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Having a moment

jebretzjebretz member
in Late Term and Child Loss

Today it snowed a couple inches, so after being stuck at home all day I went out to shovel.  Well it must have been therapeutic because I did three driveways and a long stretch of sidewalk.  

The moment... Not only did I realize that I should be shoveling, I should  be laying down since I would be 24 weeks, but then I came in to find out that my husband probably wont be home from work until close to 11pm (super busy with a project). So I can't even be with him, and have him help me through it.  He doesnt even have time to talk on the phone about it!  

TTC since May 2011
Provera x3 late 2011, no natural response. (Previous BCP for 12 years).
 Dx PCOS April 2012. 
Clomid x 4 - no response.
First FSH/Ovidrel cycle early Aug 2012 - 18 days of injections, slow growth, erratic estrogen levels, triggered Aug 21st. 
BFP Sept 4th and Sept 7th! 
 7wk US Sept 28th - triplets! 
Perfect triplets lost at 20 weeks due to incompetent cervix. Allison Grace, James Alexander and Colin Gregory forever in our hearts!  
IVF #1 10/11/13 -  canceled before retrieval.  
IVF# 2 11/28/13 - retrieval on Turkey Day! Hyperstim - no transfer
FET #1 2/4/14 - miscarriage @ 9 weeks (Trisomy 6) 
FET #2 6/8/14 - healthy normal baby! Due date 2/25/15
     Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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Re: Having a moment

  • hhudson92hhudson92 member
    I'm sorry, I have those moments. My husband and I started talking the other day and we were talking about if I was going to go back to work. I got upset, saying "This is not how it was supposed to be! I was supposed to stay at home with our four babies, not talking about whether I will be going back to work or not." I wish we didn't have to be going through this, thinking these things.

    TTC since August 2011
    DX PCOS and annovulatory
    1/12 Clomid (3 rounds total and no response)
    DH SA = normal
    6/12 Femara (2 rounds)no response
    8/12 1st round Gonal F and 2 follies = BFN
    9/12 2nd round injects and 3 follies = BFP!
    10/15 11dpo beta#1 = 162 10/17 beta #2 = 471 1st U/S: Quads!!!
    1/13 Baby A ruptured membranes, our angels Jaxon, Jayse, Emersyn, and Ellee were born @ 17 weeks
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    5/13 Gonal F with 1 follie - BFP! EDD - 2/11/14

     

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  • jebretzjebretz member
    Ditto this exactly! I just told my husband in bed last night that one of the reasons I fear going back to work is because it is like admitting defeat. Its one more thing that makes it completely real that things have changed. 
    TTC since May 2011
    Provera x3 late 2011, no natural response. (Previous BCP for 12 years).
     Dx PCOS April 2012. 
    Clomid x 4 - no response.
    First FSH/Ovidrel cycle early Aug 2012 - 18 days of injections, slow growth, erratic estrogen levels, triggered Aug 21st. 
    BFP Sept 4th and Sept 7th! 
     7wk US Sept 28th - triplets! 
    Perfect triplets lost at 20 weeks due to incompetent cervix. Allison Grace, James Alexander and Colin Gregory forever in our hearts!  
    IVF #1 10/11/13 -  canceled before retrieval.  
    IVF# 2 11/28/13 - retrieval on Turkey Day! Hyperstim - no transfer
    FET #1 2/4/14 - miscarriage @ 9 weeks (Trisomy 6) 
    FET #2 6/8/14 - healthy normal baby! Due date 2/25/15
         Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Report Reply
  • HullGutHullGut member

    I have those moments all the time, they are so hard. I do feel Hunter with me a lot but its not what it should have been.

    I was so nervous to go back to work after 8 weeks. I was supposed to be home for 6 months. For me the second week back was the hardest, I think because it made it all so real. I was a mess, I came home and fell apart. It's so hard going on and accepting reality.

    im sorry you had one of those moments today. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial ticker
    Due with baby boy # 2 in May 2016
    DD #1 born January 2014

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