Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
honeydew01
member
Re: Question in regards to breastfeeding
For your actual question- I can't really give you a answer because I never read that book. BUT as far as you being confused about conflicting information with what you read.....go with your gut! I wish someone would have told me that! I always tried to do what the nurses were showing me in the hospital or what I was reading. This didn't work most of the time. Then I started following my instincts after the first month or so when things weren't working and the found out about AP and realized a lot of the principals worked for my family.
My biggest take away- follow your intuition and instincts!
There is no book in the world that is as good as your mommy instincts. You will know what is right when you have your LO in your arms.
The best "advice" I've gotten is from a friend who has a LO a year older than mine. She said that there is no bad habit that cannot be broken later if need be. I have no problems with babying a baby. Your LO will go through so many phases and stages throughout the early years. Your instincts will tell you what to do.
Adults have sleep associations too. There are things we must do in order to fall asleep, even little insignificant things we don't notice anymore, like one last trip to the bathroom, a chapter of a book, or the covers being at a certain angle tucked under our chins.
It is necessary to have sleep associations, but what SPECIFIC association your baby has is sort of up to you. It is not bad for a baby to associate nursing with sleep. My son has a strong nurse to sleep association. It won't mess up their sleep later in life, but some parents do find it inconvenient and do want their children to develop alternative sleep associations that are less demanding on mom.
So do all babies need sleep associations of some sort? Yes. Is the nurse to sleep association bad? No, but it is ok if you prefer to create a different set of sleep associations for your child.
FWIW, I find the nurse to sleep association made for better sleep for me, since I bedshare.
This 100%. Your instincts are always bang on.
It's just too bad that we don't learn that until after the fact!
My first had a complete nurse-to-sleep association. She fell asleep without nursing, sitting in her swing, or riding in the car exactly four times before her 2nd birthday. By her 3rd birthday, she would nurse for a little while, then I would end the nursing session and then she would fall asleep. Now, she occasionally asks to nurse, but I consider the association to be broken. It all worked out just fine.
My second, on the other hand, is a totally different nurser and sleeper. She has learned to nurse to sleep, but there are lots and lots of other ways to get her to sleep...My main concern regarding breastfeeding with her is that she is going to self-wean way before I am ready!
Anyway, my point is that every kid is different...I would just go with what works...
Ditto what PPs said. Go with your instincts. I read the NCSS, and think it's a great book, but those first 3 months are all about trying to survive. I had to nurse LO to sleep up until recently (he's 12 months). I don't regret it. It's a beautiful thing to watch your sweet baby fall asleep on the breast.
If your LO needs to nurse to fall asleep and you want to break the association later, there is a method described in that book. HTH
DD 8/28/2014
DD 5/24/2016, stillborn at 40 weeks
The first 3m or so, I wouldn't worry about doing anything "wrong" to make bad habits. There is no way I could NOT let LO nurse to sleep as a newborn.
I agree with PPs - trust your instincts and listen to your baby. Some kids are very attached to nursing to sleep, whereas others aren't at all and every where in-between. My LO was very attached to nursing/bottle (because I work) to sleep the first 6m. After that he got to where other caregivers could rock him to sleep, but I still had to nurse him. Now H will lay him down to sleep and just lay next to him and he goes out in ~5mins. But I still nurse him to sleep, or mostly to sleep because sometimes he will roll away when he's just dozy but done and fall asleep laying next to me. Also, breastmilk has sleep inducing properties (for both mom and LO) so that to me indicates it's meant to help babies sleep.
You are going to find a lot of conflicting information about the "right" way to parent; in books, from friends, family, etc. But barring things like abuse/neglect, there is no wrong way to parent your child. If something works for you, your baby, your family, and everyone is happy/sleeping/thriving then it's the right way.
I nursed my kids to sleep until at least 18 months. It was just easier for us. But! They also slept on their own mattress on the floor, so I could nurse them down and then sneak off. When they were babies, I was usually able to nurse them to sleep in a rocking chair, and then put them in the crib while they were asleep. We never really pushed sleep training or anything, though. And I ended up stopping the nursing-to-sleep association different ways with each kid.
Nursing to sleep is just one of those things that you kind of have to wait and see what works for you and your baby. But don't feel bad nursing to sleep for the first few months (or even beyond them!). hth
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
DD is 2.5 (32 months) and needed to nurse to sleep until about 15 months or so (she would fall asleep fine at daycare for naps). She has always been in her own bed. At 15 months she quit nursing to sleep. She still needs/wants to nurse last thing before bed but most of the time she will go into her crib awake and then sing/talk until she is asleep. The last few days unfortunately she has been nursing to sleep because she keeps skipping her nap which means she is exhausted come bedtime. For nap time she does more or less nurse to sleep and I will take it but it doesn't always work anymore
... I think she is starting to give up her nap.
i am the only one that puts her to bed at night (we have had an occasionally babysitter and when we do she goes to sleep just fine) and I'm ok with that. It just depends on what you are Ok with and you probably won't know until your LO is actually here. My DD usually wakes up once a night still wanting to nurse and again, I'm ok with that. It won't be too long before she won't need me anymore it doesn't take long at all and I'm back in bed after a few minutes. She has an occasional night where she STTN now so she will do it in her own time. Plus it is great to have when she is sick/teething (and traveling!).
Like PP said, go with your gut and do what is right for you and your family. They will be big kids before you know it and they won't be nursing forever.
I was really anxious about this type of thing, too! Now when I look back on it, I realize how unnecessary my anxiety was.
You've got a good 2 or 3 months at the start of the baby's life to figure out how to handle things like this. No "bad habits" are going to be formed that early. By the time your baby is around 3 months old, you'll be in a LOT better place to judge how to handle things like this.
If I could go back 12.5 years and give my about-to-be-a-new-mommy self a single piece of advice, it would be "Relax about all this stuff! When it's time to make a parenting decision, your instincts will tell you what to do!"
Hi there! Try not to worry too much about it. I did read the NCSS, but didn't worry about my little guy nursing to sleep until he got older. And honestly, even though I read the book, he nursed to sleep right up unitil about 2 weeks ago...it just wasn't an issue for us. There were the occassional nights (this is when I started to read the book) where it seemed like he was making me an all night buffet...but it turned out that he only did that either when he was teething...or oddly enough, right before I'd start my period.
I loved nursing him to sleep...it was wonderful cuddle time. Once your LO gets here you will figure out how you feel about it and make the right decision for both of you. Try not to worry too much- it will seem rough at first, but after the first few weeks (maybe a few more) you will both have a great handle on it
Hugs & congrats on your LO to come! Being a mom is the most amazing thing ever!
Put the books down.
No one knows how to mama your baby better than you. And trust me, you will know exactly what to do once you meet her. You won't screw up by nurturing and loving her, I promise.