Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
nmo941
member
Re: Give me the honest truth
I just read this and it's so true
https://avital.blogspot.ca/2011/01/cesarean-courage.html?showComment=1361503432288#axzz2Law6Yct6
Hang in there and it's easier said than done, but don't be too nervous and ask the questions you need answered and your care team will be right there to support you!
I had about 48 hrs to adjust to a planned c-section, I have my thoughts and feelings in my blog:
https://jtylerbartonfamily.blogspot.com/2012/05/ethans-arrival-part-ii-of-ethans-birth.html
https://jtylerbartonfamily.blogspot.com/2012/05/c-section-recovery.html
I'm a FTM who had to have a c-section so I can relate to being super nervous. I didn't sleep much when I found and and well thoughts raced. A lot of women on the board helped me to calm myself down with tons of advice. But I think the most useful came down to two things
Remember to breath through it all, any time you feel overwhelmed or anything just make sure you take a moment it was a life saver for me through the whole process. And when that didn't work I just reminded myself why I was going through the process and at the end I would have what I wanted.
Sorry its not better advice, but it was the things I found that helped me get through the c-section and the first couple days of recovery.
I have more about my expierence here;
https://copiousblunders.wordpress.com/2013/02/23/the-birth-to-home-adjustment/
I did not feel a thing at all when they cut me open, so don't stress about that. They prick you with a little needle and if you can feel it at all they up the strength of the epidural or spinal. I got really light headed when they were closing me up and actually vomited a lot, but that was from the amount of blood I had lost. If I hadn't lost so much during actual labor I probably would have been fine.
The one thing that sucked was that my OB made me wait until I could feel and move my legs again before they let me out of recovery and up to see my baby, which took about two hours.
Don't worry, you'll be fine. Recovery is tough but you get good meds for the pain. Don't be afraid to recruit help ahead of time! Stairs are a b!tch!
Hello Nicole, Nichole here. This is my 4th pregnancy and will be my 3rd c/s. I have learned different things with each one.
I would recommend doing your research if you know it's coming. The more you know about your options the more of a say you have on what happens to you. This is especially true when it comes to post op care and the meds they give you before, during & after as different meds affect you in different ways.
Do a tour of the hospital & ask lots of questions. You want to know things like who do they allow in the room. Does baby room with you or in a nursery? Do they use recovery rooms or do you go straight to your regular room?
I would also recommend during the birth to have something to focus on. A prayer, a mantra, your partners eyes. Mentally it was something I needed. It's easy to psych yourself out.
Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself; if you need help, if you are in pain & meds ect.
FTM also and had an emergency c-section due to bleeding a lot. It's honestly not as bad as I had expected. I was super nervous when they wheeled me into the operating room, but once inside, they had music playing, the nurses and my OB were singing along, cracking jokes, kept me talking, and did everything they could to make me comfortable. It went by pretty quickly and all I felt was pressure as my OB went to work.
The first couple of days sucked and were the most painful. I was able to get up and walk the second day and I suggest walking as much as you can when okay to. It made me feel so much better along with the ibuprofen given to me and the binder. Recovering wasn't bad. I'm about 5 weeks PP and just a little tender but not bad or painful.
ezra everyday
The other ladies covered a lot of c-section-specific info, but I'll comment on hospital stays in general.
In the hospital, you lose a lot of dignity. Mentally prepare yourself to be touched, poked, prodded... You'll be helpless to an extent, and you won't have complete physical control of yourself (until the anesthesia wears off). It's always helpful to have someone there who is somewhat familiar with how hospitals work - who are comfortable talking to doctors on your behalf, who know how things should be done. When you're coming out of surgery, you might be loopy from the pain meds, and you'll be tired, so you need someone with you who is fully focused on listening to what the doctors say. (That could be DH, or maybe your mom or a friend...just someone who is completely focused on being an advocate for what you need when you aren't able to do so.)
Take things with you that will help you feel comfortable - take your favorite shampoo and soap to help you relax for your first PP shower. I ended up staying in the hospital for awhile with DS, so I had DH bring my favorite pillow to help me sleep better.
Another thing - don't be afraid to speak up if your meds aren't working or if they make you feel bad/funny. Your doctor can't read your mind
My scheduled csec was really great. Much more relaxed than my unplanned one. Yes, it is nerve wracking thinking about the actual day and time of surgery, but I tried to block it from my mind as much as possible. The day of, you go in, get an Iv placed, a bunch of doctors and nurses come talk to you. Then they wheel you back and get you prepped while your husband gets dressed. The anesthesiologist has you hunch over and he puts in the spinal, which really only stung like a bug bite for a few seconds. Then you feel your lower body go numb and they lay you on the table. While they drape and scrub you up with antiseptic over your belly, your husband comes in and it's time! They check that ou can't feel anything and start working. Within a few minutes you have a baby! Sewing up is next but I was plenty distracted. I got a few shots of ephedrine to keep my blood pressure up, and if you feel nauseous they will give you something. Really, though, compared to labor this was a breeze.
The next few hours you will be numb and they will have to clean you up, and check your bleeding every now and then. Yes, it's definitely a time you lose your dignity and you don't care that a nurse is cleaning you up because you really can't do it yourself. after 12 hours, the numbness will wear off and they take out the foley. The truly sucky, but manageable part is those first trips to the bathroom to try to pee. Once you are able to do that, things get better. The next morning you can shower, get some oral pain meds, and enjoy that baby. The next few days you need to walk and get up to sit in a chair. By the time you leave you should be able to get up and down and slowly walk around. Every day gets better, and by two weeks I felt quite normal.
