Advice Please

himymlover · January 2013

So I know I intro'd before, but for those of you who don't remember I'll give a brief intro. I am 21 years old, as is my bf, and this pregnancy was not planned at all. We live on our own in an apartment, pay all of our bills, pay our own way through school, and both have part time jobs along with our full-time school load. Basically I know that our parents are going to be upset, but at the same time I want them to realize that we are mature adults who already take responsibility for everything in our lives.

My boyfriend and I are really excited about this baby and are hoping that our parents will eventually share our excitement. I did everything I could (short of not having sex) to prevent getting pregnant, and now that it happened I have accepted it and can't wait. Right now I'm just trying to figure out how to tell them the news in a way that is sensitive to their feelings. We probably won't tell them until 12 weeks, but I could really use some advice. If you had children young and unexpectedly, or if you just have any advice at all, I would love to hear it.

1026pumpkin · January 2013

Congrats on your pregnancy! I would guess that if your parents are upset or have questions it's going to be related to how you're going to finish school, work, support the baby, etc.

If you and your boyfriend haven't already done so, maybe work out a rough plan for what you're planning to do about school and work, what you're going to do for childcare, insurance, etc. I think it will help show them how mature you are and that you have a plan in place.

It's sad that they might not initially have a happy reaction to the news, but if you're prepared for that going in and stay calm and answer their questions, I'm sure they'll come around. And most people have a hard time staying upset once a cute baby is in the picture :-)

himymlover · January 2013

1026pumpkin:
Congrats on your pregnancy! I would guess that if your parents are upset or have questions it's going to be related to how you're going to finish school, work, support the baby, etc.
If you and your boyfriend haven't already done so, maybe work out a rough plan for what you're planning to do about school and work, what you're going to do for childcare, insurance, etc. I think it will help show them how mature you are and that you have a plan in place.
It's sad that they might not initially have a happy reaction to the news, but if you're prepared for that going in and stay calm and answer their questions, I'm sure they'll come around. And most people have a hard time staying upset once a cute baby is in the picture :-)

Thanks for the congrats Luckily I will be finishing school in May of this year, but my bf's parents will definitely be worried about him finishing school (he's supposed to graduate this Dec). I think the idea for working out a plan to explain everything is a good idea. We have a general idea, but should probably be as prepared as possible when we tell them.

I am disappointed that this pregnancy isn't going to be something they are excited about at first. When I imagined being pregnant I always figured I would be married and they would be happy for me. Hopefully they come around though, and you're right...everyone loves a cute baby.

Shanmarie1083 · January 2013

If your parents aren't providing for you in any way then there shouldn't really be any need to "break it to them". You are adults providing for yourselves and will continue to do so when this baby arrives. They can either accept that and be happy for you, or not. What happens from that point is really up to you if they choose not be happy for you or make negative comments.

Now if they are providing for you in some way then you do have to use more tact when dealing with them, especially if you need that support to continue after the baby arrives. I would sit them down and explain it to them the same way you explained it to us. Explain that it wasn't planned but you are excited nonetheless and show them that you have a plan in place to be able to provide for this baby when it arrives.

good luck

adoubleu12 · January 2013

I was 21 when I found out I was pregnant with twins. My husband was just my boyfriend at the time, and he had just bought a house that we had moved in to together. I had no issues telling my mom, because she is my best friend and I tell her anything knowing she will be supportive.

His family was different, they are a little more old fashioned. They weren't too happy about it at 1st, but it didn't take them long to be excited about it. Now these two little girls are the light of their lives.

Everything WILL workout in the end, with or without their support.

himymlover · January 2013

Shanmarie1083:
If your parents aren't providing for you in any way then there shouldn't really be any need to "break it to them". You are adults providing for yourselves and will continue to do so when this baby arrives. They can either accept that and be happy for you, or not. What happens from that point is really up to you if they choose not be happy for you or make negative comments.
Now if they are providing for you in some way then you do have to use more tact when dealing with them, especially if you need that support to continue after the baby arrives. I would sit them down and explain it to them the same way you explained it to us. Explain that it wasn't planned but you are excited nonetheless and show them that you have a plan in place to be able to provide for this baby when it arrives.
good luck

