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Parenting
Complaining about my kids and guilt
This morning DS1 was driving me nuts. He just wasn't listening, as usual. I walked into my closet and thought to myself "AHH! That kid is driving me freaking crazy today!" Everytime I have a thought like that (and they are often b/c little kids are frustrating) I immediately think "I shouldn't think that. I'm so lucky to have them. They are alive and healthy."
This idea isn't lost on me and I don't know why I feel the need to say that to myself everytime I think something remotely negative about my kids.
I remember when I first had DS1 and he wasn't sleeping and I was so frustrated. Then I saw a story on Oprah and this single woman had twin girls who were both blind, deaf and mute. I remember thinking that I had no right to complain b/c I was so blessed.
I fully realize that other people's hardships don't negate mine and just b/c others suffer doesn't mean I can't ever be irritated. I'm just wondering if other people feel this tug?
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Re: Complaining about my kids and guilt
I think everyone's allowed to get down or get frustrated once in a while. We wouldn't be human if we didn't.
My husband is the guilt police in our house. Anytime I vent about something, he has to spring in and remind me of how lucky we are and how much worse so many other people have things. Sometimes I just want to vent without him going all Tony Robbins on me, ya know?
ETA: Obviously, I TOTALLY get how blessed we are as a family, and I am generally a very grateful person. I don't vent often or complain about things without trying to fix them. (I realize the above comment makes me sound like a whiner, but that's really not the case).
I definitely feel guilty when I get frustrated and I do try to remind myself that other people have it way worse than me. I have 3 healthy children, but the fact of the matter is parenting is hard and we all lose our cool sometimes.
Also, I've reserved myself to the fact that parenting is a life long guilt trip. It NEVER ends!!!!
I feel like that ALL the time.
DS has had pretty much every sleep issue you can think of, and I'll whine about it, and then read an article or blog by someone whose child has major health problems, and I'll feel guilty for whining. Actually, sometimes I think it's good for me to give myself a chance to put my "problems" in perspective.
I hear you on the anxiety. I think mine probably plays into this too. I am perpetually expecting the worst and waiting for the bottom to fall out. It's exhausting.
I feel like that often. I am a single mom, I work a lot and there are times I have these pity parties when he is up all night and I struggle at work, or I just want to pee and can't get away to even go to the bathroom alone!
Every time I feel like that, it seems that I am made aware of something worse, so then I feel bad that I was having the pity party in the first place.
I also try not to let myself get bothered by the "My DH is out of town for two nights, I'm a single mom" posts, because again, I don't know what kind of life they lead, and if all of sudden I had to do what I do when it wasn't my norm, it might freak me out too, but I get my panties in a bunch sometimes when I see those posts.
So that is a long rambling post for basically yes, I totally get where you are coming from!
I think I say this at least once a week!
My mom once said to me that she didn't worry about being a good mom because she knew she was. I jokingly said well what about when you did this, or said that, or...and she cut me off by saying basically that she didn't worry about whether we felt happy at a certain moment, or if she told us when we were making her lose her mind. Or if there were times when she wasn't the best mother. She said she never stopped trying to be the best parent even on the days when she didn't want to be a parent, and thats why she didn't worry about feeling guilty or being a good mom. She was/is a terrific mother.
She said being a mother who never gave up was because she was grateful to have us, because parenting can be so unsatisfying sometimes. I try to remember this, but still can't help thinking I need to be better at this gig.
I really like that. I think that's a great perspective to have. Even when they make me angry, I still love them and still try to be a good mother to them.
I always think that as long as the decisions we made for them were honestly made out of love for them, then I can't feel too bad about the job we've done.
Yes everyday.
And then sometimes I think what I have said or done to them has pretty much ruined them for life. Like when I look at DD at lunch and she bursts into tears because on my face I am showing disapproval of her eating sandwiches from the inside out-which with tuna and soybutter&jam is really gross.
Guilt is the only constant.
Those are healthy, productive thoughts when they help you to put your situation in perspective and allow you to have a bit more patience with your kids. They're not helpful if they just make you feel guilty, though.
Show me a mother who claims she's never been frustrated by her perfectly healthy kids, and I'll show you a liar!