really, how weird am i?

Katherine · December 2008

I don't like to do things without my dd. If she's not invited to things like holiday parties and baby showers i'd prefer not to go myself and if it's not being put on by someone close I just won't go. Is that really so odd? Don't get me wrong, I don't pout about it or make a big deal, I just like to include her in most things that I do. I don't require "me" time or alone time with my DH because he is the same as me. People seriously think we are bizzare. Is it absolutely terrible to be extremely family oriented if it totally works for us?

katie277s · December 2008

It's not my style to not have ANY time to myself, but if it makes you happy, then that is all that matters.

rach&jay · December 2008

If it works for you and your family then that's great. I don't think its necessarily weird. I do like some adult time though, but I don't take it much.

EXL311 · December 2008

That's just how my husband and I are too. We're really more family focused and end up spending a lot of time together as a family. I don't think it's bizarre and not a problem if you're happy.

gracendantho26 · December 2008

To each their own. But I will say that I am extremely family oriented and can still appreciate an adult only function or date with my DH. The two are not mutually exclusive.

camrude · December 2008

Like the pp's - if it works for you, that's fine and I don't think it's weird at all. However, for me having "me" time is a must to keep sane.

Katherine · December 2008

ok, so it's not exteremely bizzare or unheard of? seriously many of the people that i know irl don't get it and it is starting to wear on me a lot.

DandR · December 2008

ditto grace---we love doing stuff as a family and often have family date nights, but I also need DH and My date nights without the kids. I think its good for the kids to see us going out by ourselves without them. We have great care for them...grandparents most of the time....nanny the rest of the time, so I don't worry about them at all (mostly....my IL's scare me)

pookie2005 · December 2008

No, but I personally enjoy date nights and time away every once in a while. I will leave Gracie home with Daddy if there's a party that won't have any kids. I enjoy the time alone!

jaredswife · December 2008

I dont think it is terrible to be family oriented at all.

But, for the sake of your marriage alone time with your DH is very important. You probably dont think your marriage suffers but I bet it does in some ways. People dont really think of that until their kids grow up an dmove out then they realize that their relationship with their spouse has been set aside for the kids. Your relationship with your DH should be the most important then your DD.

So, even though you really enjoy being with her all the time, I think you should take time to yourself and time alone with your DH regularly.

G_Hoping · December 2008

If you are constantly turning down friends because your daughter isn't included when your DH is available to watch her...then yes thats bizzare and your friends wonder why you can't take a few hours off to hang with them, because you were at one point your own person and weren't dependent on your daughter to have a good time. (If this paragraph relates to your situation...you seriously need to start getting out a little more without your daughter).

I have a friend...who no longer does anything because she has a kid...its annoying to say the least.

sweetie1528 · December 2008

we are like that too. we get a ton of comments from mil.

jessicaclare · December 2008

gracendantho26:
To each their own. But I will say that I am extremely family oriented and can still appreciate an adult only function or date with my DH. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Ditto

Katherine · December 2008

DH and i are alone when she's sleeping. we weren't really go out kinda people before she came along and i don't see us as changing anytme soon into that. we thouroughly enjoy being with eachother after she goes to bed and at naptime on the weekends, and she gives us our space throughout the day as well sometimes so i don't think we are suffering there.

DevonPow · December 2008

I guess I'll be the only one to say that if you never do ANYTHING without DC then yes, it is a little weird IMO. But, to each their own and whatever works for your family is what is important.

I also agree that "family oriented" and not doing everything with DC are not mutually exclusive concepts. My marriage is healthier by having vacations or date nights without DS, and my sanity is helped by having some "me" time as well - both of which make us a happier, and better family.

veloelle · December 2008

Ditto Grace and some of G_hoping. If you refuse any function that does not allow kids, then I do think that is a little odd, honestly. I don't know any parent IRL w/ kids that refuses social events that are adult only. My parents always did one or two weekends a year away while we were w/ grandma and they'd occasionally go to dinner alone. I think time completely away from your child is totally different than hanging out w them still in the house.

But, if you guys are happy and it works, it doesn't matter what others think.

Katherine · December 2008

we don't refuse adult only events or events that are held after an acceptable toddler time to be out - but we would prefer not to have to go. we've left her with my mother and my brother to go out and do things with friends and coworkers. I just seem to notice that we both dread going and last time we were out it was DH who was itching to get home. and i can safely say that we'll never vacation without her - that is definately not our style.

