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September 2012 Moms
MH tells me he didn't want me to get pregnant
ae yes; mud no
(This came up as we were discussing potentially having more children)
Me: So when do you think you'd be ready to have another baby?
DH: I don't know, I wasn't thrilled the first time you got pregnant
Me: HUH?
DH: I didn't want to have them this young but you were determined (weird because we're not 18 or something) and I couldn't make you take your birth control.
Me: Sad crying face
I had no idea at all that MH didn't want to have children. He never ever hinted at it. I feel awful and sick to my stomach now.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: MH tells me he didn't want me to get pregnant
Liam Dean | 09.11.12 | 6lbs 13oz
sounds like mud
i'm the kettle btw.
You: "Hey ayyy eeee, way to air your dirty laundry on an online forum full of internet strangers"
Me: "8======D~~~"
How long did it take him to catch his breath after you punched him in his throat?
i wish it was honestly.
Yes. We discussed TTC and at the time he had no issue with it. He seemed excited throughout the pregnancy. Now I'm doubting our entire relationship.
This happened on the phone.
I am sorry
. That would be SO upsetting.
Do you feel like you can talk to him about it? Maybe get clearer expectations on future plans for more kids?
I had been on birth control since we have been together. We discussed TTC and agreed on a time for me to go off of it and then I got pregnant (obviously). I actually just threw up. I feel like our entire relationship is a lie. Anytime I ask him something he says "well whatever I say doesn't matter you're going to do what you want". Even something as simple as, what do you want for dinner?
Depression?
By the way, from what you say here I think his whole "I didn't want you to get pregnant in the first place" or whatever he said is a COP OUT.
What a crock of shiit.
Why are some people such jerks?
Are you both having trouble adjusting to being parents? It has been hard for us.
You: "Hey ayyy eeee, way to air your dirty laundry on an online forum full of internet strangers"
Me: "8======D~~~"
Sounds like there might be bigger communication issues at hand. Have you ever thought about seeing a counselor?
Sounds like there might be bigger communication issues at hand. Have you ever thought about seeing a counselor?
Sounds like there might be bigger communication issues at hand. Have you ever thought about seeing a counselor?
I've been talking about us getting counseling for communication issues for a long time, he always changes the subject. We honestly don't have any other issues besides the whole "whatever I say doesn't matter" bologna.
I have had trouble with it, he seems to be fine. I guess seems is the key word.
That is hard. If you are serious about getting counseling, maybe you will have to just make an appointment and tell him that you care about your marriage but you deserve to be treated fairly. You want him to attend this with you and give him the date and time to plan on it. Maybe just take out the conversation about deciding on doing it or not to show you are very serious.
My thoughts, too. Ugh, what a turd.
1. Make the counseling appointment. No use talking about "should we", "will you" etc. etc. If he refuses to go, then cancel that appt and make one for yourself only. You need to make.the.appointment. That is step 1.
2. Have you been BSC/unstable? I have been a hellion to deal with. How we don't have bigger issues is beyond me. Sometimes I spew a slew (lol) of less-than-nice words (not at him, but still), but expect him to keep it together.
You: "Hey ayyy eeee, way to air your dirty laundry on an online forum full of internet strangers"
Me: "8======D~~~"
If I make the appt and he won't go... then what? I would go by myself but what does that mean for my marriage?
I don't think I'm unstable. I take medication for depression and I think I hold myself together well. I do have inner turmoil but I don't take it out on anyone.
Ditto this.
I'm sorry OP.
You: "Hey ayyy eeee, way to air your dirty laundry on an online forum full of internet strangers"
Me: "8======D~~~"
So sorry
MH is kind of having hard time adjusting to being a parent. He says he doesn't want any more because of how much work it is, even though he knows I want to be a family of five. Maybe YH is just more vocal about it. I think men just underestimate how much change a baby does actually make. Try to talk to him calmly about how you feel. If he gets angry, then try again another time. Marriage can be so difficult sometimes. I hope you get it resolved soon.
