Everyone says we're creating a monster...

Megroons · February 2013

DS is sleeping with us. Not all night but usually around 1:00, 3:00, or sometimes not until 5:00. He wakes up "just because" and we can't get him to go back to sleep in his crib. He was STTN at 7 wks 3 days and had been doing fine up until about 4 weeks ago which I'm blaming on the 4 month wakeful. I'm getting tons of shiit from friends and family and it's making me feel crappy about letting him sleep with us. We're so tired though and he literally will not go back to sleep in his bed. It'll be fine, right? People make it seem like we'll have this 13 year old that we've ruined because he still wants to sleep with us. Confused

Unem · February 2013

Meh.

I'm pretty sure he won't be sleeping in your bed when he's 16, so you have some time to break the habit.

Seriously though: We always start by trying to do the 'right' thing. If it doesn't work, we try the next thing on the list, and if everything else fails, we'll do whatever it takes to get some sleep.

MrsAB1316 · February 2013

Do you see many teenagers still sleeping with their parents? No. Tell people to mind their own business. This works for you and right now, sleep trumps habit forming, IMO.

I used to be very anti-co-sleeping (<---ummm, not sure if correct?) but once I had S, I realized how much I loved not only co-sleeping but bed-sharing as well. It works for us and he sleeps awesome like that. Not so much in the crib.

Now, if your family/friends want to come over and deal with him all night while you sleep...I'd say let em have at it! lol

jberry714 · February 2013

Don't worry! My son slept with me in bed. I did the start in his bed then move when he woke up. Well he was never in my bed past 2 years old since he slept through the night. He's six now and isn't in my bed ever.
I'm doing the same with DD because it worked so well.

ifwisheswerefishes · February 2013

MrsAB1316:
Do you see many teenagers still sleeping with their parents? No. Tell people to mind their own business. This works for you and right now, sleep trumps habit forming, IMO.
I used to be very anti-co-sleeping (<---ummm, not sure if correct?) but once I had S, I realized how much I loved not only co-sleeping but bed-sharing as well. It works for us and he sleeps awesome like that. Not so much in the crib.
Now, if your family/friends want to come over and deal with him all night while you sleep...I'd say let em have at it! lol

All of this.

icedcoffeeluv · February 2013

I could have written this exact post myself. I actually posted this in another thread but H was a great sleeper and STTN (long nights too!) at like 8 weeks old. Then at like 16 weeks she got sick and she hasn't STTN again since. Last night after having been up for an hour I brought her to bed with me. At one point I had rocked her back to sleep but she woke up as soon as I put her back in her crib.

After they were sick A started sleeping through the night when prior to she had been getting up still.

watercolor5 · February 2013

I don't know why people act like things like this are permanent. You can transition your son to his crib whenever you want to. It may be more difficult later if he has established a habit, but consistency will get it done whether it's now or later. FWIW, it's nobody else's business where you and your husband put your son to sleep, and tons of parents co-sleep, including my pediatrician.

jchasmc09 · February 2013

Unem:
Meh.
I'm pretty sure he won't be sleeping in your bed when he's 16, so you have some time to break the habit.
Seriously though: We always start by trying to do the 'right' thing. If it doesn't work, we try the next thing on the list, and if everything else fails, we'll do whatever it takes to get some sleep.

All of this. I never thought I'd so-sleep and/or bed share, let DD sleep on her tummy, etc..., but after trying it the "right" way first and realizing it wasn't working for us, we tried other things on the "list" until we got to something that let us all sleep and live together peacefully.

Mom2Mack1 · February 2013

Unem:
Meh.
I'm pretty sure he won't be sleeping in your bed when he's 16, so you have some time to break the habit.
Seriously though: We always start by trying to do the 'right' thing. If it doesn't work, we try the next thing on the list, and if everything else fails, we'll do whatever it takes to get some sleep.

This exactly.

2poodles2Love · February 2013

tara1223:
If DD is having a hell of a night, she comes in our bed, we need to sleep to function.Most nights she doesn't come in until she wakes at 530, I nurse her in bed and we both pass out for another hour when its time to wake up for the day. She wakes once in the MOTN and goes right back in her crib.I'm not going to be nursing her when she is 5 and if she wants to climb into our bed some mornings, awesome, she's only going to be little for so long. There will come a time that I am going to wish she would climb in our bed and cuddle. nbsp;

I feel the same!!

terri_doula2010 · February 2013

You aren't creating a monster. You can change the situation whenever it stops working...6 months, 10 months, a year, 2 years...whatever. Eventually he'll start sleeping through the night again. Eventually he won't want to sleep with you anymore.

We moved DS back into our room a few months ago. He is usually on his own bed, but he was having lots of nightmares and now he doesn't have them. He STTN consistently for the first time since he turned 4 months (read: a long, long time ago). I don't think that is creating a monster.

When Hazel is sleeping well and when she is older, I plan on having the kids share a room. I think that will help Eric, and we'll get our room back. That will probably be in a year or so.

superned · February 2013

We're doing the same thing. Between a cold, starting child care (and some serious reverse cycling), and the 4 month wakeful, DS just can't make it all night in the PNP, so I bring him to bed with us in the middle of the night.

