Advice Needed on Bad Behavior

betsy538 · February 2013

First off, it's been a long time since I've been on the boards! So Hi!

My DS has been head butting/hitting/pinching when he gets mad for a while, but it's gotten really bad lately, I need to stop the craziness! We do time outs, sometimes with a light spank on the butt to get the point across. He'll sit in the time out for a while (rarely ever cries when I put him in time out), then I tell him say sorry (he says it right away) and he goes on his merry way.

Any ideas/advice to help curb this behavior is welcome. He's really a sweet boy as long as you don't tick him off...haha!

betsy538 · February 2013

Also, why the heck won't my siggy change?!

Temp123197812503460 · February 2013

everything i've read says time outs arent effective till 2+, they just dont get it before then

i'm not sure how spanking would work if you are trying to teach him that you dont want him to hit - seems like a difficult lesson

for now we just redirect or ignore depending on the situation

betsy538 · February 2013

somewhereincali:

everything i've read says time outs arent effective till 2+, they just dont get it before then

i'm not sure how spanking would work if you are trying to teach him that you dont want him to hit - seems like a difficult lesson

for now we just redirect or ignore depending on the situation

I am all for ignoring behavior, we ignore his tantrums, but the head butting can't really be ignored, it's dangerous, and hurts like heck!

I am torn with spanking, at this point, I don't want to say don't hit, and then give him a pop, I realize that he doesn't understand it. But it's really hard to get his attention when he's in a mood and thrashing around. He chills out while sitting in time out, and he's good to go after that (until something else ticks makes him mad!).

Temp123197812503460 · February 2013

betsy538:
somewhereincali:

everything i've read says time outs arent effective till 2+, they just dont get it before then

i'm not sure how spanking would work if you are trying to teach him that you dont want him to hit - seems like a difficult lesson

for now we just redirect or ignore depending on the situation

I am all for ignoring behavior, we ignore his tantrums, but the head butting can't really be ignored, it's dangerous, and hurts like heck!

I am torn with spanking, at this point, I don't want to say don't hit, and then give him a pop, I realize that he doesn't understand it. But it's really hard to get his attention when he's in a mood and thrashing around. He chills out while sitting in time out, and he's good to go after that (until something else ticks makes him mad!).

i understand you cant ignore that part (my 18 month olds do it to each other, we have to intervene then for sure). thats where the redirecting comes in, you physically stop them from doing the behavior and then get them to do something else instead. there just isnt much teaching thats possible, and its totally normal. understand that helped me get over feeling bad about it, its not so much bad behaviour as just what they do when they are frustrated and cant express themselves.

NotSharknado · February 2013

Time outs are actually effective. If he understands that he needs to say sorry then he understands time outs. I would stay consistent. When he hits or headbutts also put him down and walk away from him. Redirect too. I know now when Sophia is going to hit or pinch and I'm able to tell her "Remember to be nice". If she does it anyway I put her down and tell her I'm not playing until she can be nice. Time outs have worked for us too.

Duffgurl · February 2013

Hey betsy Smile

Your siggy has to be saved like 10x's for it to save. At least that is what I did lol.

With the behavior do you all explain to be nice?

We have tantrums here and we try to ignore them unless he is going to hurt himself.

We do time outs and always try to redirect what he does. HTH

Rachey1082 · February 2013

There is a similar post to this one just a little bit down the page. It has some great advice in it.

GL

NativeFloridian · February 2013

shanado:
Time outs are actually effective. If he understands that he needs to say sorry then he understands time outs. I would stay consistent. When he hits or headbutts also put him down and walk away from him. Redirect too. I know now when Sophia is going to hit or pinch and I'm able to tell her "Remember to be nice". If she does it anyway I put her down and tell her I'm not playing until she can be nice. Time outs have worked for us too.

This.

My 5yo used to hit and bite, and while my first instinct was to give her a swat and ask her how she liked it, I realized that hitting in order to teach not to hit was pretty counterproductive. I would usually catch her hands if she tried to hit or stop her from biting by placing my hand on her forehead and moving out of the way of her teeth, then I'd walk completely away from her.

The more I "escaped" the hits and bites and ignored the behavior the less interested she was, until she simply stopped. If she ever did land a hit or a bite, I told her, "Hitting/biting is not nice, we do not hit/bite," then placed her in a short time-out and walked away. She didn't really "get" time out, honestly, but she didn't like that she wasn't getting whatever result she was looking for, or that mommy didn't pay attention to her after she did it, so she gave up on the behavior before long.

DD2 doesn't "get" time out either, so I don't really use it, but most of the time words or natural consequences work for her, and she's not really displayed any hitting/biting/headbutting tendencies.

And, in call cases, consistency is key. I said this in the post below, but kids - toddlers especially - will try and try and try again to press their limits. They're nothing if not resilient. It's natural and normal, but also means that we have to be patient, consistent, and willing to put in a LOT of work to correct unsavory behaviors.

betsy538 · February 2013

I always use words before going to the next level, we tell him it isn't nice to hit, bite, etc. it depends on his mood if he's going to be receptive to it.

I read the post below after I made this one, there is definitely some good info the...it's just getting so frustrating!

Mommy2CB · February 2013

DS will sometimes hit but not when he's angry, more like its a new thing and he thinks it's funny. We tell him no and say you have to be nice. We had taught him previously to be nice to the kitties so he will say niiiceeeee and pat them gently and so we use it with hitting us as well. He stops right away and says nice and pats us gently. it's worked great!

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