Parenting after a Loss

AW: First real smile and it was so bittersweet...

This morning as I was holding Miles and smiling at him, his face totally lit up.  He smiles with his eyes and mouth and he did it several times when I would smile at him so I know it isn't a fluke.  I LOVE this part of being a mommy, but what I didn't expect was that it would remind me that I never got to see Annabelle smile like that.  It was such a bittersweet moment and I really wasn't expecting it at all.  I suppose it makes me appreciate these smiles that much more, but I just wish I could have them from my Annabelle as well...  


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Re: AW: First real smile and it was so bittersweet...

  • ((hugs)) I can't imagine how difficult moments like that must be for you.  
    11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS 
    10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks
    1/12/13 DD was born
    4/9/16 DS was born 
    9/17 CP 
    6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19 

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  • It is such a bittersweet moment, but enjoy the smiles!

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie - (B9PH)

     

    Lilypie - (0YVF)
     TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)

    BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d

    BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13

    BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks

    BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby 

  • Sorry :(  I feel like I can relate. In the beginning, when DS was a newborn I was so happy and so proud of every thing he did, but then it would be followed by sadness. I was and still am over joyed he's here, but it was at times a painful reminder of everything I missed with DD. ::hugs::
    ?DD 9/17/10 22wks I carry you in my heart.?
    bfp#2 2/14/11? cerclage placed at 13 weeks
    ?DS 9/29/11 36 wks 3 days 8lb 20 1/4" ?
    bfp#3 12/15/12 CP 12/27/12
    bfp#4 2/25/13
    beta#1 51 beta#2 163 beta#3 1,370
  • ((hugs))
    BFP#1 12/18/10 EDD 8/28/11 | 2/14/11 discovered that our baby girl had anencephaly D&C 2/17/11 at 12.5 weeks | no O or AF post loss - Dx: AO + mild PCOS = secondary infertility Provera after 70 days = AF but no O | Provera + 50mg Clomid after 110 days = AF but no O 3 rounds of 100mg Clomid + Estrogen + Progesterone = mixed O results, all BFN hysteroscopy 1/6/12 - removed fibroid tissue injection cycle #1 - 75 IU follistim + ovidrel (triggered 2/9/12) + endometrin = BFP! EDD 11/3/12 | Beta @ 13dpo = 184, 17dpo = 993, 26dpo = >5000 IT'S TWIN BOYS!! Tommy and Charlie arrived on 9/10/12 after less than 6 hours of labor at 32 weeks Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • *hugs*
    image

    imageimageimageTTC since 07/11 | natural m/c 08/11 | BFP 12/6/2011 | Elinor Anna born 8/18/2012 | BFP #2 1/16/2014
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  • I completely understand with me the girls look so much alike that it hurts to think Sydney would have looked just like Trinity and I missed all of that with Sydney. This journey we are on is just not fair at all.

    Hugs!! But I do understand loving the smiles it melts your heart doesn't it?

    Heather

    DS- Brenden born 11/13/93 Missed miscarriage on March 6, 2007 @ 9 weeks D&C on March 8th 2007. Riley Annalise born 2/25/08 ( 3 weeks early weighing 8 lbs 12.8 oz.) Chemical pregnancy 3/2010. Sydney Adriana born sleeping on 9/30/11 weighing 10lbs 3 oz at 38wks 4 days. Trinity Alivia born via c section at 36 wks 4 days weighing 9 lbs. 5.7 oz. She is our amazing rainbow baby!!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers PGAL buddy drvst8
  • ((hugs)) That has to be so bittersweet.

      Rylan 1/27/2011, 2:42 pm, 5lbs 12oz, 18.5 inches long
     Ayla 10/02/2013, 10:14 am, 6lbs 14oz, 19.25 inches long
    Missed Miscarriage 6w3d 3/02/2010
    I'll hold you in my heart until I hold you in heaven
    .

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  • ((hugs))
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  • Hugs I am sorry. Know Annabelle is there in spirit. Glad Miles is growing so quickly

    BFP: 01/08/11 EDD: 09/15/11 Natural MC: 02/03/11
    BFP: 02/14/12 EDD: 10/26/12 D&C: 03/09/12
    BFP: 04.05.12 EDD: 12.17.12 Born 11.18.12 Jackson Kane 6lbs 5ounces

    BFP: 06.08.13 EDD: 02.13.14 Baby Girl.. 2U2 Here we come

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  • Thanks everyone, I knew you would understand without it sounding like I wasn't absolutely thrilled about his first smiles ( which of course I am!).
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  • ((Hugs)) 
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP #1 6.19.11 ~ EDD 2.23.12 ~ CP on 6.22.11
    BFP #2 7.23.11 ~ EDD 3.28.12 ~ MC on 8.16.11
    BFP #3 11.17.11~ EDD 7.31.12 ~ MC on 1.18.12
    BFP #4 4.12.12 ~ EDD 12.25.12~ Born on 12.26.12
  • It's weird the things that trigger moments of sadness. When people comment on my girls' blue eyes it makes me sad because I never got to see what color Nathaniel's eyes were.

    Yay for first baby smiles!! They are SO cute!!
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