A-baybride · December 2008

If you and YH are happy, then I don't see anything wrong with it. I personally prefer to go to dinner with friends, holiday parties and baby showers without DD, even if she's invited. She's quite active and I spend the whole time chasing after her and never have a chance to hold a conversation with anyone, get anything to eat or drink or even just sit down for a moment... I'm freakin' exhausted by the time it's over and don't particularly enjoy myself.

Zenya · December 2008

I wouldn't want to vacation (with DH) without DS for the forseeable future. But I LOVE to go away by myself with friends. And I love to go out at night with friends (maybe 1x month though - not often).

So for me - I need time away from my family more than DH and I need time as a couple away from DS. But we need that too and definitely enjoy it!

I wouldn't say you're weird but I just don't get it I guess. Whatever makes you happy!

Katherine · December 2008

maybe it's the trouble i had to have her, maybe its the losses we've had since. whatever my reason i don't get the obnoxious remarks from not so close family members. i am just having a particularly craptastic day. if it doesn't work for some people the way it works for us who am i to judge? i leave other peoples choices up to them and i may not understand why they want to leave their kids all the time but that is their buisness not mine. why can't they do the same for us.

Jodi&Joe · December 2008

(((HUGS))) babe! Sounds like you had a specific incident happen that prompted this. Part of me is envious of someone like you --- to be SO in love with your child(ren) that you want to be with them all the time. I certainly canNOT say that about myself. I find joy in them, don't get me wrong, but nearly as much as I THINK I should.

At any rate, I do think you could lose friends if you are declining invites because your child is not invited. Aside from that, if you want to hang with your kid 24/7, go for it. I'll be at Drunkfest 09 without my kids though! hee,hee!

Katherine:
maybe it's the trouble i had to have her, maybe its the losses we've had since. whatever my reason i don't get the obnoxious remarks from not so close family members. i am just having a particularly craptastic day. if it doesn't work for some people the way it works for us who am i to judge? i leave other peoples choices up to them and i may not understand why they want to leave their kids all the time but that is their buisness not mine. why can't they do the same for us.

Jodi&Joe · December 2008

(((HUGS))) babe! Sounds like you had a specific incident happen that prompted this. Part of me is envious of someone like you --- to be SO in love with your child(ren) that you want to be with them all the time. I certainly canNOT say that about myself. I find joy in them, don't get me wrong, but nearly as much as I THINK I should.

At any rate, I do think you could lose friends if you are declining invites because your child is not invited. Aside from that, if you want to hang with your kid 24/7, go for it. I'll be at Drunkfest 09 without my kids though! hee,hee!

Katherine:
maybe it's the trouble i had to have her, maybe its the losses we've had since. whatever my reason i don't get the obnoxious remarks from not so close family members. i am just having a particularly craptastic day. if it doesn't work for some people the way it works for us who am i to judge? i leave other peoples choices up to them and i may not understand why they want to leave their kids all the time but that is their buisness not mine. why can't they do the same for us.

Katherine · December 2008

thanks jodi. i am having a VERY crappy day so far. and no i am not losing any friends - my kind of friends don't get together and do things after hours often. i've gone out with friends without Alyssa - it's just not my style to do it often - but it never was.

Zenya · December 2008

Katherine:
it's just not my style to do it often - but it never was.

i think this is key. DH and I were huge partiers (me more than him) so I cling desperately to that part of my life bc my best friends are still there and I love them/miss them.

Katherine · December 2008

thanks Zenya. I really think we wouldn't go out any more without having her in our lives as we do now. I don't know why this is upsetting me as much as it is.

sprky79 · December 2008

Katherine, can I ask what kind of friend you think you're being to the person in your life that may just need a cup of coffee w/a friend without the friend's attention being constantly distracted by the toddler running around? When you "dread going to things" because ohmygosh you actually have to have a life outside of your child, don't you think that you may come across as exciting as a wet rag?

Look, I understand that you are absolutely enamored by that little girl. And by all means, she is beautiful. But, can I ask what kind of marriage you two are even going to have left when she turns 18 and moves off to college? What kind of friends are you going to have in your life when they couldn't count on your presence now? You need to learn how to be a part of society all the while still being a parent.

Nobody is faulting your feeling that you'd rather be with your kids. BUT, you really need to learn how to take joy out of things unrelated to your children. Because eventually, she'll be off on her own, and believe me, she's not going to want all this togetherness :-)

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