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3rd Trimester
AshleyRose
member
No baby shower for me
AshleyRose
member
Is anyone else out there not getting a baby shower? I'm a FTM, but we don't live near our family and close friends and I don't have any friends outside of work where we live. I have a registry but I don't even like to look at it now since it always shows that nothing has been purchased. I know that sounds selfish, but i just want the same experiences other FTM's are going through.
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Re: No baby shower for me
I'm not having one here. I moved here for University 7 years ago and have friends scattered here and there in the city (but most don't know each other). My husband's family is quite small here in the city and they aren't the biggest people for party events.
I don't mind in the least, mainly because I don't like being the center of attention. My family is huge (well over 40 now with aunts, uncles, cousins etc) but the large majority live 22 hour drive away. I plan to visit them in the sumemr a few months after baby is born and there will be a shower there but more as a meet and greet with the baby.
Here in the city we plan to have the baby baptised at 2 months old and will have people visit after that to meet baby, but will specify no gifts needed.
If you are really missing the idea of having a shower ask some close family back home to host a gathering when you and baby visit later on.
Have your family and friends asked for the registry? If so have you made sure that all who have asked have received it? It can be irritating because even though I had people ask about my registry and I sent it to them, they still ended up asking me again what I needed. .
I will say this. I had a shower and I had a great time but most of them were ex coworkers. All of my lifelong friends are not local to me and I have siblings in like 4 different states. The only thing that I received off my registry was the crib and my mom bought that. I tried to make things easy by making sure that low price points were covered as well as the higher dollar items. I even made it so the person could buy me a gift card. Trust me, I am grateful for what I did receive, but in the end DH and I had to go on the registry and pick out and purchase everything that we will need immediately upon delivery.
Not all FTMs have showers. They should never be expected for anyone. If your close friends or family want to buy you something, they will. Whether you have a shower or not does not matter. A shower is about a celebration of life, not what people have bought off your registry.
This. There is nothing wrong with how you feel! Hopefully you may get a surprise, but even if not try not to let it get you down. Use your registry for the completion discount to get what you need. And don't forget to send out birth announcements. Even though nothing if formally organized, you'll receive an outpouring of love and well wishes - people will be very excited for you.
Unfortunately, showers are not some rite of passage that everyone gets to go through. It's a bummer that you're not getting one, but a lot of people don't get a shower. And while showers are about "showering" the MTB with gifts, ultimately it's our responsibility to provide for our LOs - the registry is really just a list of things that the MTB is planning/wants to buy, not some magical list of stuff people are going to buy for us. Most people I know who get showers are gravely disappointed that a lot of people choose not to buy things off of it anyway. I just used mine to keep track of my purchases and for the completion coupon.
I did not have a shower the first time around for similar reasons. We lived very far from any of our family and only had a few local friends. It can make you feel very lonely and isolated when all these other women get to be surrounded by a large support system. My DH was really and truly great but there's something about that "welcome to the club" part of the shower that I missed.
Mind you, I didn't give a fig about the registery. My DH and I had a really wonderful time getting stuff and preparing for DD's arrival on our own. It felt special to do this as a couple starting our own family and it involved DH on a level he wouldn't have been if I had been getting all the stuff at a shower. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world.
One thing I did to keep my family and friends more in the loop was start a blog to let them know how the pregnancy was progressing. It made everyone feel a litle more connected.
Always Sunny's back b-tches!
This. That's very disappointing. When I was pregnant with DD, we had a decent registry with mostly reasonably priced items. (We bought most of the expensive stuff). Very very few people bought us stuff off the registry, which meant we ended up with a bunch of stuff we didn't want/ need. Just because you have a shower doesn't mean people will buy you what you need/ want.
I had a big shower with DS and honestly, I could have left it. It was great in that family and friends came together, I got to visit with a lot of people and was generously given gifts for the baby but I would have rather have done a "meet the baby" party that I have heard talked about on here.
On the bright side, you'll still get a completion coupon and family/friends are going to, more than likely, purchase things for your LO.
Oh lord I'm so sick of this "you chose to have a baby" crap.
You're right. We all chose to have a baby. Therefore we should never be allowed to feel sad, overwhelmed, depressed, alone, tired, or any other human emotion.
Of course it's her responsibility to take care of her baby's needs. I don't think she or anyone else is disputing that. But with showers being a prevalent part of our culture, and OP being far from her family and other support systems, I don't think it's unreasonable for her to have feelings about not getting to have that support system participate in her excitement of having a baby.
Showers are not always about gifts. Sometimes they are about community, love and celebration of a major milestone in someone's life. And it's ok to feel sad about missing out on that.
Always Sunny's back b-tches!
After the 1st baby they forget about you@ least that is how my family runs. I did kinda get a shower with my first, but it was over run by my cousins big news!:& It didn't help any that I was swollen like a balloon and it was a hot summer!
Well said, pinkiemo!
I haven't had a shower yet but I do believe my colleagues will be hosting one for me after the baby born (the norm around here) and will be inviting a few of my non-work friends. DH and I haven't lived in the area that long so most of my friends are from work. We have other friends here and there that don't know each other well so one of my colleagues asked if I thought it would be a good idea for her to invite them to the work shower if they have one for me. I have family nearby but I don't think they'll be throwing a shower for me. There haven't been any offers or talk about it. I don't expect anyone to have a shower for me and LO but it does hurt a bit to read about all of these FTMs (and even STMs etc) having showers (often more than one). So I can relate. DH and I have purchased most of the big ticket items (just have our crib left to purchase and that won't be until a little later down the road when we need it; don't think we're going to use a highchair). I'm not relying on anyone to purchase anything for us. I have a registry and no one has purchased anything on it. It's doubtful anyone will. Still, I'm sure we will receive presents after LO is born. We've already received a few small items in the mail from a distant relative and an old friend. Both were quite surprising to receive. I never realized how other people we are not terribly close to cared so much! So hopefully you will have the same experience even if you don't have a shower. Still, I can understand wanting to go through the experience of being honoured with a shower. Just letting you know that I can kind of relate.
BFP #1 09/02/11 M/C 09/12/11 8w6days
BFP #2 07/18/12 Baby S born on his EDD 03/23/13
SS - age 12...SD - age 8...DS - 13 mos.
I only had a small shower with my closest girlfriends. We also live far away from family. We still received tons of gifts for DD. In fact, I did have a registry and every single gift was bought for us. Very grateful for that!
A shower isn't really a big deal, honestly.
Actually, it is called a shower because the point is "to shower the mom with gifts." So it isn't really about celebrating life - it is about helping mom prepare for motherhood by ensuring she has all the things she needs... beyond that, the hosts, guests, etc might wnat to make it more meaningful / deeper, but that is at the discretion of the hosts.