Are you clueless too?

bigbootyjudi · January 2013

I feel so overwhelmed and clueless when it comes to this whole parenting thing.

I read to rock your baby if he needs to be rocked. I read if you keep rocking your baby because he wants to be rocked, he'll never learn to self soothe. If you don't give him the opportunity to self soothe, he'll never learn. Let him cry it out...but, wait, don't, because it might make his brain all crazy and sh!t...oh never mind, he'll be fine.

Don't feed him any berries the first year and then I'm skipping down the baby food aisle and see "baby food starters - strawberries and applies." Don't run to your baby's every noise...but then, wait, better do it, or he'll feel like you've abandoned him.

So, WDYD? I'm trying to read up on all of this sleep stuff since we're having SUCH issues with naps and now it's carrying over into getting him to bed (which we've never had issues with before) and I just keep finding contradicting information. I don't know what to do. How can you tell what's right and what's wrong? Everyone says, "Do what's right for your child." I don't know what's right for him...he won't tell me!

CLeigh03 · January 2013

I know, it can be hard. A huge part of new parenting I feel is learning to trust yourself as the expert. No one knows him better and you just have to keep trying, and unfortunately failing at times, to figure him out.

My best advice is to stay away from extremes. Don't rock for hours, don't let him cry for hours, don't give him berries next month...etc. Stick with moderation and common sense and try not to over think....

I know that is much easier said than done. You ARE the expert though. Not someone on google or some author of a book.

mollyxcate · January 2013

After I read 1 book and killed myself trying to follow 'directions' and it didn't work, I tossed the book and went with my instincts.

Sometimes I let her fuss when I know shes fussy. I rock her when she needs it.

They are people. The same things don't work all the time for us. Sometimes when I'm angry I clean, sometimes I take a shower, sometimes I exercise.

Follow your intuition.

alrighthamilton · January 2013

This is my first go at it too, but I quit reading anything that tells me what I should be doing, what my baby should be doing. I just do what works. Some of it is things I thought I would never do, like bed sharing and letting her watch TV with me. I really only listen to the advice of her pediatrician and just kind of wing it. I figure that if the girls on Teen Mom have kept their children alive thus far, I can too. And I also let my daughter watch that.

Manda-Kay · January 2013

I stopped reading things and wait for directions from my pedi. For every article you find, there will be another article that contradicts it.

CGorgz · January 2013

More directions come with a box of Stovetop than a baby.. and I always question why they don't send us home with a packet from the hospital when we are discharged. There are so many possibilities and different ways to do things and this parenting thing is scary. With all the research that has been done out there, it's hard to know what is right-- reading and following the research (and trying to choose which) or going with what you think you're supposed to be doing. It's tough to be a mom these days with so many people judging, not only IRL, but through media and stuff. We've been taking all the info and trying to mold it to what we think we can handle as a whole, and also trying to change it as we go to see what fits. Trust yourself. You'll make it through!

rp-chicago-mom · January 2013

Howell fussed it out for nap time with a transition object. He has this little bunny he likes so it's his lovie. If I hand him that and a paci, he's out.

CLeigh03 · January 2013

Also, read this. Mulitple times, if needed. I've quoted part of it on here before. I have it posted in my kitchen.

Sorry it's not clicky...not sure how to do that on my phone...

https://www.parenttoparentwinchester.org/pdf/babiesaregone.pdf

latnprincess · January 2013

There are so many different parenting styles, techniques, and babies. You do what works best for your baby and your lifestyle. Not all may apply to you. I've never been one to read books and follow what they say. I take advice, tweak it, and do what I think would work best for us.

Jnmac83 · January 2013

We are on the same page, AB4!

poppyseed1017 · January 2013

Honestly, I just go with the flow. I'm a much more laid back parent than I thought I would be, which is a good thing. I follow my kid's lead and try not to read everything I see about babies or jump at every little noise. She's happy and healthy and I've managed to keep her alive for the past 4 months so I must be doing something right.

gollywollypog · January 2013

Chiming in to second and third what's already been said about trusting instincts and going with your gut and following your childs needs.

But also, some babies and kids (read, my oldest) are much more difficult than others. I remember Joaquin would not sleep. I remember strapping him in to the car seat at night and driving just hoping he'd pass out already. I remember going to my mom's house in tears when he was a baby because he just would not nap and I couldn't keep going. I remember many times of sitting in my car outside our apt or my moms just letting him sleep in his car seat because if I moved him he'd wake up. I remember DH and I both having to physically restrain him and hold him tight while he flailed and screamed himself to sleep when he got a little older, like toddlerhood. As we speak he's 6 1/2 years old and STILL fighting sleep. Tonight. At 10:00.

Some kids are just hard.

Hugs, Anbeck.

shakinros · January 2013

CLeigh03:
Also, read this. Mulitple times, if needed. I've quoted part of it on here before. I have it posted in my kitchen.

Sorry it's not clicky...not sure how to do that on my phone...

https://www.parenttoparentwinchester.org/pdf/babiesaregone.pdf

Wow that was wonderful. Thank you for posting! Going back to bed all teary now.

yvdukana · January 2013

KLilley:
Chiming in to second and third what's already been said about trusting instincts and going with your gut and following your childs needs.
But also, some babies and kids (read, my oldest) are much more difficult than others. I remember Joaquin would not sleep. I remember strapping him in to the car seat at night and driving just hoping he'd pass out already. I remember going to my mom's house in tears when he was a baby because he just would not nap and I couldn't keep going. I remember many times of sitting in my car outside our apt or my moms just letting him sleep in his car seat because if I moved him he'd wake up. I remember DH and I both having to physically restrain him and hold him tight while he flailed and screamed himself to sleep when he got a little older, like toddlerhood. As we speak he's 6 1/2 years old and STILL fighting sleep. Tonight. At 10:00.
Some kids are just hard.
Hugs, Anbeck.

Thank you for this KLilley! My DS is a difficult baby and I'm so struggling with him. My DH keeps saying "what is wrong with our baby?" And I have no clue, he's just himself, he doesn't sleep, flails, ect. Knowing that it's not just him and some babies are this way really helps.

Anbeck, I could have written this post myself. It seems Sergio and Ben have very similar problems and I ready everything trying to help him, but like you said, it's all conflicting information. The issue is my gut has no idea what to do either...

stewabeth · January 2013

One thing that helps me stay calm is remembering how different parenting was when my mom or my grandma did it. And not in an, "OMG they did THISHORRIBLETHING!"

I just try to remember that the research and opinions change all the time and usually no one agrees. But I'm alive, so obviously they didn't "ruin" me. I figure it's probably harder to mess up a baby than people think.

99frontier · January 2013

Just like so many others have said...I have stopped reading what I should or shouldn't do and I have just been doing what I have found through experimenting works.

If we have a rough night, I pull him in bed with me in the morning.
I don't let him cry it out. Ever.
I hold him during his nap if I need to or if I just want to stare at him.
I put him to sleep on his tummy.
He is almost 5 months old and is nowhere near STTN.
So much of what I do is controversial but my baby is not a by the book baby. He, just like all of our babies, writes his own book as we go.

GL and just know that you're not alone!!!

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