UO Thursday

Jen0204 · January 2013

Birth plans aren't my style, but I don't think it's ridiculous. I think it can be good for a woman to think through birth, make decisions about how they would like it to go (ie, meds or not, etc.) and discuss that with their doctor. What's ridiculous is not understanding that a plan is just a plan, and not being okay with things not going according to plan.

And I did have very specific instructions for H as far as how I wanted things to go. Mine was a planned c-section and I told him that no matter what happened to me his job was to stay with the babies as much as they would allow him. Once they took the babies out of the OR I wanted him to go with them. It was lonely for me and I wish he was able to stay with me, but that was more important. That was the extent of my birth plan, and H appreciated that we discussed it beforehand and he knew where to go and didn't feel torn.

HattieLove · January 2013

Jen0204:
Birth plans aren't my style, but I don't think it's ridiculous. I think it can be good for a woman to think through birth, make decisions about how they would like it to go (ie, meds or not, etc.) and discuss that with their doctor. What's ridiculous is not understanding that a plan is just a plan, and not being okay with things not going according to plan.
And I did have very specific instructions for H as far as how I wanted things to go. Mine was a planned c-section and I told him that no matter what happened to me his job was to stay with the babies as much as they would allow him. Once they took the babies out of the OR I wanted him to go with them. It was lonely for me and I wish he was able to stay with me, but that was more important. That was the extent of my birth plan, and H appreciated that we discussed it beforehand and he knew where to go and didn't feel torn.

This. I found it helpful to research birth plans when I was pregnant just because it presented some things I hadn't thought about.

NatnDyl · January 2013

HattieLove:
Jen0204:

Birth plans aren't my style, but I don't think it's ridiculous. I think it can be good for a woman to think through birth, make decisions about how they would like it to go (ie, meds or not, etc.) and discuss that with their doctor. What's ridiculous is not understanding that a plan is just a plan, and not being okay with things not going according to plan.

And I did have very specific instructions for H as far as how I wanted things to go. Mine was a planned c-section and I told him that no matter what happened to me his job was to stay with the babies as much as they would allow him. Once they took the babies out of the OR I wanted him to go with them. It was lonely for me and I wish he was able to stay with me, but that was more important. That was the extent of my birth plan, and H appreciated that we discussed it beforehand and he knew where to go and didn't feel torn.

This. I found it helpful to research birth plans when I was pregnant just because it presented some things I hadn't thought about.

Yeah, this. I didn't write a plan. I read some books and educated myself to an extent. I foolishly skipped the chapter on c-sections and am glad I didn't have one because I would have been unprepared. I was most concerned with delivering a healthy baby and didn't worry to much about how he got out.

nattyk · January 2013

Jen0204:
Birth plans aren't my style, but I don't think it's ridiculous. I think it can be good for a woman to think through birth, make decisions about how they would like it to go (ie, meds or not, etc.) and discuss that with their doctor. What's ridiculous is not understanding that a plan is just a plan, and not being okay with things not going according to plan.
And I did have very specific instructions for H as far as how I wanted things to go. Mine was a planned c-section and I told him that no matter what happened to me his job was to stay with the babies as much as they would allow him. Once they took the babies out of the OR I wanted him to go with them. It was lonely for me and I wish he was able to stay with me, but that was more important. That was the extent of my birth plan, and H appreciated that we discussed it beforehand and he knew where to go and didn't feel torn.

I 100% agree. I didnt do a birth plan because it didnt really matter that much to me how he got here, as long as he was healthy. I told DH early in my pregnancy that I didnt care what happened, and that his only job was to remember "EPIDURAL!" lol.

Then, when I had the c section, I just made sure that he was with DS at all times. If DS left the room, then DH did too. I was so worried that he would be switched out with another baby. Silly in hindsight, since he was 9 lbs 13 oz. He was the biggest baby in the nursery by far!

pinkshades05 · January 2013

I think birth plans are really helpful. It gives the parents a chance to research and make decisions when their minds are clear and not in labor mode. Of course birth plans can always change and need to flexible, but I would rather be the mom with a birth plan than a mom who came in clueless and didn't know what anything.

