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November 2012 Moms
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Feel like a bad mommy

BabyMakes 3BabyMakes 3 member
in November 2012 Moms
Stupid, I know. But whenever DH can calm our LO down and get him to sleep it makes me feel like less of a mother. I don't know why! Other than that I feel bad that I couldn't soothe my son. Anyone else feel this way? And DH is so great about offering to stay up with him while I go to sleep, etc and I feel like I shouldn't let him do these things because I'm the mom and I need to do it all. Wow! What's wrong with me?!
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Re: Feel like a bad mommy

  • karkissy09karkissy09 member
    I used to feel this way with Hallie...until I started being able to calm her when DH couldn't. You are and will always be mommy and that's irreplaceable. I'm sure you're a heck of a good one as well.

    I always felt bad letting DH help...then I got so worn out that I had no choice. The fact that you care this much tells me you are in no way a bad mommy.
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  • benmichelebenmichele member
    Right there with you. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I can do to comfort K is nurse him. MH husband can walk around with him longer and hold him tighter or something. Think of it as your husband's way to connect though. It's good for him to have a thing he can do with your LO. And MH helps with diaper changes in the middle of the night, but sleeps while I nurse, which is how he justifies staying up later than me to get K to sleep. Plus he feels needed after a day when K nurses a lot and therefore needs me.
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  • GargitaGargita member
    No reason to feel bad. There are definitely times that DH is better at soothing H. We try to learn from each other and trade techniques. He is definitely going to be better at story time, too, since he is way into doing crazy voices and making random things up than I am. DH is way into being a Dad, and I'm glad he has a few things that are just his with H. Sometimes it makes me feel bad that I have the boob advantage.

    We're not bad moms, we are just taking advantage of the plural in parents.

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  • maven212maven212 member

    I was like this, particularly in the hospital when I was surrounded by nurses who didn't seem to understand why I could not soothe the baby. Then, it became apparent that our LO was developing a bad case of colic. Eventually the feeling of inadequacy was overturned by a feeling of desperation - anyone doing anything to stop this kid from screaming became a good thing. Sometimes a change up in the person burping or holding etc is mysteriously enough for LO. Who am I to question her or feel bad when my SIL just bought the whole house 20 minutes of peace and my LO some relief?

     ..so I think what you are feeling is normal and I suspect it will pass.

     

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  • maven212maven212 member

    ...in fact, now that I think of it I think might feel like more of a mother and less of a rookie now that I have accepted that I can't do everything for this child..that I'm up against some mysterious, temporary but ferocious ailment and sometimes DH or my parents, SIL or sibling and friends will do a better job of ending a particular crying jag....if that makes any sense. I definitely felt like less of a mother at first, though. Maybe it's the exhaustion of our recent migration to hourly 7 minute nursing sessions 24/7 (no lie), but that feeling of inadequacy just left. I realized it would be hard for anyone to argue that I'm not trying my best.

    anyway, sorry for double message. Have milk brain and not much sleep. 

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  • brie_and_almondsbrie_and_almonds member
    100% feel the same way.  There is something so devastating when LO won't calm down for me and SO picks her up and she's instantly soothed.  I know it's good for him because he's learning to be Daddy and it's a way he can bond with her, but I feel like I could easily be replaced by a bottle and some formula sometimes.
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  • laxkal23laxkal23 member

    I don't get this way with DH (usually its him needing my help to soothe CJ),but I hate that sometimes no matter what I try the only thing that settles CJ down (particularly when he is gassy or n need of a good poop) is his soother. I mean I will literally try everything before I give it to him but sometimes that is the only thing that works. And I find it a little upsetting when that happens.  

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