Having a c-section was my BIGGEST fear. Im the same as you, never been to the hospital or surgery. And I was very scared of being in surgery. I was in labor for 8 hours and then had to get an emergency c-section, he was out within 15 min. I honestly think it was easier than pushing him out. When they came in and told me I was getting a c-section I begged them to knock me out, but they wouldnt and now I am very glad they didnt. It was a very cool experience, and In my opinion better than pushing! What also helped to keep me calm was the doctors were just chatting like nothing was happening, like they do on tv.
I had a scheduled c/s with #1 and it was a great experience. When you are getting checked in I would ask the nurse if its possible that they release and arm after the delivery so you can hold the baby (some hospitals don't allow it but it doesn't hurt to ask)
I was really nervous about the spinal block but it didn't hurt at all. I tried to converse with the or staff as much as possible. This really calmed me down.
Take your meds. There is no need to be in pain when you are trying to deal with your newborn. You will both be happier if you do.
Walk as soon as the staff will allow you. For me is was the next day. It was painful at first but it does get better. I walked pushing my DD in her bassinet as much as I could.
Go to the bathroom even if you don't fell like it. Once my catheter was out, I was still a little numb from the block. The nurse told me go pee even if you don't feel like it. It will be painful if you don't. Well I didn't listen and when I finally felt the urge to pee I went to the bathroon and it felt like I was peeing razor blades. It was the most painful thing I had ever experienced.
I hope this helps and good luck to you!
Make a pregnancy ticker
I'm going to do the opposite of everyone else and may scare you. When I had my csection, I lost quite a bit of blood. They told me it wasn't a huge deal and I would be ok. I went home after 4 days in the hospital and when dd was 10 days old my incision burst open. I was coughing and on an antibiotic too. When I got to the er my o2 level was 75%. I spent the next 3 days in ICU with double pneumonia and an infection in the incision. I was in the hospital for another 4 days before I convinced my pulmonary doctor to let me come home to my baby. We didn't chance her coming to the hospital and getting sick. This was over her first Christmas. I ended up with 2 blood transfusions too. I have been told that the likelihood of anything like that happening again is slim, but its in the back of my mind. Given everything I went through it was all worth it and I am 21 weeks pregnant. I trust that this wont happen again. I have questioned my ob about preventing this from happening again and he reassured me that having a scheduled csection will be easier than being in labor and ending with a c. I will probably ask about a diuretic so I don't go home filled with fluid again.
Mine was an emergency one and twins and so it was a unique scenerio .. and a scary one so I won't share it with you! (seriously part of it includes me being dropped on the floor because of the mad rush to save the babies!!!!)
I will tell you though the tummy binder wear it right away and for a few days after.
When your incision is healing use a regular maxi pad inside your undies or pants along your incision. It will help pad it and protect it some while it is healing ( .. this is the single most best piece of advice anyone gave me! )
Keep you incision clean and dry!!! When I got out of the shower I used my hair dryer on the cold setting to help dry it because a towel would irritate it and could leave fuzzies on it.
Drinks lots of fluids and eat foods that will help you go .. the softer the bowels the better for you.
Keep taking the pain med for at least the first two days. it is easier to keep the swelling and pain down if you keep taking the med's .. then it is to stop the pain once its kicked in.
When you go home don't lie flat on your back .. it's harder to get back up. Remember your stomach muscles need time to relax and heal!
Good luck!!!
Don't be afraid. My c/s was SO MUCH easier than my vag birth. Here are my tips:
-- Get granny underwear to have when you get home. The elastic rides at your waist, not on your incision.
-- Keep on top of your pain meds when you get home for at least three days. Even in the night.
-- I had DH tie a rope to the end of our bed so I could pull myself up without using my ab muscles.
-- Have help lined up for two weeks after you get home.
-- Get a Belly Bandit. It's a stomach binder. It holds the flab in place so it isn't pulling on your incision.
I was is the same boat as you as far as not ever staying in the hospital or having surgery.
But imagine my shock when I was in L&D being monitored and just when I thought they would release me they came in and said, baby was in distress and his HR was slowing, your are having a c-sec. My mouth fell open. I really didn't have time to think about what was going to happen. I wasn't planning c-sec but luckily DH had come home from work to take my to the hospital. He was there to make me laugh and feel at ease. I was joking with the nurses and docs until my surgery, then I was serious. Then after it was over I was laughing and joking again.
Just know that everything will be fine. All your fear of the actually surgery will melt away when you see you LO's face (and in the back of my mind, I was like why was I so scared in the first place). I think we read too far into the bad experiences we hear about surgery, we freak ourselves out. But you will be just fine and have a darling little baby in your arms.
GL
This!
TX: IUI #1-4 = BFN + 1 c/p
IUI #5: Clomid 100mg + Bravelle + Trigger + B2B IUIs + 800mg Progesterone = BFP!
Beta #1 (14dpiui): 460 Beta #2 (16dpiui): 998 Beta #3 (23dpiui): 21,832 Beta #4 (29dpiui): 129,771