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kids meeting the new girlfriend

SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
in Blended Families
XH called this morning to check on the kids. DD has been sick with an ear, eye, and sinus infection. At the end of the conversation he nervously explained he was thinking he wants the kids to meet his new gf. He thinks this will be a longterm thing, and they have been dating a while. I told him thank you for the heads up, and was happy he warned me in case the kids have questions. I asked a few questions about her, and he was happy to answer.

I've heard some not so nice things about her through the grape vine but they aren't safety concerning or anything, and I'm doing my best to reserve judgement. My question is, should I ask to meet her? I would like us to be cordial and comfortable with eachother if she's going to be a part of the kids lives... I don't want to overstep boundaries though, or make her uncomfortable.
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Re: kids meeting the new girlfriend

  • fellesferiefellesferie member

    I think you're being very levelheaded deciding to reserve judgment.

    It sounds like your intentions are right on the mark, so could you say something like "why don't you bring her when you pick up the kids, and we can all say hello?"

    If he asks why or hesitates, you could just say you want to get things off on the right foot.  

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  • pHale04pHale04
    That's awesome that he gave you a heads up and answered all your questions. I think if this woman is going to be a part of your children's lives you should meet her, at least to vertify for yourself that she will be a good infulence on the kids.

    I started dating my now DH in March and didn't meet his kids until December. We have been together 2 years and I have yet to formally meet BM. Yet, she made up her mind that she hates me and talks badly about me and tries to turn my step kids against me. I would have been find with her asking to meet me in the begining. I feel as BM she should know the other woman in her kids lives, but she chose to alienaite me instead.

    Maybe meet her during drop off/pick ups and just spend a few minutes chit chatting and then go from there.
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  • caden1206caden1206 member
    I think it is a great idea to meet her, especially since you and XH sound very mature and like you are able to easily work things out.  I would let your kids meet her first though and you can kind of gauge what they think of her.  Then when it is appropriate you guys can meet in an informal situation, like a park, and maybe get to know each other with the kids around.  I think it is very important for your kids to see that everyone is working together.   
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  • socloudy99socloudy99 member

    It is wonderful to see two parents handle odd situations with such grace. I'm glad he was open and had the conversation with you beforehand. I'm also glad you are keeping an open mind.

    I think suggesting her attend a pick up/drop off so you can be introduced is a wonderful idea. Maybe after she meets the kids. Meeting your SOs kids and BM all in one day seems like a lot. I would be nervous to do both at once.

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  • caden1206caden1206 member

    imagewendilea:
    I think it's a very good idea to meet her.  Just say hi, so you know who is spending time with your kids.  Douchecanoe literally hid Amazon from me for quite some time, I knew he was dating her, but she would go into his bedroom or someplace when I dropped the kids off so I wouldn't see her.  I finally met her the day his house (our house) burned to the ground and we all were being investigated for arson, so about 6 months in. 

    Wow, that must have been crazy.  I am sorry about your intro and your house.  Hopefully everything worked out.

    I met my XH's girlfriend at a drop off randomly.  I wasn't even told that he was dating anyone and my son was too young to tell me at the time.  It was completely awkward and she tried to stare at her phone the whole time. I finally introduced myself and to be honest our relationship has been awkward since then.  We are going on almost 7 years now.  Whatever you decided, try to make it open and inviting for questions or dialogue.  I really wish we had a better relationship, but too many yeas and awkwardness has gone by.

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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    Maybe a visit or two after the kids have met her, you could meet her on a PU/DO? It would be quick, no pressure to stretch out small talk or anything, just a quick hi and nice to meet you. And thinga would gradually go from there. It's nice to see a good coparenting relationship between Xs and I hope this is good for all.
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    Thanks girls. I'm so nervous about all of it. You just never know. Will she be a good influence? Will she get close with the kids and then they will break up and the kids will be hurt? Will she dislike me and XHs close parenting relationship and cause problems?

    Right now I'm just trying to put the anxieties aside and stay positive. I like the idea of easing into it and maybe meeting her at pick up after she's met the kids a few times.
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