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Adoption
Hubby's emotions
So I'm a bit of a Type A. I have to get prepared for this baby. I somehow to convinced my husband to go to the baby superstore in our town today. We just got a few basic things and while I was happy to get some more things for our baby, it made my husband a little upset.
Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you get on the same page to be prepared for the little one that will soon to be here? What should I do? There's got to be a middle ground from having everything to running in a hurry to the store when we get the call.
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Re: Hubby's emotions
Neither my partner or I are planning to shop before the child comes- with one exception. When we have a match we will get a car seat. Otherwise? My parents have an emergency registry and a chunk of money from us. They're instructed that once the TPR is signed to go purchase everything on the registry.
Until that moment though? We're not acknowledging it as a real and true thing.
A few thoughts:
-it sounds like you're approaching this from different places. You want to be as prepared as possible, he wants to guard his heart against any possibility of either sadness seeing stuff just sitting around, or having stuff for a match that may fall through. Neither approach is wrong. But I would strongly encourage you talking to him about why specifically he's upset, and address that particular issue
-in that vein, now may be the time to strategize how you're going to approach this together. Maybe you decide that you're going to get a certain number/type of things and leave the rest for later. For example, we got what we called the Big 4: stroller, car seat, crib, and Pack n Play. And we slowly started getting a few clothes and cloth diapers here and there. The only time we started to get more was when we had a couple of almost-matches, and DH suggested I start shopping online (yay) because it looked like a match was imminent. We got The Call about DD the next day
-Also realize that you can run in a hurry to the store! Plenty of adoptive parents have spent their first night with their child (or their last night childless) buying out Target or Walmart! You can do it. We had a handful of clothes, etc. for DD, but DH still went out the night she came home and bought everything that said newborn on it. Oh, and a crib mattress, LOL
-If the issue is that he doesn't want to see stuff sitting around, see if you can store it somewhere--a basement, a friend/family member's house. That may take the edge off
GL! You'll figure it out, but communication is key.
My DH was like that for a long time. But, we've been waiting nine months now, and he seems to have shifted his thinking. This weekend he declared that he felt that starting to order more stuff for the nursery (crib, dresser, glider, etc.) would actually be a positive step for him--a concrete statement that we believe this is going to happen for us.
What I had done up until this point was to set up hidden registries, do lots of research, and obsessively pin things to Pinterest. It's important to take his feelings into account, too, so if he doesn't want to shop, just do it on your computer until he's ready. Good luck!