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April 2012 Moms
hooliface
member
Dont know what to do, need opinions?
hooliface
member
Long story short (as possible) I am considering having another LO. I am 100% ready to have another and DH is not so sure. Here are the reasons for and against it, I am really weighing the decision and need some advice.
We recently found out my sister has breast cancer and it was estrogen and progestrone fed/based. She unlike me did not have any fertility issues. I ended up doing 16 cycles to get DD #2 which was a success with DE cycle #1. 15 my own eggs and 1 with DE, I took TONS of infertility meds and then had PPD with her, mostly because I worked myself up about bonding with her and loving her as much as DD #1, which was SO silly when looking at it now. I am MADLY in love with her....My April miracle!!!
Needless to say she has become the light of my life and I consider myself beyond lucky to have her and DD#1 who is with my own eggies. I DO NOT want to have regrets later in life about not having another LO.
Here is the issue: I have a lump that we are "watching" and I am having surgery next week to remove it/test it, which was my suggestion. After my sister was diagnosed I was SO worried about my lump that I asked my Dr to just remove and test it.
DH is concerned that I will have problems in the future with breast cancer or something else because I took so many drugs to get pregnant. And also that I had pretty bad PPD with my last DD.
I told him that my Dr said that there is no connection to having cancer and infertility meds and that I know now after DD #2 that I can "bond" with another DE baby. I just feel so sad about this and hope that I have no regrets later in life if I dont have another.
We know that DE would be our only option to have another LO and I am so okay with that. My question is what would you do? Would you have another one knowing family history of Breast cancer?
I should mention that I took the BRAC test and was negative and my sister was also negative.....
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Dont know what to do, need opinions?
Let me first off start by saying, I am a breast cancer survivor with 4 kids (1 before diagnosis and 3 after treatment).
Your sister having breast cancer does increase your risk (somewhat) of getting breast cancer in the future, but not really much more than the average woman out there. Especially with you both have BRAC testing and that coming back genetic negative. Therefore, there is no genetic (family link) reason for the breast cancer. Unfortunately, like myself your sister drew the short stick.
I was lucky that my breast cancer was not ER+ or PR+, I was triple negative. So it ment that getting pregnant would not increase my chances of getting breast cancer again, but triple negative does have the highest reoccurence rate in breast cancer.
When my DH and I started talking about getting pregnant again, it was a very serious conversation. We both knew we wanted more children, but we each individually had to decide what we were comfortable with. I asked him to seriously consider how he felt about having to raise 2 children by himself. Not that I wanted that to happen, but we had to face mortality a little more than most couples. I had to decide did I want more children knowing I "might" not get to watch them fully grow up, get married, have their own children, etc. I wanted to make sure that my DH was completely onboard because I felt like this burden was on his shoulders more than on mine. While I never (nor did my DH) felt like I was going to die from cancer, it was just another bump on the road, it is still part of our past that we will never forget.
Obivously since we have 4 kids we decided that the joy of our children and living in the now was more important to us. But with each child it was a decision for each of us individually and then as a couple.
If you are currently healthy than you cannot live you life with what ifs. That being said it is very important that both of you are on the same page about having another baby.
I know you want another one, but can you wait a little longer? Even thought you struggled with getting pregnant. Maybe your husband will feel differently or maybe you will.
I would also guess that the cancer is not the real reason for not wanting to have another baby. Your husband may not even know why he just doesn't at this time. I can't imagine the stress of going through fertility treatments. I had a difficult time getting pregnant and that was stressful as it is without treatment.