how much preparing do you need? any must haves?

emg2010 · February 2013

Hi everyone, I'm a FTM and I'm due at the end of May. I plan on having the baby at the hospital with no pain meds or too much intervention unless it's absolutely necessary.

I know that a lot of people take birthing classes and do a ton of research. I think it's great but I'm not that type of person. I'm more of a go with the flow and see what happens type of person. While I'm not sure if that's the best approach in this situation, I know that's how I'm going to be.

So I'm wondering how many of you are the same way? Are there any STM's that had the same approach and everything worked out okay? Is there something I really should do before?

tokenhoser · February 2013

Go with the flow people typically get epidurals somewhere around transition. If that doesn't bother you, go with the flow. If it does, then yes, you need to read a book and prepare a little.

I didn't do any formal classes. I did yoga and hired a doula and read on my own. Without those things, I doubt I would have had a med-free birth.

aylafsu88 · February 2013

IMO you HAVE to be prepared to have a natural birth. L&D is unlike anything you have ever experienced and if you are not prepared for that then you will likely not have a natural birth. Now every person is different, some need classes (like myself) while others can read books to be prepared. You need to evaluate which type of person you are and how you can prepare for a natural birth. Going with the flow is not really preparing and will likely lead to an epi and countless other interventions. Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to child birth.

bluefirekitten · February 2013

I am a "go with flow" person when it comes to birth (or at least my own). I never took a formal childbirth or breastfeeding class. My thinking was my body was made to do this & I know it better than anyone, so I'll listen to it & do what it says to do. Now, this approach doesn't work for everyone; especially those who are not used to listening to their what their body tells them.

My advice to you would be:

1. Educate yourself (books, youtube, etc.) on the process of birth & the different type of pain management techniques.

2. Choose a pain management technique & practice, practice, practice! I personally used a hypnobirthing breathing technique (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eU1DP18pCBs&list=PLFAB7F181B15117C1&index=7). 

3. Only have truly supportive people in the delivery room with you who can help you stay as relaxed & calm as possible and who know your birth plan beforehand; that way they can encourage you to "keep on keeping on" & "you CAN do this".

I educated myself as much as possible so I knew what to expect & practiced my breathing technique until it was second nature. I knew I did not want an epidural, but I also knew it was possible that I could "give in" to the pain. So, I labored at home as long as possible & made sure the nurses knew not to ask me about the epi or meds. That breathing technique is what helped me get to 9cm without even asking for meds. At 9cm, I had requested meds in my i.v. to "take the edge off"; however once they checked me & said I was at 9cm, 100% effaced it was too late for meds or an epi. Best of luck to you!

holly753 · February 2013

I had four unmed births and will with this one also, I never took a class,had a doula or any other "prepping" if you are normally the type of person to listen to your body, you should be fine. I had great experiences and really feel some women make to much of it, birth is the most natural thing there is, good luck!

KateLouise · February 2013

I think there are different kinds of "go with the flow" the two main ones being

1) The I'm informed about different birth options and interventions. I know what I would prefer and I why those things matter to me. On the day I will go with the flow and see where my body takes me, making the best decisions in the moment in regards to pain relief and interventions.

2) I know nothing beyond what my OB/MW has told me. I trust my health care providers to do what is best for me and I will go with the flow on the day and see what they tell me to do/how I feel.

I was in the first camp and had two great natural births, I attribute most of that to two easy births and birthing in a genuinely pro-natural birth hospital.

If you truly don't care if you end up with an epidural/c-section/going med free/tearing/skin to skin after birth/episiotomy/baby going to the nursery/who cuts the cord/delayed clamping/what position your birth in/what kind of monitoring baby has/forceps/being induced etc etc etc then yeah just turn up when you're in labour and go with the flow.

If some or all of the above matter to you then I suggest you find some information in the format that suits you best. I did a general ante natal class which was great for just covering all the basics of childbirth. It wasn't biased towards natural or medical type births, just covered the mechanics of it all and the pros and cons of various interventions.

You might prefer a book, video or website in which case I'm sure the ladies here can make suggestions.

