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Fed up w/DH (VENT, LONG)

Organizedbride@yahoo.comOrganizedbride@yahoo.com
in November 2012 Moms

Oh, this is not how I wanted to spend my NYE. Dealing with an attitude from my DH. Things just haven't really been the same since I had LO. When he was born, my DH complained the entire time we were in L&D about how hungry he was, or bored he was, or how long it was taking (we had an emergency induction and they started me on pit at 5pm and he was here by 10:21pm, which isn't very long), and he didn't comfort me at all. Even though I had an epi, my contractions moved into my shoulders and I was having throbbing pain, the only way they wouldn't hurt so bad was if he would rub my shoulder and he got mad at that. Also, I was GBS+ which means you have to stay an extra day, and we also had to stay an additional day because LO was jaundice. My DH DOES NOT run well on no sleep, so when I was suppose to be resting, I was up non stop while he slept every night and I would get MAYBE an hour of sleep. He would even wake me up to change the diaper because he didn't know how. 

Now that I am 8 weeks pp, he really hasn't helped much, he doesn't spend very much time with LO he says what is the point in spending time with him while he sleeps. That he is too young to remember.

I try and try to get him more involved with him and he doesn't want to. He never gets up with him at night, and he never has. When its the weekend and he doesn't have to work, I expect to get some sort of break but it doesnt happen.

I don't know what to do, I am totally fed up with his attitude when I ask him to help or ask him to spend time with his son. He just wants to skip to the age that he can actually play with him and not help me get him there. He was always so good with kids and he was the one that pushed for us to have a baby. I just dont know what to do anymore =/ 

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Re: Fed up w/DH (VENT, LONG)

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    CandaceLeighCandaceLeigh member
    Could your D H be a little insecure about caring for a newborn and is choosing an attitude of indifference to express it? I  am sorry he's being a brat. maybe he needs a "good talking to" to overcome his selfishness.


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    jLeigh0709jLeigh0709
    Not to be redundant, but have you tried telling him this? Sometimes men just don't get it and they need us to spell it out. Let him know that you are feeling overwhelmed and that you need his help.

    Also, I'm not a doctor and I'm not saying this is what's going on, but men can also suffer from PPD. I'm not there so I don't know the exact situation, but it might explain some of his behavior...

    ETA: I just thought if this too... It might be hard but of there are things that he is helping with, sometimes just thanking him for that might make him feel like doing more? Again I don't know the situation, but I know my DH always feels more helpful when I take the time to thank him for what he does do.
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    143BabyCakes143BabyCakes member
    Are we with the same person? SO got mad at me tonight Cuz this is my first night out in 6weeks and I didn't want to be the DD. Other stuff was said so I broke up with him haha
    I would agree he sounds insecure. Some men take longer to adapt to major changes. And sleep deprivation has never made any situation better. Do your best to rest up and then talk to him.



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    kateraidkateraid member

    Wow. I can't believe he's acting like that. Was he anything like this before? Behaviour change during pregnancy? I'd be moving him out to his parents for a while and getting someone like my mom to stay and help if he's not getting it. You need a break and to be of sound mind to take care of LO.  

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    Desmarie13Desmarie13 member
    COMPLETELY NOT ON HIS SIDE but maybe he doesnt know WHAT to do. With dd my x was such a piece of ish. I finally flipped my lid and he told me he didnt know what i needed. He was afraid to get in the way or do something wtong. This may not be the case with ur dh. I guess my suggestion is to ask him for help and tell him what you need done and show him how you ro it. Men have egos, so try saying something like "can i show you how i make xx formula? It will only take a seccond" or "xx is fussy, can you entertain him/her while i do a diaper change" this gives him the perfect chance to watch and learn without feeling like a fool. I wish you luck. My dh planned lo, i didnt even realize i was ovulating! He promised he would do everything.... i have to wake him up on his "baby duty" nights. Its frustrating but dh gets up(grudgingly) and takes care of lo. I had to teach him alot and show him the way i do things that make it faster and easier for me but hes coming into his own now.

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    CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
    Sounds like your DH is a selfish jerk...not sure what can fix that. Maybea swift kick in the nuts?
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    sara785sara785 member
    I've had some issues with DH as well, and this is our second LO. He works a lot, so that is our biggest issue. When he's home, he's tired and miserable and has an icredibly short fuse. I've told him multiple times that when he's home and awake, I need him to be fuctional and helpful. It does me no good when he flips out because either LO is cranky. He finally got it. So like PP's said, try talking to him and make sure his mind is in the right place first. GL. Sorry he's being such a douche.
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    kieannbkieannb
    A lot of guys just don't know what to do at this stage. We are home with them so we have to figure it out, they see that we've got it handled and figure its just easier to let us do our thing.

    I have to tell DH daily what I need help with around the house, I tell him what our routine is on his days off, and have him help with bath time .. He's not comfortable doing it alone, so I don't force it... Maybe you just need to tell him how you are feeling, and offer to have him help with tasks with LO.
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    sadsadiesadsadie

    imageCurlyQ284:
    Sounds like your DH is a selfish jerk...not sure what can fix that. Maybea swift kick in the nuts?

    This. He needs to grow the eff up. You shouldn't have to do everything yourself (or ask for help repeatedly to no avail). I'd be seriously contemplating kicking his ass out if he didn't respond to one final (measured and very specific) request to get involved. 

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