Thanks. The only reason I feel it's kind of "breaking it to them," is because they have always been so adamant that I'm married before I have children. I know that since they aren't supporting me in any way they should accept the fact that I'm an adult and in a stable relationship. However, my parents won't see it that way at all lol. They will be very concerned at how it will look to the rest of the family. Hopefully even though they will be shocked at first they will soon get over it and be supportive.

himymlover · January 2013

adoubleu12:
I was 21 when I found out I was pregnant with twins. My husband was just my boyfriend at the time, and he had just bought a house that we had moved in to together. I had no issues telling my mom, because she is my best friend and I tell her anything knowing she will be supportive.
His family was different, they are a little more old fashioned. They weren't too happy about it at 1st, but it didn't take them long to be excited about it. Now these two little girls are the light of their lives.
Everything WILL workout in the end, with or without their support.

Thank you so much. It makes me feel better to know that other people have been in this situation and had things work out for the best. Unfortunately my mom and I don't get along very well, and she always used to warn me that if I got pregnant she would "take me to the nearest abortion clinic." So while I know I shouldn't be, I am actually terrified to tell her.

Right now I'm focusing on the fact that I am extremely lucky to have such a supportive boyfriend who has been with me for three years. I know he will be a great dad, and I will be a great mom, and like you said everything will work out in the end. Thanks for such good advice.

CaitlinYoder · January 2013

I am 21 and this is my first pregnancy as well. I am married and living on my own, but I still felt almost guilty because I am still finishing school and trying to start a career. I knew my mom wouldn't be happy right at first when I told her, but I am so glad I did because I need her support now more than ever. This is such a precious time for you and your boyfriend and growing baby. Try not to let other peoples opinions take away from that.

himymlover · January 2013

CaitlinYoder:
I am 21 and this is my first pregnancy as well. I am married and living on my own, but I still felt almost guilty because I am still finishing school and trying to start a career. I knew my mom wouldn't be happy right at first when I told her, but I am so glad I did because I need her support now more than ever. This is such a precious time for you and your boyfriend and growing baby. Try not to let other peoples opinions take away from that.

I'm glad it went well for you! I really hope that my parents end up being that supportive. Congrats on your pregnancy!

himymlover · January 2013

Exactly this! Our families were not happy at all when we announced our first. I was 19 and DH (FI at the time) had only been together a year. It was very hard to not have support, but as soon as the baby was born they changed their tune. We have since had DD, gotten married and are now expecting #3 but I'm still just as nervous to annouce this pregnancy as the first one. GL!

Thanks, you too! Congrats on #3.

niecie_jeff · January 2013

First, congrats to you and your bf on your baby! You guys sound like you are really responsible and will make great parents! As for telling your parents, I would just be honest with them and let them know what is going on. I am several years older than you and married, however, when we told MIL, she was very negative about the pregnancy. We sat down with her and told her that this is our baby and weather or not she supports us, this baby will be a great addition for our family and as much as we would like for her to be there for her grandchild, we will not have negativity around us or our baby. We are hoping once the baby is here, she will come around. Good luck! I am sure everything will be just fine for you.

missmuffin87 · January 2013

I got pg with my DD at 22. I had already finished college, but wasn't making a lot of money at the time. I was nervous about how my mom would react. I waited till I think 13 weeks before I told her. I got all of my health insurance stuff straightened out and had a couple appointments with my MWs before telling her. I phrased it in a positive way hoping that she would feel positive about it too. I said something like hey I have good news, I'm having a baby. I specifically didn't say "I'm pregnant" because I thought talking about the baby would humanize it more. I also told her in the car while she was driving so she wouldn't be able to freak out too much. ha

After the initial shock she was very happy and she loves being a grandmother.

snowbells · January 2013

Congrats on your pregnancy! I hope they will be as excited as you guys are! I don't really have any advice but will keep my fingers crossed that everything will work out for you guys!

thedash · January 2013

I just wanted to say congrats! There will be times when things are tough but remember that you are both smart, loving parents and everything will be ok in the end.

RocksInTheWater · January 2013

First of all, congrats on your pregnancy! It sounds like you and your bf are responsible and realistic on what it will take to raise your child together. I agree with OP advice on sitting down with your parents and explaining your plan. Even if they are initially shocked and/or disappointed I would hope they would come around and be excited about having a wonderful grandchild. Good luck!

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