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Lurker poking around

Flamingo86Flamingo86 member
in Adoption

I hesitated whether or not to post here, but you all seem very nice and welcoming. I've been lurking here over the past couple of weeks. We have not pursued fertility treatments but after two back-to-back losses are just starting to consider pursuing adoption. We are taking some time to just relax and gather our thoughts before making any final decisions but are trying to keep open minds about anything.

We've gotten some negative feedback from a few people about considering adoption. I think some people think we should pursue bio children more first before even considering adoption. We are still hopeful for a bio child one day but feel we could love an adopted child just the same. 

If we were to adopt, it would likely be domestic infant adoption, although we are open to other possibilities. 

I have scanned through the FAQs and they are really helpful, thanks! I probably won't have a ton to contribute, but I hope I can be encouraging to others when possible and learn more from everyone here. 


Started TTC July 2012. Missed m/c & d&c 9/12 11w. Natural m/c 1/13 6w. Chemical pgs 3/13 & 8/13 around 4w. Currently TTA while saving for adoption.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” -Helen Keller
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Re: Lurker poking around

  • whatididntknowhatididntkno member

    I can relate. I'm not interested in fertility treatments and my only pregnancy ended in m/c. I have always wanted to adopt and DH finally got on board. My parents (only ones that initially knew we were TTC) had an incredibly negative response when we told them we were planning to adopt. MIL was super excited! Since then we have decided to pursue becoming foster parents- and we had the complete opposite reactions. MIL is super wary, my parents are totally on board. (Albeit, my mom still keeps saying "I just don't want you to give up having your own" which opens up a whole other can of worms with me.)

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that people will have all kinds of reactions, you just have to do what is right for you. As long as you believe in what you are doing and stand by it, the people that really matter will adapt. And if they don't, they aren't really worth maintaining close ties to IMO. 

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  • Flamingo86Flamingo86 member
    imagewhatididntkno:

    I can relate. I'm not interested in fertility treatments and my only pregnancy ended in m/c. I have always wanted to adopt and DH finally got on board. My parents (only ones that initially knew we were TTC) had an incredibly negative response when we told them we were planning to adopt. MIL was super excited! Since then we have decided to pursue becoming foster parents- and we had the complete opposite reactions. MIL is super wary, my parents are totally on board. (Albeit, my mom still keeps saying "I just don't want you to give up having your own" which opens up a whole other can of worms with me.)

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that people will have all kinds of reactions, you just have to do what is right for you. As long as you believe in what you are doing and stand by it, the people that really matter will adapt. And if they don't, they aren't really worth maintaining close ties to IMO. 

    Thanks for your encouraging words. I think others just see it as "giving up." I don't see it as giving up at all, just being open to alternative methods of having children. Our dream is to be parents, not necessarily to give birth. I don't give too much weight to other's opinions, but it's nice to hear from people who are supportive. 


    Started TTC July 2012. Missed m/c & d&c 9/12 11w. Natural m/c 1/13 6w. Chemical pgs 3/13 & 8/13 around 4w. Currently TTA while saving for adoption.

    “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” -Helen Keller
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  • GWUAlumGWUAlum member

    Just tonight my dad was asking questions about IVF and why didn't we want to go down that road. Good luck with your up coming journey! I love the little piggy bank count down!

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  • IRRIRR member
    Welcome lurkers and newbies.  Glad to have you "on-board".
    image

    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


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  • LIQueenLIQueen
    imageFlamingo86:

    I hesitated whether or not to post here, but you all seem very nice and welcoming. I've been lurking here over the past couple of weeks. We have not pursued fertility treatments but after two back-to-back losses are just starting to consider pursuing adoption. We are taking some time to just relax and gather our thoughts before making any final decisions but are trying to keep open minds about anything.

    We've gotten some negative feedback from a few people about considering adoption. I think some people think we should pursue bio children more first before even considering adoption. We are still hopeful for a bio child one day but feel we could love an adopted child just the same. 

    If we were to adopt, it would likely be domestic infant adoption, although we are open to other possibilities. 

    I have scanned through the FAQs and they are really helpful, thanks! I probably won't have a ton to contribute, but I hope I can be encouraging to others when possible and learn more from everyone here. 

    We tried 1 round of IVF  and went straight to adoption.  I was not in my right mind to focus on anymore infertility issues...I had had enough.  I was doing IVF, in grad school at night and working during the day in a very physical job.  I needed a mental break and adoption was that break.  Yes it is stressful in itself, but not at all stressful as IVF was for us.  We know with adoption that we will one day(hopefully soon) have a baby...with IVF we have a very very low chance of it ever working.  Many people have commented asking well why not try IVF again.  I tell them that I could not do that right now so we are adopting and will try IVF again in the future when the time is right.  Just say to people, "Don't you think I have gone through enough right now with trying to have a bio child?!"  I am sure they will agree and then tell them you may try in the future for bio children, but right now your heart and mind tell you adoption is the way to go for now.

    7/18/12-1st RE appointment CD2 blood work taken. Told to move straight to IVF. Starting BC pills and FSH injections plus Lupron. Hopefully doing ET in September Off BCP March 2011 Started TTC July 2011 7 months TTC with no luck an then.... Diagnosed 2/24/12 with 2 Ovarian Cysts. 3/22/12-Lap to remove cysts, look for endo, and see if tubes are clear. 3/22/12-Diagnosed with Severe Endo(tubes are clear). 4/4/12-Post op OBGYN appointment. Told chances of conceiving naturally are very low, but told conceiving in the next few months is our best chance due to being cleaned out during Lap. Referred to a RE. RE said IVF is our only chance to get pregnant. Told only a 20% chance even with two put in. 9/5-Lupron 9/20 Stims(Menopur & Follistim) 9/30 Trigger time 10/2 ER 10/3 fert report-out of 7 eggs retrieved only 2 fertilized. Hello "Thing 1 and Thing 2!" Kinda sad there is none to freeze. Because only 2 we will have 2DT to get them back into a natural envionment 10/4 ET. Found out that only 1 divided. We love you "Thing 2." Thing 1 is now snuggled inside me and we are praying it will be our take home baby! **Did not even make it to my beta, the day before on 10/16/12 I got my F'in period** Such a stab in the heart. Nov 2012-Moving onto domestic newborn adoption! Can't wait for my take home baby. We will try IVF again after 1-2 years of a clear head. Need a break from infertility treatments/issues for my mental sanity! image
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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member
    Welcome! What you experienced is pretty common. There are a lot of misconceptions on both sides of the argument for fertility treatments vs adoption, and many people have a very strong desire for a bio connection to their children. In the end, you need to do what's right for you despite what people say. GL and I hope to see you posting here often!
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  • irismorningirismorning member

    I would like to suggest that you read the book "In on It" by Elizabeth O'Toole

    I found this helpful to give out, but I would read it first.

    Mother of two wonderful boys! Blessed through adoption.

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  • Flamingo86Flamingo86 member
    imageGWUAlum:

    Just tonight my dad was asking questions about IVF and why didn't we want to go down that road. Good luck with your up coming journey! I love the little piggy bank count down!

    Thanks! We are just calling it the "baby fund" for now since we are still considering our options and aren't certain what we are going to pursue yet. The funds may be used for adoption, or possibly for things for a bio child. Who knows. Either way, I like being able to update the ticker every month :)


    Started TTC July 2012. Missed m/c & d&c 9/12 11w. Natural m/c 1/13 6w. Chemical pgs 3/13 & 8/13 around 4w. Currently TTA while saving for adoption.

    “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” -Helen Keller
    Report Reply
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