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Vent-Perspective & Semi-long.

addam&taraaddam&tara member
in Babies: 9 - 12 Months

My totally amazing babysitter, Jan, was offered a job at a daycare and started two weeks ago. She did not give me any notice.  They offered her the job, and the next day to start... so just one day, from then on, I've had no babysitter.  

I am happy for her but I'm also pretty angry about this too.  I know I probably shouldn't be, but I am!  She was wonderful with my LO, and was part of the family. 

I am scouring care.com and friends of mine for someone to babysit, but this process is slow going.  The daycares here are pretty disgusting with a year long wait!  

My LO has been out-of-sorts lately and I think it's because she senses the change and that Jan is not here.  Her eating, sleep, nap, etc have all been turned upside down!  It's driving me mad!  For the passed 3 days she has only eaten blueberries.  UGH! lol

Ok, so my question.... would you keep in touch with this babysitter?  I have a few concerns...

  1.)  Will this cause my LO to think she is coming back and ruin her schedule/routine again?   

  2.)  I'm angry, and personally just want to cut ties because I'm hurt and frustrated.  Would you?  

I'm totally sensitive about this situation... so I ask that you just provide any advice, insight, encouragement.  I am so upset about this situation,... I probably cry about it every other day!  So lame, I know! But I'm so pist and upset!  It took almost 2-3 months the first time to find a sitter  !!  

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Re: Vent-Perspective & Semi-long.

  • Jessica+PennyJessica+Penny member
    I can't believe you are trying to hunt her down and kill her! NO NOTICE? She put you in an incredible spot and basically f'ed you and your daughter. I would very much cut ties with her. She did that with you pretty easily!
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  • tjkdlhbtjkdlhb member
    Why would you keep ties with her?



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  • addam&taraaddam&tara member

    imagetjkdlhb:
    Why would you keep ties with her?

     Good Question... I think it hurts so badly because she had become part of our family.  She would come with us just to run errands sometimes if she was just hanging out at home.  Her husband, me, my husband, and Addison would go out to dinner about once every two weeks.  Even her husband had watched my LO for me once when she was sick! 

    Maybe I just can't believe she chose this disgusting daycare over us?  

    I definitely pay more but can't give her 38 hours per week.  She had about 20 hours per week here, but I paid more per hour.  

    I feel like I've lost, not just a babysitter, but a friend... a family member.  Maybe that's my problem.  

     

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  • nah82nah82 member
    imageaddam&tara:

    imagetjkdlhb:
    Why would you keep ties with her?

     Good Question... I think it hurts so badly because she had become part of our family.  She would come with us just to run errands sometimes if she was just hanging out at home.  Her husband, me, my husband, and Addison would go out to dinner about once every two weeks.  Even her husband had watched my LO for me once when she was sick! 

    Maybe I just can't believe she chose this disgusting daycare over us?  

    I definitely pay more but can't give her 38 hours per week.  She had about 20 hours per week here, but I paid more per hour.  

    I feel like I've lost, not just a babysitter, but a friend... a family member.  Maybe that's my problem.  

     

    Looks like it's time to move on, and you are grieving a little because you saw her as a friend and someone you trusted, but it seems like you may have placed more value on the "relationship" than she did.  A good "friend" would give more notice and explained that she really needed the extra money or whatever the situation might be.  A good employee would at least give a little more notice if they wanted to stay in good graces (because you might, afterall, need a babysitter on the weekend once in awhile even if she is working weekdays at a daycare).  It sounds like she took good care of your LO while she was with you, but for whatever reason, she is breaking ties.

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  • tjkdlhbtjkdlhb member
    imagenamcgee:
    imageaddam&tara:

    imagetjkdlhb:
    Why would you keep ties with her?

     Good Question... I think it hurts so badly because she had become part of our family.  She would come with us just to run errands sometimes if she was just hanging out at home.  Her husband, me, my husband, and Addison would go out to dinner about once every two weeks.  Even her husband had watched my LO for me once when she was sick! 

    Maybe I just can't believe she chose this disgusting daycare over us?  

    I definitely pay more but can't give her 38 hours per week.  She had about 20 hours per week here, but I paid more per hour.  

    I feel like I've lost, not just a babysitter, but a friend... a family member.  Maybe that's my problem.  

    Looks like it's time to move on, and you are grieving a little because you saw her as a friend and someone you trusted, but it seems like you may have placed more value on the "relationship" than she did.  A good "friend" would give more notice and explained that she really needed the extra money or whatever the situation might be.  A good employee would at least give a little more notice if they wanted to stay in good graces (because you might, afterall, need a babysitter on the weekend once in awhile even if she is working weekdays at a daycare).  It sounds like she took good care of your LO while she was with you, but for whatever reason, she is breaking ties.

    This.  I am sorry that you are having to deal with it. 




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  • oliversmommy32912oliversmommy32912 member

    What a horrible situation. I'm so sorry! I can't believe she wouldn't even give you a notice. That's not only unprofessional, it is also a shitty thing to do as a person. It's not like she was working for some big-wig corporation where she could be easily replaced. It sounds like she was a member of your family. I would be so hurt.

    Honestly if I were you I would just cut ties. Not only does she no longer work for you, but this is also a major breech of trust and friendship in my eyes. Your LO will probably have a little bit of a rough transition with all of the changes but kids are so resilient.

    So sorry!

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  • Cheerio BCheerio B
    I would cut ties and move on. She put you in an awful position and it seems clear that she didn't value the relationship like you did.
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  • SteelCity44SteelCity44 member
    Cut ties and move on with life. While it was a terribly crappy thing for her to do to you, she was looking out for herself. Even if you were paying her more, you weren't taking taxes, SS, etc out of her pay, which means she had to set it all aside (if she's going to follow tax laws and report all of her income). The nightmare that being "self employed" and the taxes and penalties involved in that are well worth a pay cut.
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  • tbmadeamistaketbmadeamistake member
    First, I can completely understand why you are so upset.  Not only your babysitter give you no notice, but your friend hurt your feelings.  If you're this upset, it seems like you do care a lot about her.  I would maybe wait a little while, until you're calmer, and then continue seeing them as friends if that's what they've become.  I don't think it will mess your daughter up to see her again, it will just teach her that situations change and that people do come back sometimes after they've left.  Also, just because she can't babysit on a regular basis like before doesn't mean she won't be willing to do a night here and there for you and your husband.  I wouldn't do anything rash until you're a little calmer (though again, totally understand why you're so upset).  Good luck!

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    CHC arrived 6/2/14

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