Pre-School and Daycare

How to explain to 4 y/o that she can't have TV in her room?

My 4 y/o daughter has recently started demanding that she be given a television for her room on her birthday. She's asked several times and I've simply told her no, she can't have a TV in her room until she "grows up". I refuse to let her have one for several reasons that for the sake of brevity I will not go into.

How can I put an end to this issue once and for all? 

We have 2 TVs in the house - one in our family room, and one the master bedroom DH and I share. I've told her she's free to watch TV in our bedroom whenever she likes but that doesn't seem to appease her...

Today we argued about this and I told her that b/c she was throwing a tantrum,  we would shut off the TV and no one (not even us parents) would watch TV for the rest of the day. I also told her that we'd have to consider getting rid of the TVs we do have if she continues arguing with us about this. Although, honestly, I really don't want to do that!! I also feel like it's crazy for a 4 y/o to even be asking about a TV for her room...

 

Re: How to explain to 4 y/o that she can't have TV in her room?

  • When my daughter asks for something I will give her some day I give a specific age. If you plan to allow her to have a TV someday tell her what age.
    As for the TV tantrum maybe set limits on how much she watches.




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  • I would just say that kids can't have TVs in their rooms - end of story.  You don't need to explain yourself to her. 

    If she really pushes you for a detailed answser, you can give her an age when she can have a TV in her room - like 15 or something.  My DD asked if she cold get her own phone yesterday and I just told her little kids weren't allowed to get phones, you have to be a really big kid like her cousins (12 yo) to have your own phone.

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  • I am a big believer in no TV in the bedroom for anyone, especially for children. I would just tell her that children cannot have tv's in their bedroom and that when she grows up and has her own house, she can have a tv in the bedroom if she wants.

    She can throw all of the tantrums and argue with you about it all day, but you need to be final with her and stop arguing.  Explain it to her a few times and then everytime she brings it up afterwards tell her that she already knows your answer and that it has been discussed many times and you are not changing your mind. You are the mommy and she is the child.
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  • I would be careful not to make stuff up too, telling her kids cannot have TVs is not true and she might already know that. Tell her the truth, you do not think kids should have one and she can likely get one when she is X age.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • agreed about giving her a designated age for getting a tv... if that's the route you want to go.  we will never put a tv in DD's room (she turns 4 in a few days), but we strictly limit tv at home so she wouldn't even think to ask for one.  my DH and I record all our shows on the DVR and watch them after she has gone to bed.

    i have no idea what tv-watching is like at your house, but if it is on a lot, you might want to reevaluate that a bit.  sounds like it has become a big part of your DD's life, or something she sees as important/valuable.  i don't mean this to sound judgey at all, do what works best for your family, this is just a suggestion.  maybe it's a good time to start a new family game night or get a dollhouse to play pretend together, or something else instead!

  • All of you hit on some key underlying issues that I now realize I need to address:

    -She is indeed a strong-willed, fiercely independent child. It?s something family and friends have consistently observed so I know it?s not it my head. My mom keeps telling me to ?get on top of that now b/c she will make your life miserable when she becomes a teenager?. Of course mom says this but doesn?t give  concrete suggestions for how to ?get on top of? a sassy  child who?s 4 going onto 14.

    -I have a hard time walking the fine line between being a parent vs. being a peer. I want DD to know she can open up to me and tell me things vs. hiding them. Given her nature I believe she will be more inclined toward hiding things if she feels I appear too authoritative. I don?t know how I can encourage open lines of communication w/o using the approach of ?parent as peer?.

    -I have not enforced consistent rules around TV and that is certainly something I must do. This came to a head recently when I arrived home with a new baby, and devoted most of my time to LO (who breast fed almost every 1.5-2 hours for an hour). I was obviously exhausted and had little time to give her, so the TV turned into the babysitter. I acknowledge that this was a terrible approach but I was exhausted and took the path of least resistance. I have to work on undoing this.
  • No explanation required.  "NO" should be sufficient.

    It simply isn't worthy of a discussion.

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
  • I would tell her NO and then not engage in any battle over it. No is no. You've made your answer and you don't have to defend your decision to her.

    I would however, put limits on the tv overall. Obviously tv is something that is important to her, evidenced by her making a big stink about having her own. Maybe less screen time will make her want one less. 

    S- March 09 E- Feb 12 L- May 15


  • imagePnkBride:
    I am a big believer in no TV in the bedroom for anyone, especially for children. I would just tell her that children cannot have tv's in their bedroom and that when she grows up and has her own house, she can have a tv in the bedroom if she wants.

    She can throw all of the tantrums and argue with you about it all day, but you need to be final with her and stop arguing.  Explain it to her a few times and then everytime she brings it up afterwards tell her that she already knows your answer and that it has been discussed many times and you are not changing your mind. You are the mommy and she is the child.

     

    I agree with this 100%  Also might be time to start limiting how much TV she does get to watch.

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  • imageridesbuttons:

    No explanation required.  "NO" should be sufficient.

    It simply isn't worthy of a discussion.

    This. And everything Auntie said.
  • Just say no. It's that simple. Everytime she whines, cries,  yells, pouts, screems about getting a tv in her room send her to her room.
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  • imageKathrynMD:

    I would just say that kids can't have TVs in their rooms - end of story.  You don't need to explain yourself to her. 

    I agree. The answer is just "no." You know what is best because you are her mother and she is four. :-)

    I would like to add that i have an extremely "spirited" DS and I know that engaging in an argument only makes things worse.

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  • imageKateB1984:
    We do 1-2-3 Magic (good book). The first time my kid asks for something, I give an answer. If he objects with manners asking why, I will briefly explain why I said no, and we can have a conversation of me listening to his viewpoint and either compromising or reaffirming that I stand by my answer after hearing his side. After that the discussion is closed. If he asks again, I say "I already gave you an answer - that's one" and then "That's two" if he asks again, and if he gets to three, it's a time out.

    I think she's arguing with you because it's an argument. If you refuse to say a word, acknowledge or engage, she'll eventually figure out that the discussion is closed.

    We do this too! If I have to say no again and again. I do a 1-2-3 and after that he goes into his room until he's done with the tantrum.

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  • I would tell her that you understand, that you like having a tv in your room too and that she can have one in hers as well, but that she has to use her own money to buy it.  
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  • I would stop trying to argue with her or explain it to her. The next time she asks, simply say "no" firmly and then walk away.  Completely ignore anything she says about having a TV.  As the parent, you don't owe your 4 year old an explanation.  If you just ignore her and walk away every time she brings it up, she'll probably get tired of asking pretty quickly.  But if you try to explain the reasons to her, it probably comes across as a debatable issue where she can sway your decision. 
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  • image-auntie-:

    imageanonsouthernbell:
    I would tell her that you understand, that you like having a tv in your room too and that she can have one in hers as well, but that she has to use her own money to buy it.  

    That's the best you got?

    My father wanted to buy DS a TV for his room. Like pestered the crap out of me about it. He bought both my nieces TVs for their rooms when they lived with him because he finds kids' programing annoying. He thought it would be doing me a favor to restrict Rugrats and SpongeBob to DS's bedroom when he was four.

    My son wanted Grand Theft Auto when he was 10. He had enough money in his wallet to buy several copies, but I didn't want him playing it. So I said no. Sometimes you just have to put on your big girl panties and be the parent even when it's unpopular.

    yes a 4 yo would likely not have that much money nor would know how to count that much. 

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