I feel like I'm going backwards. — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss

I feel like I'm going backwards.

My loss was in August.  Over the course of the fall, I feel like things got better.  The world started to  get bright and happy again.  I don't know if it is Christmas or the upcoming due date, or all the holiday pregnancy announcements, or what... but I think I'm going backwards.  It is getting harder again, to the point that I debated going home from work just to cry.

Has anyone else been through this?

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Baby Boy born sleeping at 20 weeks.

Re: I feel like I'm going backwards.

  • I am in the EXACT same boat. I was doing good, October and most of November went by without a hitch, then I got to Thanksgiving. I've felt lost ever since. I think it's a combination of everything you've mentioned - Christmas, holiday baby announcements, your due date etc. For me, it's definitely the holiday and the baby announcements. I've shut myself off from the world and haven't made any plans to see any friends during the holiday break because I just don't want to deal with it. I want to drown my sorrows in chocolate and block out the world.

    I get how you feel - and I'm so sorry you feel like you're going backwards. I wish I had advice, but I, too, just want to go home and cry. *hugs*

    ________________________________________________________________________________


    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

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  • I'm sorry ILRV, I'm sure its a combination of all of those things you mentioned. I know it has been a shorter time since my loss but I feel as if I am going backwards too. Maybe its the holidays, maybe its because I realized that this is all real, not just some horrible nightmare.

    Big ((hugs))

    Lilypie - (5WpR)
    Me(26)PCOS, Hypothyroidism & Incompetent Cervix  DH(28)Azoospermia
    4/11 Off BCPs -- Cycle 1-3 (6months) - No ovulation, Provera
    Cycle 4-6 - Provera, Clomid 50mg, CD23BW - All BFN (HSG-all clear)
    Dec 2011 DH S/A shows zero count - dx Azoo
    TESE 4/13/12 - Sperm found!! 5 viles frozen
    IVF ICSI #1- (Lupron protocol) 5R 2F 2dt- 2DP & 4CF - BFFN
    IVF ICSI #2-  (Antagonist protocol) Started stims 7/26
    ER 8/8 11R 9F 3dt - 9BF & 7BF (+HPT 8dp3dt)TWINS! EDD 5/1/13
    <312/9 Joshua David and Zoe Faith born too early at 19w4d due to incompetent cervix <3
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
      LAP Transabdominal Cerclage - 4/15/13 only possibility of carrying my children to term 
    IVF#3 - June 2013 -  canceled.
    IVF ICSI #3.2- (Antagonist Protocol) 7/26 start stims (same day, a year later from J & Z's stim start date!)
     ER 8/7 19R 9F 3dt of 2- 8BF embryos. (+HPT 7dp3dt) Beta #1 - 82.8 Beta #2 - 821 Beta #3 - 7254
    9/11/13 - U/S shows 1 baby HR 135bpm! EDD: 4/30/13
    It's a BOY!!
    2/9/14 - DX Gestational Diabetes
    C-section scheduled for 4/7/14 (36w5d)
    Colin Joseph - 1:07pm 6lbs 14oz - 8 days in the NICU
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  • I know exactly how you feel. My EDD was the begining of the week..between that, the holidays, and all the pg announcements I feel like I can't breathe this week. I've actually left work twice this week and once last week because I've had total breakdowns.:( I felt like I was doing so much better, but now I feel like I'm back in the end of August. I've heard people say grief comes in waves..and this has been a really bad wave. ((hugs)) to all of us.

    Jillian Rose- born 8/26/12 at 24 weeks. "It broke my heart to lose you but you didn't go alone, for a part of me went with you, the day God took you home"
    I love you always, my beautiful girl.

    Hysteroscopy 3/1/13 Dx: Unicornuate uterus

    || <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation TrackeMy Ovulation Chart

    BFP 3/18/13- Please be our Rainbow, we love you so much already.

    6/4/13-Found out we're having a BOY!!

    10/30/13-He's here!! Happy Birthday, Ryan! We love you so much! xo

    Lilypie - (Bfmg)

     

  • I think we all have those moments where we feel like we are taking steps back in the grieving process.  For me, it started a bit after thanksgiving and it hasn't gotten too much better.  I keep telling myself that this is a road that I need to travel and there will be detours along the way and I just need to ask for help during those times.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • This is all completely normal.  Been there.  Done that.  Still doing it.  I always say grief is like trying to crawl out of a hole.  Just when you think you're getting to the top because you can see the light, you slip and end up at the bottom to start it all over again.  Over time the waves don't come as often or last as long.  The holidays, dates etc. certainly don't help the situation. 

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

     

     

    corbinsmommy.blogspot.com


     

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  • I am in a similar spot in my grieving and my loss was in June. I feel like it's a combination of the holidays, the shooting in CT, etc. It's been a rough week for me.
    I am a mother to two daughters. Our first is a lovely and vibrant three-year old. Our second, passed away during the sixth month of pregnancy (June 2012).
  • ((HUGS)) I totally understand what you're saying. I'm not sure if it's the approaching holidays/hormones or what but I've found this week to be an incredibly sad one. I also thought I was doing really well and then I got super emotional this week and can't seem to come out of it.

    image

    me (31) & dh (36)

    bfp 04/06/12 - 21 week twin loss 27/10/12 DX: Incompetent Cervix

    17/11/12 - hemorrhage and d&c



    Feb. TTCAL siggy challenge - favorite love story (book or movie)

    image

    Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. ~ Ghandi

    PGAL/PAL always welcome!

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  • We are all here in the same spot you are.  It's not abnormal what you are going through.  I am going through the same thing.  I have been eating away my pain....yes, I know that's bad.  Hopefully, it will ease up a bit.

    You're in my prayers.  ((Hugs))

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers image Me - 41 DH - 28 **** Proud mom to Christopher, dob 7/15/92 **** Nathaniel dob 1/18/05 -1/18/05 (8 mos) in heaven **** bfp 8/26/10 m/c 10/14/10 at 7 wks. **** D&C 10/15/10 **** Cycles 1-4 BFN's **** Cycle #5 - 100 mg Clomid **** IUI #1 - 04/23/11 and 4/24/11 - 5/8/11 IUI #1 = BFFN BFP 10/14/11 - EDD 6/22/12** Stick little one Stick! Athena Jane 5/31/12 - 8/28/12
  • You are not alone at all. I thought I was doing so well and really getting stronger and now I cannot stop thinking about Hunter. I am so overwhelmed with the sadness again, I am blaming Christmas. I am just pushing through and trying to keep it together but I am nervous for tuesday. 

    Hang in there.. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial ticker
    Due with baby boy # 2 in May 2016
    DD #1 born January 2014

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