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My dd's dad is moving back

heather51983heather51983 member
in Blended Families
He has been in New Hampshire for 4 years and yesterday called and told me that he and his family are moving back. I'm really excited for my daughter to have her dad back but at the same time she has gotten use to life without him. I think I'm worried that it is going to strain her relationship with her stepdad, he has fully stepped into the dad role and great with her. Any advice for a worried mom? 
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Re: My dd's dad is moving back

  • CFjo2010CFjo2010 member
    I don't know your full backstory, but I think a child's relationship with their BP is more important than their relationship with a SP, assuming the relationship isn't toxic. And I'm a BM and SM. As long as you and SF encourage her relationship with BD, I believe your DD will continue to have a good relationship with SF. Yes, SF might take the backseat in some things but DD will greatly benefit from having all the parents involved in her life coparent.

    Has BD been involved even though he's been long distance? Will you be modifying the visitation schedule?
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  • cole2144cole2144 member

    imagejobalchak:
    I don't know your full backstory, but I think a child's relationship with their BP is more important than their relationship with a SP, assuming the relationship isn't toxic. And I'm a BM and SM. As long as you and SF encourage her relationship with BD, I believe your DD will continue to have a good relationship with SF. Yes, SF might take the backseat in some things but DD will greatly benefit from having all the parents involved in her life coparent. Has BD been involved even though he's been long distance? Will you be modifying the visitation schedule?

    All of this, what is the current schedule for visitation?

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  • heather51983heather51983 member
    There is no visitation schedule due to him being on the easy coast for 4 years. In 4 years they have only seen each a total of 20 days, they talk MAYBE once a month (sometimes 2 or 3 months) and thats usually me saying her dd you need to call your dad, not him calling her, text a couple times a month. It hasn't been easy on her that is for sure. When he was here and we weren't together he would say he would come get her and never show up or would take her and then have friends over and just ignore her. I'm very worried that now that he has more kids (ss 11, d 2 and twin s 3 months) she will get ignored because of them and she won't get the attention that she needs. PLus I'm worried about him saying that he will come get her and not show. As for her SF he has been her rock the last 5 years (thats how long we have been together),whenever anything is wrong she goes to him. Everytime her dad wouldn't show up SF was there for her. They have an amazing relationship. This is deffiantely going to be a gradual thing that happens. 
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Time will tell how this plays out, I hope he has realized he needs to step up but it does not sound promising. Can you talk to him about his intentions for how often he thinks he will see her and ask him to commit to more frequent phone conversations? Maybe suggest increasing it gradually so there is less of a chance of calls every day for a month and then no calls for two months? If he says he wants to see her regularly then I would insist on him showing committment or I would fight him on it. Encourage him instead of her, and do it for her benefit.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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