I personally don't think you HAVE to be all, "I am determined to have a med-free birth, and an epidural is not even an option" in order to be successful in having a natural birth, but I know a number of ladies here disagree with me, and also I had two easy birth experiences where I truly never hit the, "give me an epidural wall." so everyone's experiences are different.

Haley.Beth · February 2013

I am, and have always been a "go with the flow" person. When I was preparing for birth, I educated myself on the mechanics of childbirth, and all the different interventions and options available. I went into it armed with the knowledge of exactly why I wanted to avoid everything. Beyond that, I did not prepare with classes or techniques. I had been practicing yoga and meditation for years, and I ended up resorting to what I knew during labor. But because of the knowledge I had of the downside to various drugs I never found myself feeling like they were worth the risks, even in the hardest part of transition.

I think it can be done, but you do need to educated yourself and make sure you know WHY you have made your choices.

holly753 · February 2013

I had my first son 15 years go, you did not hear of birth plans. Most of the things listed in birth plans happen anyway, and I know plenty of women who agonized for months writing down every detail, just to have the opposite happen. The nurses and doctors will ask what you want, I had each of my children layed on my chest, my son had mecconium and needed to be taken quicker to be suctioned,that would not have changed had I had a birth plan. I think some of this can become overwhelming to some FTM. And some women just know what they want, just because you don't go to classes read books or watch videos does not mean that horrible things are going to happen,and you will have no control in the delivery room.

avn0306 · February 2013

I will be reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and if there is a one day class I will take that. I am not into some 12 week long class. It seems unnecessary but I would like to do a one day class for my husband to join me. He will be my birthing partner and he just isn't going to read like I will.

erb82 · February 2013

I would make sure you're very familiar with the process of childbirth whether that means a class, reading books, etc. I took a one day basic childbirth class. It went over stages of labor and what to expect. There were also some simple breathing techniques and info about medicated pain relief options. I really wasn't interested in a more intense study like Bradley. Being educated helped me go with the flow. When I was in transition and considered an epidural, I knew that it was almost over and that got me through.

tokenhoser · February 2013

There is one birth location option in my city (other than home), and 90% of women get an epidural.

That's why I think preparation is important if I want to not get an epidural. It's probably less important if you're birthing in a situation where natural birth is normal, but that's not the case for most women in North America.

A37licia · February 2013

It's great of you to ask that question. I'm going to be blunt - if you tend to be go-with-the-flow and are giving birth in the hospital, it is not likely you will achieve natural childbirth unless your labor is exceptionally fast as a FTM and there is just not time for them to intervene. They will intervene, and if you don't go in with specific desires and wishes, the birth will go the way the hospital wants it to. I don't mean that to belittle or be rude at all. My SIL really wanted a natural birth for her third, but she didn't educate herself in the least about birth and how to assert herself or her DH, and in the end got pitocin and an epidural and was heartbroken. I will never tell her but if she had learned more and come up with a plan with her DH and her about if it comes to this point, this is what we'll do, or if they suggest this, this is what I need you to say to support met, etc. She could have absolutely physically done it - she is a strong woman physically and mentally. But she wasn't informed, and so when push came to shove, she gave in because she didn't know any other option and didn't know what was in her power to control.

First time labors are usually 18-20 hours. Do you know when to go in, do you know how long to stay home? Do you know what contractions indicate you're in active/hard labor? Do you know what situations in the hospital are tell-tale for a c/s or a birth with high interventions? Are you prepared to leave if you go and you're only 2-3cm dilated?

There are lots more questions I could ask that if you aren't prepared, they're going to "win" and give you every intervention they want. That's not to scare you, it's the simple truth about most hospitals today. They're not going to advocate for your wishes and say.

The bare minimum that I'd recommend, if this is your desire, is to:

- read one book about childbirth to learn what is normal and typical for a first time labor

- read at least 10 natural childbirth birth stories to become somewhat familiar with how it can go and when interventions tend to come in

drpayne · February 2013

You got a ton of good advice here. I just wanted to add that it may be one of the few times you'll want to consider being a little more prepared. I think you won't regret being TOO informed but you might regret not being prepared enough. I guess it depends how badly you want to go natural. As PP said, going with the flow may set you up for interventions. You may be okay with that.

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