My 4 y/o daughter has recently started demanding that she be given a television for her room on her birthday. She's asked several times and I've simply told her no, she can't have a TV in her room until she "grows up". I refuse to let her have one for several reasons that for the sake of brevity I will not go into.
How can I put an end to this issue once and for all?
We have 2 TVs in the house - one in our family room, and one the master bedroom DH and I share. I've told her she's free to watch TV in our bedroom whenever she likes but that doesn't seem to appease her...
Today we argued about this and I told her that b/c she was throwing a tantrum, we would shut off the TV and no one (not even us parents) would watch TV for the rest of the day. I also told her that we'd have to consider getting rid of the TVs we do have if she continues arguing with us about this. Although, honestly, I really don't want to do that!! I also feel like it's crazy for a 4 y/o to even be asking about a TV for her room...
Re: How to explain to 4 y/o that she can't have TV in her room?
As for the TV tantrum maybe set limits on how much she watches.
I would just say that kids can't have TVs in their rooms - end of story. You don't need to explain yourself to her.
If she really pushes you for a detailed answser, you can give her an age when she can have a TV in her room - like 15 or something. My DD asked if she cold get her own phone yesterday and I just told her little kids weren't allowed to get phones, you have to be a really big kid like her cousins (12 yo) to have your own phone.
She can throw all of the tantrums and argue with you about it all day, but you need to be final with her and stop arguing. Explain it to her a few times and then everytime she brings it up afterwards tell her that she already knows your answer and that it has been discussed many times and you are not changing your mind. You are the mommy and she is the child.
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agreed about giving her a designated age for getting a tv... if that's the route you want to go. we will never put a tv in DD's room (she turns 4 in a few days), but we strictly limit tv at home so she wouldn't even think to ask for one. my DH and I record all our shows on the DVR and watch them after she has gone to bed.
i have no idea what tv-watching is like at your house, but if it is on a lot, you might want to reevaluate that a bit. sounds like it has become a big part of your DD's life, or something she sees as important/valuable. i don't mean this to sound judgey at all, do what works best for your family, this is just a suggestion. maybe it's a good time to start a new family game night or get a dollhouse to play pretend together, or something else instead!
-She is indeed a strong-willed, fiercely independent child. It?s something family and friends have consistently observed so I know it?s not it my head. My mom keeps telling me to ?get on top of that now b/c she will make your life miserable when she becomes a teenager?. Of course mom says this but doesn?t give concrete suggestions for how to ?get on top of? a sassy child who?s 4 going onto 14.
-I have a hard time walking the fine line between being a parent vs. being a peer. I want DD to know she can open up to me and tell me things vs. hiding them. Given her nature I believe she will be more inclined toward hiding things if she feels I appear too authoritative. I don?t know how I can encourage open lines of communication w/o using the approach of ?parent as peer?.
-I have not enforced consistent rules around TV and that is certainly something I must do. This came to a head recently when I arrived home with a new baby, and devoted most of my time to LO (who breast fed almost every 1.5-2 hours for an hour). I was obviously exhausted and had little time to give her, so the TV turned into the babysitter. I acknowledge that this was a terrible approach but I was exhausted and took the path of least resistance. I have to work on undoing this.
No explanation required. "NO" should be sufficient.
It simply isn't worthy of a discussion.
I would tell her NO and then not engage in any battle over it. No is no. You've made your answer and you don't have to defend your decision to her.
I would however, put limits on the tv overall. Obviously tv is something that is important to her, evidenced by her making a big stink about having her own. Maybe less screen time will make her want one less.
I agree with this 100% Also might be time to start limiting how much TV she does get to watch.
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I agree. The answer is just "no." You know what is best because you are her mother and she is four. :-)
I would like to add that i have an extremely "spirited" DS and I know that engaging in an argument only makes things worse.
We do this too! If I have to say no again and again. I do a 1-2-3 and after that he goes into his room until he's done with the tantrum.
yes a 4 yo would likely not have that much money nor would know how to count that much.