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Help with MIL

beth2882beth2882 member
in Attachment Parenting
Looking for some advice on how to deal with my MIL who watches DD two days per week while DH and I are at work.  I am concerned she isn't feeding DD enough solid food, especially when DD is teething and won't take her bottles.  This week, I tried putting all of DD's food in little containers and telling MIL what to fed her and when.  On Monday, she "didn't get to" feeding DD a snack and "didn't realize" she was supposed to "offer" her the pulled pork (no BBQ sauce) that I had included as part of her lunch.  So, on Tuesday we wrote things down.  I come home to find out that between 8 am (when DD woke up) and 2:00pm DD only had 3 ounces of formula and then toast.  At 2:00 pm she had a bottle and at 2:30 lunch.  What the heck?  Any ideas on how to handle with without causing any stress in our relationship?  Oh, and she sleeps over on Sunday night and Monday night because she doesn't like the 50 minute commute to her house.
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Re: Help with MIL

  • TiffanyBerryTiffanyBerry member

    Is your daughter hungry after being there? Kids eat differing amounts of food in different places, so I can't yet tell if there is actually a problem.

    If your daughter IS hungry due to not getting enough food, then you need to tell your mom that shs is hungry and needs more food. If she can't keep her properly fed, you need to find another care provider, IMO. You've already tried a number of things, and the ony other thing I can think of (calling a few times a day) is somewhat demeaning and ridiculous. 

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  • beth2882beth2882 member
    Well, I am not there, so I can't say for sure if she just isn't hungry.  But, I do know that on the day she didn't get lunch until 2:30, she was fussy in the morning, but not in the afternoon after lunch.  On Monday when she didn't get the snack and pulled pork, she did eat a snack with me when I got home.  I don't know for sure...but she just doesn't do as well with MIL as far as food goes.
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  • erbearerbear member
    It sounds like this arrangement is not working for you. I don't see anything wrong with that schedule unless your DD seems unhappy or hungry, but you seem annoyed by your MIL. I'd look for something else.
    "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
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  • rubber_chickenrubber_chicken member

    This wouldn't bother me.  Kids eat differently with different people.  My kid eats way more solid food at daycare than she does at home, to the point I was worried they were shoveling it in.  But nope, she's just more interested, probably because she's seeing the other babies eat and is copying them.  And in any case, "Food before 1 is just for fun". 

    Also, I think when you have a family caregiver, especially a family caregiver who is going an hour out of her way to do you a favor, you have much less standing to complain.  Dads do things different than mom, and it's not necessarily wrong.  Same for grandparents.  I think that's part of the bargain. 

    That being said, this arrangement doesn't seem to be working for you.  I would find alternate care for those two days, even if it costs more, and just tell your MIL that you'd rather have her free to be a doting grandma than a daycare provider.

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