Book suggestions for BFs

sld5711 · December 2012

Hi Ladies

I am looking for some book suggestions to make my SD (5) understand our new situation. My DS was born in October and we have had 2 holidays now that had to be split up with ther parents and each holiday she has asked different questions that make me think that she doesnt quite understand our whole family dynamic. For example on Thanksgiving she asked when the baby would be going to TX with her to visit her mothers family and then on Christmas she spent the second half of the day with her mother and she asked if the baby was going to be going somewhere else that afternoon. I just dont think us telling her that her mom and dad arent together and she has a different family than my DS is really sinking in and I was wondering if there is maybe a childerns book that explains it better and makes her realize that she is still special and loved even though she is going back and forth between 2 different homes. Its like she understands it sometimes like when she told her cousin that her mom and dad dont live together but I dont think she really grasps it completely. She has never know that her parents where together since they seperated before she was even 1.5 but she does know that they were married which I think has confused her even more. Thanks in advance ladies!

twister22 · December 2012

I don't know of any books, just wanted to say I think it's something she'll understand more over time. I think it's just mild confusion for the child - nothing major. I think these these types of things are normal, i.e. DS has asked when he was 3.5 if I am the mom of his sister from BD. I just said no, that his sister has one mom - BM2, and that he has one mom - me, and that they share the same dad - BD. He seemed to partially get it. Also, I recently had a DD myself, so when DS(4) went to see BD recently his other sister (whom he hadn't seen in 2+ months) was there, and he kept calling her by my DD's name.

Basically, I'm just saying our LOs/SKs may not always fully grasp the BF thing, but it's not something to worry about and it's something they'll understand more with time.

ambrvan · December 2012

I don't know of any books, but just keepup explaining the dynamics patiently over time. And make sure she knows that lots of other children have lots of different family dynamics. My SD is 6 1/2, and she is just not starting to grasp the concepts. For her it has been easier, I think, because she lives with all all the time for as long as she can actively remember and BM just comes to visit sometimes. But I also have had to explain why her older half aibs live across the cou try with their father, why they have a different dad than her, even though they have the same mom. Why my DS has the same dad as her. It's all very confusing. But I think understanding does come with time as long as it is dealt with patiently and lovingly.

Unfortunately, I also get stuck explaing this stuff to our little cousin 5. His parents use him as leverage against one another and when he asks questions about why he has to go here or there and why his dad's girlfriend's kids go elsewhere, mom/dad say something like, "Because mom/dad is mean and doesn't care what you want" or something just as hurtful. I end up trying to do damage control when I babysit and find him crying by himself.

So just saying, that's not the way to handle it.

jessalared · December 2012

I'll have to ditto pp's and say to just give it time. My niece was 5 when I married her uncle and she told SS that she was so jealous and she wanted me to be her stepmom. Just tell them they have even more people to love them than ever!

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