Getting husband to read his books

cwells9 · December 2012

My husband is driving me up the wall! He won't read his dad to be books. This is our first child and I feel like he doesn't get what's going on with me. He is a good husband, but certain things are making me crazy. He has made dinner 3 times in the sixteen weeks I've been pregnant, and I'm a nurse who works 12 hour night shifts so if he doesn't work that day and I do I think he could make dinner. His defense is I didn't ask him to do it...kind of hard to do while I'm sleeping. I guess I just feel if you've had to eat dinner every night for over 30 years you'd just assume your pregnant wife might want to eat dinner. Crazy, right? I feel like if he'd read his books he'd realize a little more of where I'm coming from and that I don't need to be doing all I used to do, that he's going to have to do a bit more. I also feel being pregnant Ida wonderful thing but it takes a lot out of a person, and the moment you find out you are pregnant certain things have to be given up- going places that might be smokey, certain foods, no more wine with dinner, being able to feel hunger without nausea (that passed but it was a long 10 weeks). If I'm doing that the least he could do is read books if for no other reason than I asked him to do that one thing since I'm doing so much. Am I crazy or does anyone else have this problem?

ohdrama09 · December 2012

My DH never read a book. I got him one and he never touched it. A lot of guys don't think it's necessary.

kaleyandjason · December 2012

I think it is really hard for the dads to get involved at this point. Some of us aren't showing, so dad can't feel the baby move.

Have you tried to talk to him about how you feel? He may think he has plenty of time to read up. I know I bought my DH a book and he hasn't read it yet. It doesn't really bother me though. I'm not sure how helpful the info in there is anyway.

SCBride2007 · December 2012

It's really difficult at this point for dad's to realize we're pregnant. I know that sounds silly, but if you think about it, only you are feeling the "consequences" both good and bad, of being pregnant. To him, you've told him you're pregnant, and that's pretty much it. It will become much more real for him when he can feel the baby and when you are bigger.

Also, my H never once read a baby book. I read some and found many to be cheesy. My H would never go for a preachy, cheesy book, so I didn't ask him to read any. Despite not reading a single baby book, he is the most incredible dad I could have ever hoped for for my daughter. It comes naturally to many men.

Try not to stress about the books. Now the dinner thing, I'd probably just ask him nicely if he could make dinner for you two on X and Y night.

tiffletons518 · December 2012

My husband also pulls the 'well you didn't ask' card. It worked for a while, but I started being really obnoxious with the asking, like overly enthusiastic with too much detail. He doesn't really use that anymore. Ha. And, as far as the reading a dad book goes.. I'm sure they have a lot of useful info, but my husband isn't a reader. So, I would never even bother trying. We both are pretty good about discussing our wants, needs, concerns.. so it's not a battle worth fighting. The one thing I remember when I was pregnant with our first, is he took a bottle of Gatorade away from me in the middle of the store and grabbed Powerade instead. He said that Gatorade is much higher in sodium and he heard that is bad for me when pregnant. Lol.

MoparWife67 · December 2012

I read books out loud to my husband, especially the books about labor and the things that I found interesting or very important. I wanted him to be on the same page and I knew that there was no way he was going to read it and retain the knowledge without me doing that. I wish I would have spent more time doing it.

HisPromisIsTrue · December 2012

It sounds to me like it is more of a division of labor issue than a dad to be issue. Also, it is important that chores are all well defined.

pull together a list of chores and days of the week, hold a family meeting and establish some family rules about the list. Maybe the one working the most hours on average has fewer chores, maybe a rule is that everyone gets a chore holiday from time to time. Then start putting names unber chores for a given day of the week (assuming your scheduled are fixed).

everyone will know what is expected and be empowered to fulfill those expectations.

cwells9 · December 2012

Thanks everyone!! I especially like your suggestion about giving him specific nights to do dinner.

Dragonfly1226 · December 2012

Most dads to be don't read those books. DH read HBOTB when I was in my third trimester with DS. A lot of men start to become more excited/involved once you start to show and when they can feel the baby move. If it was me, I would ask him to make me dinner. He probably doesn't even realize it's bothering you.

nej0202 · December 2012

DH isn't much of a reader either. Weeks ago my neighbor bought me a journal she loved when pregnant with her daughter. There are a couple paragraphs to read each day about what is going on with baby, mom and some other fun stuff about other cultures or nutrition, etc. I've made a routine that when we go to bed we read the journal together. It helps DH feel like he is involved and it opens his eyes to so many things going on with me these days. Let me know if you want the name Smile

lioness13 · December 2012

I agree that communication is important. Reading books help but it won't replace the communication between you and your DH. Ask for what you need. If you don't communicate you can only blame yourself.

My DH hasn't been reading anything either so I feel your annoyance! I have been telling him what I'm feeling and what I need. Sometimes he rolls his eyes or says I'm exaggerating but I know he's listening and he does what I ask him too.

Carolinawx · December 2012

yeah, it's common. I wouldn't stress. Only suggestions I have are to ask that he cook dinner on "x and y" nights. Being specific with them really helps them. I also might suggest signing up for a birthing class, just a small basic one, to help him realize this is real!

SacredFireMomma · December 2012

I bought my husband a 'new dad' book for my first pregnancy that he never read. However I earmarked a couple of chapters in my birthing book and he read those. I told him it was very important that he be on the same page as me since I was giving birth at home.

As for dinners, it would be lovely if men could read our minds or have an ounce of awareness when it comes to meeting our needs during our pregnancy. The only thing I can add here is to be honest with your husband. Tell him your needs, exactly as you see them. I like the suggestion to have preplanned evenings where he cooks. Sometimes it's best to spell it out in a way that works rather than hoping he'll just get it.

Best of Luck to you!

Helmet3311 · December 2012

They are definitely two separate issues. Just lay down the law and say he's responsible for dinners the nights you work. And if he doesn't make them, come home and prepare your food but don't make his. He'll learn.

As far as the books go, my DH never read one of my pregnancy books...especially this early on. Once I hit 3rd tri, I gave him a book called "becoming a dad" by John Carr. It's written by a male social worker and it's short and sweet. It covers the first three years in like 100 pages. It's bullet points and short paragraphs...gets the job done without all of the emotional, flowery nonsense a lot of pregnancy books focus on. I caught him reading it a few times, so I guess he liked it.

AmyChristine15 · December 2012

Yeah right... MH read a book? Never. I'm sure most are like that. My suggestion would be to bring him to your prenatal appointments as much as you can and the ob can give him some insight. As for dinners, it sounds to me like your husband is being inconsiderate and immature. Not cooking him food when you are cooking for yourself will do nothing but create more tension. Maybe try cooking meals in bulk so you can turn to a freezer stock on nights you don't feel like cooking.

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