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Attachment Parenting
BeachMama7693
member
how to cut out the waking wanting mommy?
BeachMama7693
member
we bed-shared from newborn up until around 13 (almost 14) months at which point i was getting no sleep and decided it was time for lo to be in her own bed. she hated the crib so we went ahead and put her in the toddler bed. she self weaned at 15 months, at which point i was still laying down with her to get her to sleep at night.
which im still doing. in the toddler bed. every night.
she lets me rock her to sleep for her nap every day, but will not let me rock her for bedtime. she wants me to lay down with her and i do, and i sing her songs for about 30-45 minutes before she falls asleep.
she wakes up every night sometimes between midnight and 3 am, and its just because she wants me there. i always go to her and usually end up bringing her to our bed because im exhausted (pregnant) and i need sleep too.
im wondering how to cut out this middle of the night waking? i dont really mind the part time bed share but DH does so i would like to stop. i tried sleeping in her room on a mattress on the floor but she still wakes up, so that doesnt really work. is there a way to get this to stop without CIO? suggestions?
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Re: how to cut out the waking wanting mommy?
you might try having your husband go in instead, though it would take some crying still, I imagine?
thing is, you can't control her waking up (or going to sleep). you can only control whether or not she calls you. and some would argue (as I would) that it is totally within developmentally normal for kids to not want to sleep totally alone for a number of years.
if (when?
) I had to deal with that*, I would probably work on getting her to sleep not physically touching, but in the same room. (I actually might do this anyway, as I think it might help improve our sleep.) so, when she wakes, you comfort her, remind her that you're not far away (maybe close enough to touch if you reach, but not on the same mattress?) but she needs to get back to sleep on her own. I know that if I try this with my daughter, it will entail a number of nights of crying, even if I'm right there, but that we might well get through it anyway.
* DD has our old queen mattress on the floor in her room. I sleep with her on it still. sometimes I start out in my own room (where she used to sleep until ~4mo ago, on her same mattress, but in our room next to our bed), but if she calls me in the middle of the night, I go in and continue sleeping there.
We just transitioned DD to her own bed, we were bed sharing before that. We moved her to a twin bed, and DH or I would sleep in her bed with her. We did this for a week, then put a cot next to her bed and slept on that. She did cry/whine a couple times, but told her we were right there. We did that for about a week also. She now sleeps in her own bed, by herself, and DH and I are back in our bed. We read books before bed and I will climb into bed with her to read them. She still wakes up on occasion and we will go in and lay with her for a bit, but as soon as she falls asleep we go back to our own bed. I will say she didn't STTN until around two years. She gets up quite a bit for drinks of water. She now just does it herself, instead of asking us.
Have you thought about getting LO a twin bed, that way you could lay down with her to get her to sleep. It is much more comfortable then the toddler bed.
My DS still does all that and he's 2.5y. I need to lay down with him for him to fall asleep and then around 1am he wakes up crying and either I go get him and bring him to our bed or he comes on his own. At least once he's in our bed he'll sleep until morning, not like when he was younger and would still wake up a million times.
Both my kids woke throughout the night until they were 2.
DS2 was in his own bed in another room by about 18 months, though he was on a twin mattress, so it was easier for me to just sleep with him if he was waking a ton. Kim West has good gentle sleep advice, but frankly, she's pretty little to be totally STTN.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I would start sending your DH in at night to comfort her.
She's getting the comfort that she needs, but it may break the habit of waking up to see Mommy.
I would honestly start cutting back on your night routine, little by little. Maybe instead of rocking her or cuddling right on top of her, you do your cuddles in the living room, then take her in your room and lay next to her, without touching her (or maybe you just hold her hand). Then maybe you sit next to her bed. Then across the room. Then in the doorway.
I also agree with some consistency- don't bring her into your bed. Maybe into your room if she wants, but I wouldn't bring her to your bed anymore.
I am pregnant, and have started thinking of routines and how they are going to work with two children. Are you going to be able to spend 45 minutes on bedtime and multiple wakings with both children? Whatever you decide, I would try to get her into a routine now, before a new baby completely disrupts her life.
I'm sort of in the same boat here - you're not alone!
DS is 18 months, I have about 5 weeks before DD is born (pray she is born before Easter!). We just got DS an amazing organic wool mattress and have it in a toddler bed for him in our room. He has been taking naps on it and has been sleeping a good part of the night in it. I nurse him to sleep in our bed (although for the past couple nights I have just nursed him to sleep on the couch and then we very carefully move him to his (a couple feet from our bed). We usually have to rub his back for a minute to relax him back to sleep and then he is out for several hours. He will sometimes wake up and need water, so I have been keeping his bottle close by, but once he gets a slurp he's out again!
My suggestion is to have her bed in your bedroom (if space permits) for awhile and slowly move it back to her room. She is used to being near you and for the first few years children just need reassurance that mommy and daddy are close by. Make sure she knows that being in her own bed makes her a big girl. If she stays in her bed for an entire night make a really big deal out of it. Good luck!
she was waking up a lot, and constantly grabbing at my boobs (this was before we weaned) and also she wants to sleep right up next to me and is a complete bed hog. it was cute for a while but then nobody was getting sleep. at all.
thanks everyone for the advice. in the next couple months we are planning on getting her a bigger bed (twin with trundle i think) and the new baby will take her crib. so maybe when we get to that point it will be easier to get her sleeping alone, because i can lay down with her in HER room.
unfortunately having dh help isnt really an option because he is gone a good amount of the year for the military so i pretty much do it all on my own!
i will try some of the suggestions. thanks!