This 3 year old is going to be the death of me...

sophiet496 · January 2013

My DS has always been spirited. But the past few weeks ave almost pushed me over the edge. He has two parents and extended family that love him. He has a nice home, a lovely preschool, stimulating toys and books. I cannot figure out what is wrong or what we've done wrong here. All I know is I'm hanging on by a thin rope.

He is generally mean all day long. He's mean to us and to my mom and to our dogs. He hits, kicks, pushes, and says mean things. He also just will not listen to a word we say. If I ask him to go around the mud puddle, he jumps in it. If I ask him to help me pick up toys, he dumps another bucket out. If I ask him to get in the car, he runs away.

weve tried time outs and taking trucks away...they're his favorite thing. We try catching him being good. It feels like nothing works. My husband and I are worn out and feeling like failures. It's awful when you dread a long weekend because you know it's just going to be one long ugly battle.

i just want to love and enjoy my child. Is this a phase? What am I missing? Thanks for listening

JoannaR1381 · January 2013

I don't have much advice but wanted to send you a hug. Have you mentioned this to your doctor? Maybe there is something going on that you DS can't tell you about.

PunkyBooster · January 2013

He just turned 3, right?

Most 3 year olds I know are downright horrid the first half of their 3rd year. Have you thought about getting him involved in an extracurricular activity to help him burn some energy? Swim? Little Gym? Rec center sports classes? I think soccer and karate here starts at 3.

I also wondered if you follow up with verbal consequences. I have just discovered my DS needs this. "Son, if you hit the dog again, you will not pet her anymore." and stick with it. "DS if you do not pick up these toys, then they are going into a time out. " and mean it- pack them up in a box and put them away in plain view of him. Let him scream, he needs to understand you mean what you say and you will follow up with an action if he chooses to not listen to you.

How is he at preschool?

I also think tantrums should be handled carefully. Ignoring them isn't easy, but sometimes it works. I have also said, "Do we need to have a time out, sit down, and collect our thoughts for a moment?" Granted, my DS is a year younger, but he will say yes and we sit down on the floor and take a few deep breaths and he gets right over it.

Hang in there. 3 is really hard- their brains go through a lot of changes at this age and it does really affect not only the way they behave but our roles as parents too.

*hug*

TMDMJAOCT07 · January 2013

I don't have any words of advice, just wanted to send hugs. I'm right there with you. My dd went from sweet, funny, wonderful, and I loved spending every second with her. To tossing a sweet tantrum at me every morning before we've even had breakfast. This week she had a box filled of toys taken away for throwing them at DH and I. On top of the countless time-outs, being sent to her room (which now apparently she thinks is funny).

And, she's not quite 3, she will be in 2 weeks. I remember thinking this about this time last year that 2 was going to be brutal and it was for a few months but then it was wonderful, fun, and filled with awesome adventures. I'm hoping that 3 is the same way!

What does help here is that its so cold and its been really windy, so even if we bundle up to go run around the block there is still a bone chilling cold to the air no matter how many layers we put on. So burning energy outside isn't an option, which is something she loves to do.

Sending you some hugs. I've been told this is a phase, however rough it may be!

sophiet496 · January 2013

Thanks ladies. For your advice and the hugs! He does great at preschool, so far. I worry a little because my DH and I used to get the brunt of the bad behavior. But now it seems to be leaking into other areas, like my mom and his other babysitter. I think we will start him up with soccer this spring...maybe that will help get some of his frustrations out. It's so cold here in Maine now and he is such an outside boy...I'm sure that's contributing, too. We get outside when we can but its nowhere near the hours we put in when its warmer. I guess I will continue trying to be as patient and consistent as I can. Day by day, right? I really like the advice to just do the best I can. I think I may check out the love and logic book, too.

mittensonkittens · January 2013

3 is a hard age. With my son, a lot of discipline problems seemed tied to control. He wanted to make decisions and be responsible for things. Do you give him some choices about what to wear, what to eat, what order to do some things? Do you give him jobs to do to help? I don't know if it would help with your LO, but it's the only suggestion that comes to mind. Good luck!

bellybaby · January 2013

Same here...Some days my daughter is a sweet loving girl, other days I want to volunteer myself for overtime at work LOL Everytime I call my mom (mother of 4) she says its normal behavior and hang in there. I dread this cold weather because she is stuck inside with this pent up energy and will act wild. I'm sure this is a phase and I promise I feel your pain!!!

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