We did the same with DD when she was struggling with STTN. She stopped needing us on her own, we moved her into her crib, and other than a random bad night, she's been there ever since (well, now she's in a twin bed). She's 2.5 now and has been a rock star sleeper since about 10-11 months old.

My philosophy is that while it's not ideal, we have to do what we have to do to meet his needs. Right now he needs to be close to me and he needs to nurse over night. He's only 4 months old! When this arrangement stops working for us, then we'll move on to the next step. Might there be a few rough nights? Maybe. But I think as long as I'm being responsive to his needs while also considering what's best for us as a family (like not co-sleeping with a toddler), then I'm not creating a "monster."

kegallagh · February 2013

Do what works. We live bed sharing,.and I honestly can't imagine having Rhett sleep away from us. Like others mentioned, it isn't permanent and you can break the habit whenever you're ready. Rhett goes down in our bed right at bedtime. Jude goes down in his floor bed in his room and then comes into our room sometime around midnight [he just sneaks in without waking any of us so it works for me!]. We all sleep great with this arrangement, and that's what's important to me right now.

bubblewrapjk · February 2013

Ditto what everyone else says. Do what works for your family. It's not like You are putting him in some dangerous sleep situation or giving him candy when he misbehaves [well, if he was able to misbehave, or eat candy...]. If their kid slept in a crib in their own room from day 1, good for them and they are probably lying. ;]

melody921 · February 2013

He's way too young for anything to be habit-forming yet. Do what you need to to get some sleep. You'll figure out how to get him back in his bed.

3monkeysmama · February 2013

Do what is best for your family. Everyone sleeping is generally the best! Don`t listen to what others say. We co-sleep, and have pretty much always had good nights sleep for everyone. I have a friend who is dead set against it, and her kid is a terrible sleeper who wakes them all the time. Like PP said, not too many teenagers still sleep with their parents!

thebanich · February 2013

Megroons:
DS is sleeping with us. Not all night but usually around 1:00, 3:00, or sometimes not until 5:00. He wakes up "just because" and we can't get him to go back to sleep in his crib. He was STTN at 7 wks 3 days and had been doing fine up until about 4 weeks ago which I'm blaming on the 4 month wakeful. I'm getting tons of shiit from friends and family and it's making me feel crappy about letting him sleep with us. We're so tired though and he literally will not go back to sleep in his bed. It'll be fine, right? People make it seem like we'll have this 13 year old that we've ruined because he still wants to sleep with us.

We did this with DD until she was about 14 months old. She would go to sleep in her crib, wake up and sleep with us. We had to do sleep training around 14 months because DS was on his way and I wasn't about to deal with both of them awake at night.

MeatballEsq · February 2013

I used to do the same thing. Now when he wakes up in the middle of the night I go downstairs with him, put him in his swing, turn it on and sleep on the couch. I traded one bad habit for another. You do what you have to do to get some sleep. Don't stress.

Hyaline · February 2013

This is why I don't tell people that we bedshare. Seriously. They either assume we're horrifically unsafe parents and we're going to crush our baby, or they believe we're spoiling her. Now--I fully believe that the eventual transition to crib/bed only is going to be more difficult than if she'd never gotten used to sleeping with us. But I decided I can have that battle once, later, and it will be difficult, or we can fight it every.single.day right now. For who knows how long. Put in that perspective, I'm ok with doing what works now.

Also--I love waking up next to her sweet little face and cuddling wit her.

Do what works for you, and cross the next bridge when you come to it. It will be fine.

kjskjs · February 2013

Tell them that they are welcome to come over and keep him quiet and happy in his crib while you sleep...that should shut them up.

You're not going to create a monster unless you let it run wild until he's older.

tma1685 · February 2013

Don't worry about it our daughter slept with us almost every night until she was 3 and now she's 8 and could care less about sleeping with us. You will be fine. Don't worry about what other people say. It will be just fine.

Megroons · February 2013

Thanks everyone! I feel a lot better knowing that many of you co-sleep like we do and that it won't in fact last forever. I'm definitely going to take the advice of not telling anyone what we're doing and that will reduce the negative comments! Big Smile

Shazzie116 · February 2013

Meh, do what you need to do to get sleep right now. DD has been sick this week and since learning to roll over, she rolls to her tummy at night and then wakes up screaming. So we bed share. It works for us. It won't be forever.

emasters · February 2013

tara1223:

If DD is having a hell of a night, she comes in our bed, we need to sleep to function.

Most nights she doesn't come in until she wakes at 530, I nurse her in bed and we both pass out for another hour when its time to wake up for the day. She wakes once in the MOTN and goes right back in her crib.

I'm not going to be nursing her when she is 5 and if she wants to climb into our bed some mornings, awesome, she's only going to be little for so long. There will come a time that I am going to wish she would climb in our bed and cuddle.

Yes Yup!

LoveMyA · February 2013

We bed-share, in fact we don't even have a crib- by choice. My family thought we were crazy, probably still do but I've learned not to care. Do what works for you. My stepmom said made a comment in the beginning and I just looked at her and said " it's our choice" and it's never been brought up again. Also some people would argue its better for the baby to bed share, I think to each their own.