I'm a FTM and my husband is a FTF. My mom wants to fly up
to be here during labor (she'll leave the room for the pushing and
delivery) and to see the baby in her first day of life. She wants to
help in any way she can and be here in case anything happens to me or
the baby. My husband thought that the labor process is an intimate
beautiful experience between husband, wife, and future baby.
My mom and husband don't know each other that well, so I do worry
about the awkwardness of the three of us staring at each other for 18
hours of labor. I also worry about any potential personality clashes
(my mom can be sensitive sometimes). BUT, maybe it's nice to have
family there to share in the experience and to welcome her into the
world (we live far from all family)? It would hurt her feelings if I didn't want her here, but I also want to avoid anything that could make my baby's entry into the world awkward or stressful. I'm really torn and need
opinions. Please help!
First Date: March 10, 2007
Engaged: August 21, 2010
Wedding: June 4, 2011
Re: FTM...need advice on who to have in the room during labor!
Your mom can't do anything in case something happens to you or the baby. That's what the doctors and nurses are for. If she wants to come once you are all home then that's another story but there is no reason she NEEDS to be there to help at the hospital. I get that she wants to see the baby in her first day of life but not at the expense of your and your husband's comfort. YOU are the parents and get to decide who can and cannot be there. I believe the same thing your husband does in that it's a very intimate and special moment (meeting your child for the first time) that should be shared by mom and dad. Once bonding, skin to skin, breastfeeding and just spending time as a family has happened THEN we will call family and let them know baby was born. There is no reason or need to have them there before that IMO.
""No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."
"On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered "Life will never be the same." Because there had never been anyone like you... ever in the world." ~ Nancy Tillman
How will she know when to fly in? Even if she could get a same day flight booked, it would probably be several hours for her to get there, right? So odds are she wouldn't be there for the labor anyway. Now of course she can arrange her flight as soon as you go into labor and meet the baby in her first day of life, but odds are if she's flying she will likely miss the labor anyway. Or am I missing something?
I have to agree with PP-if DH is uncomfortable with it/doesn't want it then don't do it. As women we would want our SO's to respect our opinion on who's there-why should his opinion be treated any differently? He is 50% of the parents, so he should get a fair share in saying who is there during the process. If you really think she will get hurt feelings by being told not to come for the labor then just don't tell her in the early stages. Wait until you are going to the hospital to tell her to come, and with the flight and travel time it shouldn't be a problem-she won't be there until you are done anyway most likely.
Just DH!
Everyone is different. I decided not to have my mother there with us as it was DH and I becoming a family of three. It was something special for just us. She did come the next morning bright and early to meet her grandson, which was fine. Then with DD she came shortly after she was born since she was at my house watching my son while I was in labor.
I plan on not having anyone but my DH with me again. It is a special moment for us as a couple.
Bottom line is that you need to do what is best for you and your DH. This is your moment.
ezra everyday
Im surprised you are just now trying to figure this out as we are all due in the next several weeks. Whatever you and your H decide is what you should do. If your Mom doesn't respect it then that is her problem to deal with. You kind of have more important things to deal with.
I'm soooo thankful my family and DH's family are drama free...
Henry Cavill...You're welcome!
BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
BFP #2: MC 7/2/11 @ 12 weeks
**Missing our February '12 LoveBug**
BFP #1: MMC discovered on 12/6/10
I think I answered you on the 3rd tri board, but I just want to ditto this. People tend to have strong opinions on this topic, but you have to do go with what YOU want. It's not about whether or not your mom NEEDS to be there, it's about whether or not you WANT her there. If the answer is yes, then that's your answer.
This! When it comes to labor, your feelings and needs are the ONLY ones that count. It doesn't matter what your DH or mom wants. Who do you need in the room to support you and get you through labor?
Dx MTHFR (C677T & A1298C, Compound Heterozygous)
BFP #1 05/03/12 DD: 12/18/12
BFP #2 05/26/14 MMC: 6/26/14 D&C: 7/18/14
BFP #3 10/09/14 MC 10/24/14