DH Deploying weeks after birth... — The Bump
Military Families

DH Deploying weeks after birth...

We recently found out my hubby will be deploying about 3 weeks after my Due Date with our first child. We've made the decision to put all of our things into storage and for me to move back home for help with the baby while he's gone (we are stationed far away from family).

Has anyone had any experience with this, or even any advice. I'm nervous about going back home and having influence from my parents on how to raise the baby - take care of it etc., but feel grateful for them opening their arms and their houses again to allow me to live there. I am having mixed feelings and just want to hear what others have done to maybe "reassure" myself with this!

Re: DH Deploying weeks after birth...

  • DH left 3wk after DS1 was born. I actually stayed put. My parents came out for the first 2wk, then DH's parents came out the week after that, then FIL left (had to get back to work) and MIL stayed an extra week after that (she is retired). I had help for that first month that I actually weened slowly off of. LOL   It wasn't until the 2nd deployment when I had 2 kids (youngest was 5mos at that time) that I moved back home with my parents.

    With DS1, since he was my first I welcomed advice and then chose what I wanted to do and what I wanted to disregard. And I always took help when it was offered. If you have a good relationship with your parents you can always talk to them about what is going on in your head and your concerns and maybe decide on some ground rules so everyone has a basic understanding of their "roles" and what is expected. 

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  • With all due respect, if you even have the remote feeling that your parents will try to take over, then you shouldn't move in with them. Their house, their rules with everything EXCEPT the parenting of your kid. Your kid, your responsibility, your rules. If it becomes a problem, rent an apartment nearby.
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  • Have you considered finding a small apartment near your parents?  That way you'll be near family but still have some independence.
  • If it were me, I wouldn't do it.  I'd schedule family members to come visit me and then plan a trip or two out to see them as the baby gets bigger.  Like another poster said, if you have the least bit of a doubt, I'd reconsider.  
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  • My DH has deployed 3 times since we've had kids - I've stayed put every time. I've gone to visit family for a few weeks at a time, but really "home" is MY HOUSE. I do better when i can set my schedule with the baby, etc. 

    However, if you feel you need some help & you get along with your folks, then I'm sure it will work out. And of course you might save some money, too! :) 

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  • My DH deployed when DD was 7 weeks and I did move home and am very happy I did. We had only been at our duty station for a few months so I had no support system in place. Also, my parents are helpful but do not interfere in my parenting, I would have a really hard time living with them if I knew they would. Do you have a solid support system where you are? If so, I would probably stay put and just have family come to you. If you don't I like the idea of getting an apartment near your parents, that way you have their support but they won't be interfering as much.
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  • I'm at the end of my pregnancy and living with my mil. It's okay. Difficult sometimes because she's not my mom and we do things differently. My husband will be gone until baby is about six months old and I worry about her trying to take over. I had Mr talk to her ahead if time a our her role and how I needed to ask for help not get taken over. Hopefully it'll stick. Talking ahead of time seems like the only thing you can do since you're asking them for the favor of staying with them. Good luck!
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  • DH left when DD was 5 weeks old.  I did go home and spend the rest of my maternity leave wtih my parents. 

    How old are you that you're worried about your parents influencing the way you raise your child?  I'm thinking you are super young.  I didn't care at all what  my parents thought.  I am DD's mother and I made all the decisions.  Period. 

    If you don't have a good relationship with them, then cut your visit short.  But I can assure you that having extra help with a newborn is a good thing. 

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  • imageLyndseylovesHugh:
    My DH deployed when DD was 7 weeks and I did move home and am very happy I did. We had only been at our duty station for a few months so I had no support system in place. Also, my parents are helpful but do not interfere in my parenting, I would have a really hard time living with them if I knew they would. Do you have a solid support system where you are? If so, I would probably stay put and just have family come to you. If you don't I like the idea of getting an apartment near your parents, that way you have their support but they won't be interfering as much.

     

    We just got PCS'd to this base about 5 months ago, so my support system isn't strong like our previous base (like you). We decided to pack up and I'll go home so we can financially be in a better situation when he comes back. We won't have to pay rent, electric all that stuff - so we're doing it partly to save money, but partly so I can have family around. Unfortunately, if I stayed here in SC, my family wouldn't be able to stay for more than a few days at a time & the distance to travel from home is just too expensive for them to do that all the time. I'm 25 years old - but I don't think my age really has anything to do with it. I'm close with my parents and will be thankful for their help, but I'm just like any human and I begin to have doubts and worries - that's all!

  • DH deployed 4 weeks after our son was born. I went to be around family, but there was so much drama I found myself depressed. I left early to get things set back up for when hubby got back and enjoyed every minute back at our duty station. I spent time with other wives in the squadron and made some life friends. Family back home didn't understand what I was going through. This time I decided to stay here. My grandma is coming to stay for awhile. Good luck. I hope all turns out well for you and that your DH has a safe and happy return.
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