Help! Husband is upset when he can't "perform" — The Bump
Dads & Dads-to-be

Help! Husband is upset when he can't "perform"

Hi. Sorry to barge in here, but I honestly don't know who else to ask. My husband and I are TTC. We've had 1 miscarriage 2 months ago, and just started TTC again this month. Usually this is not an issue, but every once in a while my husband will not be able to ejaculate. This just so happened to be today (when I'm ovulating) and I could tell he was upset, even though I'm not. I told him not to worry about it, we can try again tomorrow...but I could tell he was still upset. Any advice on how to get him over this? 

Thanks in advance.  

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Re: Help! Husband is upset when he can't "perform"

  • My advice: Don't mention it and don't make a big deal out of it. As someone who doesn't ejaculate every time, it bothers me when my wife asks me if everything is ok or if she did something wrong. There are just times where it won't happen. I don't worry about it and neither should she.

    It sucks that it's happening when you're trying to conceive. But, again, making a big deal out of it might just add to the pressure he's already feeling. I think your best bet would be to try to get him as relaxed as possible before you have sex. Help him get rid of all stress. Keep things light. It'll happen. Trust me.
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  • Well I'm not a guy I was just lurking on this board but hubby and I were ttc for 4 years before I got pregnant. When we started injections I noticed the pressure was on and there were a couple months he couldn't perform during the 24 hr window we had. It was really frustrating for me since I just went through 2 weeks of shots and daily ultrasounds for him to not be able to ejaculate. The only thing that helped was for me to not include him in my cycles. If he didn't know I was ovulating and we "had" to have sex then there was no pressure and it would happen no problems. 
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  • Do not make a thing out of this... it won't make him feel any better about it.

    He may be feeling the pressure of trying to make it work this time, or subconciously may be afraid that if he gets you pregnant again that you'll lose it again, or may not be emotionally ready to "get back in there" for another go round.

  • Thank you guys (and girl) very much =] 

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  • It doesn't take a genius to figure out it's nerves and anxiety induced by the loss you went through.

    I feel like for a lot of guys, taking the pressure off can lead to the ideal outcome. TTC can be stressful, and I strongly feel it's important to keep the fun and recreation in sex while trying to make a baby. Your mileage may vary based on your own particulars, but if you guys were into adult film or bondage or dirty talk before baby making, there's no reason not to still use that in your dirty time now.  Most guys have *something* that turns their crank like nothing else, and as your wife, you probably know what it is.
    -My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules.
  • Nerves, stress and anxiety are all barriers to conception, in my opinion.  The two times my wife has gotten pregnant, we have been on vacation, away from work and the stress of day to day life.

    Sometimes that is all it takes to make the little guys swim better.....


  • I wouldn't mention anything....relax, have sex often and make it about the intimacy and not the baby-making.
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