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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
desertmouse39
member
Too Stressed, Starting to Crack (vent)
desertmouse39
member
I made it through the summer with my newborn, lovely baby girl - overcame my mental issues with the difficulty w/BFing, the in-laws who wouldn't leave, my husband's constant travel schedule, etc.... When it came time to go back to work, I gritted my teeth and put the baby in daycare and returned to a job I hated, because we are not financially stable if I don't work. Even managed the holidays without any major freak-outs.
But I think I am losing it now! Baby girl isn't sleeping very well, or very often. My mother has been visiting and is driving me CrAzY, I'm over my husband's attitude about so many things and how he acts so much like a child that I often feel like I'm taking care of two children, but the only time I get to spend with my baby is when I am putting her to sleep or trying to calm her/put her back to sleep at 3 or 4 in the morning, which I then resent because I'm so freakin' tired for work. On the weekends I spend what seems like forever trying to get the grocery shopping done, making baby food, doing laundry and taking care of everyone else. Yesterday was awful trying to deal with my mom and I'm running on just a few hours of sleep. This sucks.
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Re: Too Stressed, Starting to Crack (vent)
Im right there with you about work. I had hoped to not have to go back to the job im tired of but we are also not in a position were we have any other choice. It feels like all of a sudden once the baby comes its all on the woman sometimes
( we are amazing though!) I mean, look at everything you listed, you are WONDERWOMAN!
Have you tried talking to DH about his attitude? We went through a similar issue in the fall and it turned out all we both needed was to sit down and address what had been going on. Maybe once that is sorted out he can help take the load off
I hope everything gets better, and I hope any of this helped. BE STRONG!!! 
Hang in there. Try doing peapod for groceries. They take coupons. I find that I spend less and get the stuff I really need.
Talk to your dh about him taking some night shifts. You need to get out and have some me time.
are you still nursing? If so, bringing the baby to bed and doing side lying nursing in the middle of the night is the only way I can survive at work. Learn side lying nursing if you haven't already. It's a lifesaver. Check kellymom for an illustrated guide.
W my first dd I spent all my time at work wishing I could be home. Now, I love my job so that helps so so much. If you just focus on not liking your job it will make your state of mind that much worse. Focus on what you like or what you can change about your job. Look for another one. Do something for yourself on lunch, like take a walk or read a book... That will help tremendously in all areas of your life.
When I have errands on the weekend I do them w LO and they can be fun. For example showing her things at the supermarket, or her "helping" me fold clothes. That helps ease the burden.
It also sounds like you need to have a come to Jesus meeting w your dh. I parented an infant w an unsupportive dh and am now divorced frm him. Now I parent an infant w a supportive dh. What a huge huge difference. You've got to get your dh on your team. I don't agree w the "superwoman" premise. Men and women should pull equal weight [or at least attempt to] when both are working.
Good luck. Think about seeing a therapist if this seems too daunting to tackle. It can only help!
Thank you, Ladies -
My mom leaves today, so that will relieve some stress. I feel like I am constantly talking to my husband about needing more help from him, and he changes for a little bit and then it falls apart again. I HATE initiating the conversation about the same damn thing every few weeks, i feel like a broken record.
We don't have the money to hire any help (a weekly house cleaner would be a DREAM) and unfortunately, we don't live near any family, or friends who can really "help". It falls to me, or DH, or it doesn't get done. This also becomes an issue with the grandparents then, because when they visit they stay in our house and insist on being here for at least a week at a time, despite my repeated requests for shorter visits. That is a whole other issue/post, however. Since my baby was born in June, I have not gone longer than 6 weeks without at least one grandparent in the home or having to travel to their out-of-state homes for holidays and visits.
Something will have to change, or I really may have a nervous break-down. My fantasy this past week was taking the baby and the dog and running away to the mountains somewhere, with no grandparents, husband or stressful job.
Well, the similarity we have is that my LO also isn't sleeping.
And sleep deprivation for me is the worst part of being a parent. I can deal with anything else expect the lack of sleep. I am the worse tired mommy EVER.
Hang in there! Its uber hard, yes. I completely understand, believe me.
But you have a healthy baby and that is more than you can ask for. Just think of it like that.
Tired mommies unite!
I am sending you hugs & I know what you are going through. My DH has always talked about wanting a a bunch of kids. Let me tell you, I am at my breaking point with him. We are both home (we both got laid off from the same company) so we rotate nights. DS is going on 6 months & still waking up sometimes 2-3 times a night. DH doesnt lift a finger around the house to help with anything & gets upset if I wake him before say 10 am, even after I have been up most of the night & then get up at 7:30 to get DD off to school no matter what time DS finally fell into a good sleep.
We are fighting constantly & I am starting to consider asking him to leave, He is like having another child. Making dirty dishes, piling them NEXT to the sink with crusted food on them, never takes garbage out anymore, doesn't do anything inside but will play with his crap in the garage or help a friend with a favor. I have tried every way to get through to him that things need to change but nothing works. I don't know who this person is because I came from a horrible abusive relationship where my ex didnt help with DD & my DH was the complete opposite which is why I fell in love & marrried him. I am at a loss! I find life getting harder & no relief in sight. I am so depresed & I am not even enjoying my son. I don't get men at all. All he has talked about for the past 8 years is us having babies, even after my son had colic he'd ask when the next one was coming. All i could do is laugh because after seeing this bratty, *** about everything, lazy side of him. I am done having kids!
I love my DS but he is SO MUCH WORK. My DD was so easy, just hung out. DS is always crying, whining & wants to be held all the time. He only sleeps well on me or with me & then I don't sleep. I refuse to sleep in my room next to him in the bassinet because then I won't sleep at all. I hear every noise & DH will just snore through and expect me to get up even on his nights. It is such BULL that we have to fight over who's turn it is. We should enjoy this time! I am so bitter that this is how things turned out. I just want my caring, loving DH back that always chipped in. I miss him! I miss us :-(
Oh Mel5983,
I'll send you some hugs right back
I'm sorry that your DH isn't willing to help out at all. I know he is probably feeling a lot of difficult things around being out of work, not being able to "provide for the family" blah-blah-blah, but he's gonna have to put on his big boy pants and deal with it. The sharing of night-time duties is really big because trying to be a mommy on no sleep is just the pits, and it magnifies all the other things that he isn't helping with! At least that's the case in our house. Please try to talk to him about just how awful you are feeling and outline for him exactly what it is you need him to do... When I can get my husband to "refocus", this is the only way it works. For some reason, expecting him to "see" that the dishes need washing, trash going out, whatever - it doesn't happen. I actually asked him last summer if he wanted me to make a "chore chart" for the fridge, which he thought was insulting, but it made my point. For a while.
I'm going to see a therapist for at least a few sessions just so I can get my head on straight about all the things that seem to be going awry in my life/home. When I made the appointment and gave a brief outline of what has been going on with my husband, the therapist stated that she sees MANY new moms who experience a frustrating shift in their husbands after baby arrives.
Good Luck, Warm Thoughts.