That's the weird thing. He said, "well since we already started having kids, we might as well roll them out! " Yet he apparently doesn't want the first one? I'm just so confused and hurt.
I'm not entertaining that idea at all anymore!
I am going to step in it saying this.
But.
Is any of that true? That you tend to get what you want? I ask because I've been tempted to say some similar things to DH because, honestly, he's the person in our relationship who tends to get what he wants.
I get being upset, really, but I don't think because he confided that he wasn't really thrilled at the prospect of baby #1 that your entire relationship is a lie. Is it revealing stuff that you need to work on? Hellz yes. But that doesn't mean you just give up on the relationship or decide he's a worthless douche. (Yes, what he said was douchey. Please raise your hand if you've never said anything douchey to your SO.)
Even if he didn't want you to get pregnant, how is he as a father, and equally important, how is your marriage after the arrival of LO? I'm not trying to diminish the a-hole-ness of what he said, but in my circle of friends, one couple never wanted children, had an oops, and the dad is 110% different than he was prior to LOs arrival.
I would tell you to go to councelling on your own if he won't go. I went by myself after only going once with DH and I found it helpful. You can't control anything but yourself, and it's important that you feel good about yourself and your depression doesn't get worse.
Nancy James 9.1.12
Calvin Donald 8.27.14
Yes.
Talk to him about it more, talk to him about counseling and try to see if the comment is coming from a time of stress or if he's really felt that way the whole time. I agree with others that he may be suffering from stress/ppd.
What he said is unexcusable and extremely hurtful, so I am not defending it at all... but I've said things like "I'm overwhelmed by my life" and DH took it to mean that I wasn't happy with my life. Luckily for us, he's vocal about those things and called me out on it right away. It's can be stressful having kids.
Big Kid Jan 2010
Littlest Man Sept 2012
I'm trying to be objective and think about that, really. There is probably some truth to it but I don't think I'm controlling and I don't think I get what I want 100% of the time.
He has been wonderful. That is why this comment is such a huge shock to me. Our marriage has been not as great as it was back in the day. I think he's unhappy with our S life. We only do it 2-3 times a week and he wants it every day.
Hopefully you guys can have a good conversation about this and he can put his feelings into less offensive words. Maybe it came out wrong, or he didn't want kids but now he's happy? Something? I'm just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because it sounds so completely douchy to say. If he's been good about everything else, hopefully it was just a momentary lapse of sanity and he'll come home and apologize and you guys can figure everything out.
Good luck!!
Nancy James 9.1.12
Calvin Donald 8.27.14
Fair enough--between this and your comment about him wanting sex more often and feeling like your relationship isn't where you both/he would like it, it sounds like he's having a rough time with the transition between a family of two to a family of three, between being a husband and being a husband and a dad. Maybe he needs counselling, or maybe he just needs some more encouragement and attention when you can spare some. I hate to play into stereotypes, but sometimes men can be giant babies, and when they're not shown enough attention they act out by piddling on the floor (wait, that's puppies. Whatever.) What he said was crappy, but it sounds like it came from a place of hurt and confusion, not like he was trying to wound you.
I hope you can use this as a springboard to talk to him about the bigger picture of your relationship instead of it just being a sour, crappy moment!
Yeah. He needs to get over that, quick fast. Having a baby changes everything. Especially your sex life. Not saying that sex isn't important, because it is...but at 5 months or so after birth, he expects you to be banging it out every day??? Sheah....keep dreaming, buddy.
Um, me and DH have never done it 3x a week, before PG or after. So the fact that YH is getting it 3x/week to me is surprising. What Mrs.AB said, though. He needs get real with his expectations.
Also, I really don't understand how he never voiced an opinion about this before you both got PG... Maybe my H is different but he sure as he_ll would've let his opinion be known.
[MC 11.20.11] [DS born 9.24.12] [DD born 10.15.14]