Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Jealousy/introduction
Maybe it's time for you to find a support group in your area? I'm sure there are many women who have similar experiences, and can help you navigate what you're feeling.
It's a girl!
Yes. I also really struggle with the question of whether I did something to "cause" my C-section or whether a C-section was really necessary in my case. I had been planning a natural (unmedicated) vaginal birth. I had taken all the childbirth classes and watched numerous videos lamenting the large C-section rate in the U.S.
After 48 hours of unmedicated back labor, during which time I had only progressed to 5 1/2 centimeters and I couldn't sleep, lie down, or even sit, I felt ready to collapse. I literally thought my legs couldn't hold me up for much longer. I figured if I were to fall on the floor on the way to the bathroom it couldn't be very healthy for the baby, so I thought it was time to go with "plan B" -- labor augmented with pitocin. And since I knew pitocin made contractions even more painful, I decided to get a walking epidural to let me rest a bit.
Well, as soon as I got the epidural, baby's heart rate began to drop. (This was even before they started pitocin.) It went back up, but it continued to drop to worrying levels (and then rise again) intermittently for the next 9 hours. We started the pitocin, but it couldn't be turned up very high due to the heart rate problems. After 9 hours of this, I was only dilated another half centimeter -- to 6. Baby was face up and not descending (still at a -2).
At that point, I told the midwife that I didn't think it was safe to continue labor any longer. I was very reluctant to choose to have a C-section, since I knew it was major surgery and that it would make future pregnancies more complicated. But I felt my body was telling me that my son just could not be born vaginally.
After the surgeon performed the C-section, he told me I had made the right call. He said that even if we had waited for me to dilate to 10 centimeters, the baby's head would not have fit through my pelvis.
The surgeon wrote "CPD" as the reason for the C-section on my medical chart. I don't feel that the case was true CPD, but that because of the way my son's head was turned -- and because of the fact that after such a long labor my son's head had been expanding at the point where it was supposed to be contracting -- he probably would not have been able to be delivered vaginally.
I know that at every point in my labor I made what I felt was the best, healthiest decision for my baby at that time. But I still have concerns that I somehow "caused" the C-section. I had my membranes stripped two days after my due date (hoping to avoid an induction, which was scheduled for another several days out). If I hadn't had my membranes stripped the day before going into labor, would my son have waited another couple days and would our bodies have been more "ready" for a vaginal delivery? If I had accepted a morphine shot to relieve my pain in early labor, would I have been able to rest better, avoid an epidural, and have a vaginal delivery? Could I have continued unmedicated labor a little longer without collapsing, and would my contractions eventually have picked up naturally and become more effective at dilating me? If I had continued longer with the epidural and pitocin (instead of requesting a C-section), would I somehow have managed to dilate past 6 centimeters? Honestly, I don't know. I'm trying to reconcile my belief that our C-section rate in the U.S. really is too high with my conviction that it probably was necessary in my case, even though I'm still not 100% sure it was.
I'm also somewhat comforted when I realize that, even though I didn't get my perfect labor and delivery experience, I still got to experience pregnancy, and I still get to experience parenthood. There are many people who desperately want to experience pregnancy and/or parenthood but cannot. Three years after the fact, I don't think having had a C-section makes me any less bonded with my son (although it may have affected things the first few weeks).