She was right, I did like them — The Bump
Adoption

She was right, I did like them

My counselor called me up and said she has a couple that she thought I would like, and I do like them a lot, and if I were sure of my decision I would meet with them right away. There's just a draw back, they have a 2 year old, and I really don't know how I would feel placing my boys with them because they would have their hands full with 3 under 3. I don't know if I want to meet them and get their hopes up so soon, because they JUST got their home study approved and started officially waiting a few days ago, and I don't really want to get their hopes up if I do parent or overwhelm them with how soon they're matching.. with two boys.. I do want to kind of meet them though because if they're just really great with their 2 year old, their 2 year old is good, I'd be soothed over about the 3 under 3, or they'd just be great or whatever... bleh.

 

Happy new year everyone! 

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Re: She was right, I did like them

  • Ultimately you have to do what you are comfortable with. I would maybe discuss your concerns with the counselor or SW who is recommending this couple to you. I would say that if she thinks its a good fit it's because she knows both individuals and their capacities. I don't think she'd set you up to meet a couple who couldn't handle the twins if you opt not to parent. I'm sure she'd realize the hurt feelings getting both their and your hopes up with a potential match. 

    Hugs- I wish you all the best! 

    TTC since June 2010
    5 Angels

    Lilypie - (hlC0)
  • Personally I think it's okay to meet them, it's really the only way that you'll be able to get a really good feel for them.  I agree with PP that your counselor probably wouldn't have recommended them if she didn't think they could handle 3 under 3.


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  • I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting with them and having a conversation.  You could be really honest and say that you haven't made a final decision yet about parenting.  Then they know to guard their hearts a bit.

    Good idea to watch their interactions with the little one.  Adding a baby (or two) is always going to be challenging to a new family.  It won't be easy for them, but they do have the experience of parenting already, so it isn't all new.  Plus, perhaps their 2-year-old would be a good older sibling.

     

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  • Don't worry about them. And there's no commitment involved in meeting them. I don't think you can really make a decision until you meet them.

    FWIW, DH's cousins were matched with their second son 2 weeks after their profile went active. Sometimes that's just how it works out.

  • I totally agree with PPs. Adoption is a roller coaster on all sides - they may have been told their profile was being shown, so their hopes may already be up a little. Letting them know you aren't sure about our decision, I think, is actually a really kind thing to do. You're just checking them out, and that's fine.

    And yeah, 3 under 3 sounds like a handful, but my SIL has 3, 3 and under, and it was 3 under 3 for a few months (with the younger two being 12 months apart), and they love it. It's a madhouse, but they're happy girls, and BIL and SIL are happy too. Of course, them visiting always overwhelms DH. He was terrified of that happening to us. Everyone is different!

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    Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers
    Application approved Dec '11
    Mar '12: Homestudy interrupted by change in Uganda requirements - where do we go from here?
    After searching and searching, back with Uganda but with our homestudy agency's program.
    Homestudy complete July 19
    USCIS I-600A submitted July 20. Biometrics appointments arrived Aug 17; fingerprinted Aug 21; 171H received Sept 25th. On the wait list Oct 1st: #18. By Jan 25th, we're #13!
    Come home, baby A!
  • Agreeing w/the PPs but wanted to add that I am a mom to two under two (well now they are 24 months and 16 months) and we hope to have a third child soon.  
    Some might say it's crazy... but it is my life and we love it.  We are busy but it's good.  I like to think we are good parents..... strike that... great parents.  We have our priorities straight and our children get tons of attention.  

    So if this couple seems right... don't like the three under three scare you.  There are many of us that happily seek that craziness and don't want it any other way!!

    (Secretly I'd like five under five!! That isn't happening... due to the cost we will only have three... but worth noting :)  !!  ) 

    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
  • image silliestbunny:

    Agreeing w/the PPs but wanted to add that I am a mom to two under two (well now they are 24 months and 16 months) and we hope to have a third child soon.  
    Some might say it's crazy... but it is my life and we love it.  We are busy but it's good.  I like to think we are good parents..... strike that... great parents.  We have our priorities straight and our children get tons of attention.  

    So if this couple seems right... don't like the three under three scare you.  There are many of us that happily seek that craziness and don't want it any other way!!

    (Secretly I'd like five under five!! That isn't happening... due to the cost we will only have three... but worth noting :)  !!  ) 

    I agree with this.  Don't let the 3u3 thing scare you away.  We are currently doing it (6 months, 2.5 boys and we are fostering an almost 3 year old).  Although it may not be the ideal situstion for some, there are people like us who LOVE having so many kids so close in age.  And we are still open for adoption - like Silliest my ideal would be to have them all under 5 at the same time!

    Best of luck making a decision. If you want to meet them, do it.

    image

    5/10 - Gideon 6/12 Warren
    4/11 Started adoption process for 2 siblings through DCF. 10/12 Found out we are licensed! 12/14 Brought 3 week old identical twin girls home from the hospital.  Could be at least until Summer 1015 til we know if they are forever ours
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