When it comes to home births there are some misconceptions. The mom and baby are in little danger and with a midwife, she is ready for any emergency. Midwives make sure that the mom is healthy to avoid high risk situations, go through practice home births with their patients so they know what will happen, and they have policies about when to take the mom to the hospital. It's silly to be against them. If its not you cup of tea, then fine. But don't make that decision for everyone else.

Jen0204 · January 2013

Lol, I was wondering how long it would take someone to jump on that. I think a couple of women on here had home births.

I don't see any issues with them providing them have qualified people there to assist with it, and it would be nice if they lived relatively close to a hospital just in case there was a serious complication. But really, what's the difference between giving birth in a birthing center with qualified staff and giving birth at home with a qualified staff?

Everything about births is so situation specific. I was pregnant with twins who were breech and had to be delivered at 36 weeks - obviously a home birth wouldn't have been safe. Starbuck had one baby, didn't have complications that caused her to have to deliver early, and (I'm assuming) had qualified medical professionals to help her. I know nothing at all about home births but I have to assume that anyone who chooses one does their due diligence and asks "so what happens if something goes wrong?" and is satisfied with the answer.

Shmogan09 · January 2013

pinkshades05:I think birth plans are really helpful. It gives the parents a chance to research and make decisions when their minds are clear and not in labor mode. Of course birth plans can always change and need to flexible, but I would rather be the mom with a birth plan than a mom who came in clueless and didn't know what anything.

I agree with this. I had a very simple birth plan and the nurses were actually happy about it. They said things like "I don't want to be offered an epidural... I don't want an episiotomy... send my H with the baby if something goes wrong..." are helpful for them to know. I had a disclaimer over the entire thing saying "this is all if everything goes well. If anything is medically necessary I trust you completely". I know it is rare (and some may hate me for saying this) but both of my boys births did go exactly as planned.

btartaroind:
This is not an UO. But just an angry opinion. I really can't stand when people act like they know more than you about something when they haven't gone through it or just started going through it themselves and you have BTDT. Examples:

1) A friend who just got the same job as me 2 months ago. I am going on year 5. She tries to tell me how to do things and acts like she knows it all. Um no. There's barely any training on this job and it's a learn as you go type thing. You def don't know it all.

2) People who are newly pregnant with their first and try to tell you what pregnancy is like. I love sharing stories about how different and similar pregnancies can be, but yes, I know what a baby looks like on an ultrasound, you don't have to tell me that it looks so cool and I will be amazed.

I hate this too. I have a friend who is pregnant and she acts like she knows more than me about raising kids because she worked in a preschool. UM no!

My UO should be that sometimes I have a hard time on this board not saying "oh you will see!" When people on here get judgey about things such as leashes or yelling at your kids (rarely, but it happens) I have to walk away from the computer to not say something to that effect! You never know what kind of kid you will have and I get PISSED when I hear people say "never". If any of you make it to 18 without yelling at your child I will pay you a million dollars.

(and I don't mean about serious issues like spanking).

mkarns · January 2013

Sept07b2b:
RNmamma's UO reminded me of one of mine - I don't think home births should be legal.

I've always felt strongly that patients have the right to guide their own medical care, and I am totally fine with women choosing to have med free births and choose to have as little medical intervention as is medically appropriate, but I've always felt like home births not only put the mother at risk, but put the baby at risk, and I feel like it's an unnecessary risk given the wonderful medicine we have today.

So many mothers and babies used to die in childbirth. While I guess it's fine for an adult woman to take this risk with her own health, I don't believe it's appropriate to put the unborn child at such risk.

Really? I think the government mandates enough. They definitely don't need to be telling us where and how we can give birth to our own children. Also...In case of an accidental home birth...Would you charge those women with breaking the law? Totally unrealistic.

MollySm · January 2013

pinkshades05:
I think birth plans are really helpful. It gives the parents a chance to research and make decisions when their minds are clear and not in labor mode. Of course birth plans can always change and need to flexible, but I would rather be the mom with a birth plan than a mom who came in clueless and didn't know what anything.

