and his needs/wants/likes better than anyone else.


  • It took about 9 months for me. I had 3 relative toddlers whom I had never met come into my home. I have no birth children, this is all new for me. I don't know what happened, one day I just felt like "these are my kids, I am their mother". It was just a different feeling. Hard to explain...other than when a woman is pregnant she has time to bond with the child in ways that adoptive mothers can't. It does take time to build the bond & attachment. Being a foster mom has been an awesome journey & I am so glad Im on this path right now. However it is challenging at times to find our identity as parents.
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