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Suggestions & Thoughts Please - Baby only wants mom (not dad)

lawmom747lawmom747 member
in Babies: 6 - 9 Months

My DH has been distraught over the last few weeks as our 8.5 month old daughter has all of a sudden decided she only wants mom.  About 95% of the time she reacts to DH holding her as if he was a stranger (she is also going through stranger anxiety issues right now).  She bucks against him and basically throws a temper tantrum.  This is also wearing on me since I don't get a break from the baby unless I can tune out the screaming... 

DH has always been very involved in her life - giving her a bottle (FF) at least one feeding a day (we both work); giving her a bath and reading her bedtime stories every night; playing and interacting with her; and he is the only person who can really get her to laugh out loud.  Up until the last few weeks there was never a problem being with DH.

Anyone else going through this?  Any suggestions? 

 

Me: 35 DH: 35 - Married 10 years
PCOS and MF
Two failed rounds IUI in 2010
IVF #1 in 2011 - BFP 8/5/11 - Our IVF miracle was born 4/8/12
FET 9/23/13; BFP -Twins-10/3/13; EDD 6/10/14; MC 11/1/13; D&C 11/4/13
FET 3/28/14; BFN - 4/7/14
IVF #2 - Transfer 2 embryos 11/14/14; BFP 11/24/14 - Beta 265;
11/26/14 - Beta 612; 11/28/14 - Beta 1263; 12/1/14 - Beta 3571;
12/3/14 - first u/s - two gestational sacs; 12/17/14 - two healthy heartbeats (132 and 134)
Our IVF miracles were born 7/16/15

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Re: Suggestions & Thoughts Please - Baby only wants mom (not dad)

  • hopefulmom81hopefulmom81 member

    I think it is normal for LOs to go through weird "mommy" and "daddy" phases.  Next week, she might be a daddy's girl without warning.

    I guess the only thing I can think of is that he needs to keep trying and holding her through her freakout as tough as it is.  

    One other suggestion would be, what if you left the house for an hour and left the two of them alone to figure it out without you once a week (easier said than done, I know)?  

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  • ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
    imagehopefulmom81:

    I think it is normal for LOs to go through weird "mommy" and "daddy" phases.  Next week, she might be a daddy's girl without warning.

    I guess the only thing I can think of is that he needs to keep trying and holding her through her freakout as tough as it is.  

    One other suggestion would be, what if you left the house for an hour and left the two of them alone to figure it out without you once a week (easier said than done, I know)?  

    Definitely this.  It's a phase most kids go through but sometimes it's easier for a kid if the favored parent isn't in the house.  They can sense that you're there and that makes them unwilling to accept the other person.  It's like daycare dropoff.  They freak while you're there but once you're gone they become happy with their day. 

    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • casester1015casester1015 member
    We went thru this a couple months ago.  It was hard for me to hear her cry especially when I was right next to her but daddy was holding her, but it was also physically draining to do everything myself.  The only thing that helped us was a sort of "cry it out" method.  I left the house to go grocery shopping and daddy stayed with her.  He said she cried for awhile but eventually she tired herself out and started playing with him.  After a couple times she was fine being left alone with him then she got to the point where she was just as happy being with him as with me when I was in the room. You'll get thru this!
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  • mommasqueakmommasqueak member
    we are going through this exact same thing right now! it is so tiring!!!! i have to do everything with LO at my hip, or let DH do all the chores, which tires him out. and she doesn't like to STTN anymore, the last 2-3 days have been very hard on all three of us!! i have noticed that if DH takes her out of the room, or if i am not in her field of vision, it seems a bit better. or if she is much more interested in something else, like at this moment, she is in her jumper, and is playing with our cats. i am really really hoping this is only a phase, and in a few days we can go back to normal!
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  • meglette417meglette417 member
    My DS was doing this last week not to that extreme but he was teething - could that be it?
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  • lawmom747lawmom747 member
    Thanks for the suggestions - it is comforting to at least know others have faced this problem and it will pass.  LO goes to daycare 3 days a week and is with DH alone at different times throughout the week, including for a few hours today.  She goes through a freak out period but then does seem to settle down some if I am out of the house.  But as soon as I walk in the door - the little arms go up reaching for me to pick her up.  I look forward to the day where both parents are 'equal' in her eyes again!
    Me: 35 DH: 35 - Married 10 years
    PCOS and MF
    Two failed rounds IUI in 2010
    IVF #1 in 2011 - BFP 8/5/11 - Our IVF miracle was born 4/8/12
    FET 9/23/13; BFP -Twins-10/3/13; EDD 6/10/14; MC 11/1/13; D&C 11/4/13
    FET 3/28/14; BFN - 4/7/14
    IVF #2 - Transfer 2 embryos 11/14/14; BFP 11/24/14 - Beta 265;
    11/26/14 - Beta 612; 11/28/14 - Beta 1263; 12/1/14 - Beta 3571;
    12/3/14 - first u/s - two gestational sacs; 12/17/14 - two healthy heartbeats (132 and 134)
    Our IVF miracles were born 7/16/15

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  • ASmallWonderASmallWonder member

    imagehoppin747:
    Thanks for the suggestions - it is comforting to at least know others have faced this problem and it will pass.  LO goes to daycare 3 days a week and is with DH alone at different times throughout the week, including for a few hours today.  She goes through a freak out period but then does seem to settle down some if I am out of the house.  But as soon as I walk in the door - the little arms go up reaching for me to pick her up.  I look forward to the day where both parents are 'equal' in her eyes again!

    Well, I hate to break this to you but you might be in for a long wait :)  My son is 2.5 and absolutely prefers his dad to me.  We have a whole post about this on Parenting last week.  Shunned moms :)  It's very real and it can be a bummer but I know he loves me and your DH has to realize it isn't personal. 

    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • topaz7777topaz7777 member

    My DD is doing the same thing right now, but it's not only with DH.  Anyone but mommy holding her and there are tears.  She also cries if I walk past without picking her up, and every time I put her down.  It's driving me nuts.  The only thing that seems to help is if someone takes her into another room where mommy isn't in sight.  Then she will play and have a good time without thinking about me.

    Factor V Leiden Homozygous, Advanced Maternal Age

     

    TTC #1, 5 yrs, PCOS, Femera + Ovidrel.

    IUI#3 BFP, DD 5/31/2012

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    TTC #2, 2 yrs, PCOS, Femera+Ovidrel

    IUI#2 BFP!

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  • RaeAntRaeAnt member
    Totally a phase. DS went through that and DD has been going back and forth as well. I know it sucks to be on the receiving end of the LO acting like they don't want you, but it's only temporary. Just have him continue to try to do all the things he normally did. if need be, maybe he just needs to do it beside LO vs holding them. It'll pass and then LO will probably do the same thing to you. Not sure why it happens, but most if not all kids seem to go through that.
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