When it comes to home births there are some misconceptions. The mom and baby are in little danger and with a midwife, she is ready for any emergency. Midwives make sure that the mom is healthy to avoid high risk situations, go through practice home births with their patients so they know what will happen, and they have policies about when to take the mom to the hospital. It's silly to be against them. If its not you cup of tea, then fine. But don't make that decision for everyone else.

I don't think birth plans give parents a chance to research and make decisions. I think pregnancy gives parents a chance to research and make decisions. I think birth plans are kind of silly. I don't care if others have them but they are NMS. That's a totally different thing from going into birth uninformed.

jmccall79 · January 2013

MollySm:
I don't think birth plans give parents a chance to research and make decisions. I think pregnancy gives parents a chance to research and make decisions. I think birth plans are kind of silly. I don't care if others have them but they are NMS. That's a totally different thing from going into birth uninformed.

i agree with this 100 percent! I didn't have a birth "plan"...never even crossed my mind to actually write something out. However, I went into it very informed!

pinkshades05 · January 2013

MollySm:
I don't think birth plans give parents a chance to research and make decisions. I think pregnancy gives parents a chance to research and make decisions. I think birth plans are kind of silly. I don't care if others have them but they are NMS. That's a totally different thing from going into birth uninformed.

I was really responding to the idea that birth plans are pointless, but I stand by my statement above. Each person values and expects something different in their birthing experience. Birth plans give that opportunity to write that down. Some of the fill in the blank plans ask you questions that maybe you didn't realize you would have to answer at some point. And in the whirlwind that deliveries are its a good thing to have on hand! I'm not saying that if you don't have a birth plan then you are ignorant or stupid. Not at all! But if I had to pick between too extremes: being too decisive or not having a clue going into labor, I would pick the first.

I didn't have a written birth plan but I did have ideas that I addressed with my midwife. Our birth center also gave me a lot of control over what I wanted. I really enjoyed that!

MollySm · January 2013

pinkshades05:
MollySm:
I don't think birth plans give parents a chance to research and make decisions. I think pregnancy gives parents a chance to research and make decisions. I think birth plans are kind of silly. I don't care if others have them but they are NMS. That's a totally different thing from going into birth uninformed.
I was really responding to the idea that birth plans are pointless, but I stand by my statement above. Each person values and expects something different in their birthing experience. Birth plans give that opportunity to write that down. Some of the fill in the blank plans ask you questions that maybe you didn't realize you would have to answer at some point. And in the whirlwind that deliveries are its a good thing to have on hand! I'm not saying that if you don't have a birth plan then you are ignorant or stupid. Not at all! But if I had to pick between too extremes: being too decisive or not having a clue going into labor, I would pick the first. I didn't have a written birth plan but I did have ideas that I addressed with my midwife. Our birth center also gave me a lot of control over what I wanted. I really enjoyed that!

Hope it didn't sound like I was attacking you! I just thought there was a 3rd option that was left out of the discussion

And as for the bold, luckily we don't have to pick between extremes!

jja0812 · January 2013

I did not have a written birth plan, but I felt that my OB was very receptive to everything I told her in the weeks/months leading up to my delivery and I didn't feel that it was necessary for me. I know that my L&D nurses weren't privy to those discussions, but they were great as well. My husband actually overheard my OB going over everything with them out in the hallway ("do not offer epidural", etc.). I was very happy that she took it all that seriously.

That said, if I had not been 100% confident that my doctor would abide by my wishes (to the fullest extent possible), or if I thought she might forget, or for any other reason felt it necessary, I would have written a birth plan. I can't wrap my head around the idea that I shouldn't get to express my wishes just because I've never done it before. I've never been to France before, but I can research the heck out of a Parisian vacation, book my hotel, and jot up an itinerary. Sure, when I get off the plane things could go awry and I might not get the trip I was hoping for... but does that mean I should just go into the whole thing without a single idea of what I want? Ridiculous!

If you had said, "a woman (not just FTM, but ANY woman) who has a birth plan that she absolutely refuses to budge from, to the point that her health and/or her child's health is at risk...", then I would have understood and even agreed. Instead, it sounds like YOU are the one refusing to budge and would rather everyone have a cookie cutter experience to make things easier for you.

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