Baby Naming Problems Vent "LONG"

Dstevens429 · December 2012

Well DH is Greek Orthodox and his family tradition has always been to name the babies after the grandparents. I believe this is the Greek tradition since I look back at all my Greek friends and realized they named their LO's this way. DH's fathers name is off the boat Greek, Kostantinos, and my LO is only going to be 25% Greek since DH is half and I am 0%. DH's father says he would be heartbroken if we did not follow the Greek tradition and I really don't want him to feel this way because he has helped so much with the IVF OOP costs, but I really dislike the name. FIL also gave us another option of naming the baby after his father, George, this name would be great except my mother's husband (my step father) name is George and I am sure my father would not appreciate this. We were going to use FIL's name as the middle name but that still was "unacceptable" or as my FIL would say "not the way" I am so confused on what to do. Sometimes I feel like I should save myself the headache and just name the baby after FIL and sometimes I think of all the injections I had to go through to get this far and naming my LO has always been a dream of mine. Sorry for the rambling and the vent but I have run out of options on how to address this situation. I guess I just wish I knew this tradition prior to getting prego not that it would have changed my mind on having kids but I would have been ready non-naming of my baby. Thanks for listening sorry so long but I feel a bit better after typing all my fustrations lol Now to find a way to deal with them.

nycitygirl1 · December 2012

First off (((hugs))). You have been through so much to get where you are and I think that probably colors your judgment to some degree.

It sometimes seems like people who have been through IF feel guilty or like they "owe" someone something.

While it was awesome of your FIL to help out with some of the costs related to the IVF this does not mean you "owe" him. He is family, obviously he wants a grandchild and was happy to give you the money to make that happen.

This doesn't mean you need to (literally) name your first born after him. You shouldn't feel like you need to give him his way on everything related to your baby just because he gave you guys some money.

It sounds to me like your heart is telling you to choose a name that you and your husband love. This baby is such a miracle -- don't miss out on a major part of that (naming your baby is a BIG deal...and he/she will have to live with that name for the rest of their life!).

While naming after the grandparents/parents may be the way they did it in the old country, this is America, you are not Greek Orthodox, and your FIL needs to respect that.

Talk to your husband and explain to him how you feel. Good luck!

fabulouspinkmady · December 2012

I want to say that it's your baby and you should name him whatever you and DH want to. I don't think it's fair for grandparents to expect to have a say in naming their grandchildren, they had their chance and they should let you have the same opportunuity.

However I understand wanting to respect traditions, especially when your FIL has been so generous in helping with IVF costs. Can you maybe explain to your dad that George is specifically named for FIL's dad? Or, could you potentially name the baby after FIL so its on paper and just call LO by his middle name?

Good luck, I hope you can come up with a name that everyone can appreciate, even if you come up with your own name. Hopefully, once he is here, the name issue won't be as important (ETA: I meant hopefully it won't be as important to FIL, not you; the name is always going to be important to you!)

kaf7 · December 2012

I feel you should have the amount of say you want in naming the baby but understand the difficulty you're in. One "compromise" I have seen is either modifying the family name slightly or choosing a different name but one that has the same meaning. Would either of those work for you?

Dstevens429 · December 2012

kaf7:
I feel you should have the amount of say you want in naming the baby but understand the difficulty you're in. One "compromise" I have seen is either modifying the family name slightly or choosing a different name but one that has the same meaning. Would either of those work for you?

We thought about shortening it to Dino but the Greek tradition is so weird with naming their children. DH is named after his mother's father and his sister is after his fathers mother. I am so confused because as much as DH and I want to name our child what we want, we don't want to break tradition. I am definitely going to bring up a good conversation about this after the holidays but until then I am just stressed.

Jbromberg1985 · December 2012

I understand you wanting to respect the Greek Orthodox traditions, but at the end of the day, it's still your child and you need to do what you feel is best. I know to probably tough, especially since your FIL helped you out with the IF expenses, but that doesn't mean you owe him anything, let alone something so permanent.

My personal opinion (and please tell me if I'm wrong) is you're so conflicted because you really don't want to use the name but are afraid that it will cause a family rift. You and DH should have a serious heart-to-heart about it, and if you guys want another name, then go with what you two feel is best.

Gregermis · December 2012

((hugs)) I'm a victim of this situation actually. I'm the oldest and my father was born and raised in Greece. Since I was a girl, they did not give me a greek name... My two sisters are named for my dad's parents, so they must have gone through hell after me.

Could you name the baby after your FIL and then call the baby by his middle name?

Gregermis · December 2012

nycitygirl1:

First off (((hugs))). You have been through so much to get where you are and I think that probably colors your judgment to some degree.

It sometimes seems like people who have been through IF feel guilty or like they "owe" someone something.

While it was awesome of your FIL to help out with some of the costs related to the IVF this does not mean you "owe" him. He is family, obviously he wants a grandchild and was happy to give you the money to make that happen.

This doesn't mean you need to (literally) name your first born after him. You shouldn't feel like you need to give him his way on everything related to your baby just because he gave you guys some money.

It sounds to me like your heart is telling you to choose a name that you and your husband love. This baby is such a miracle -- don't miss out on a major part of that (naming your baby is a BIG deal...and he/she will have to live with that name for the rest of their life!).

While naming after the grandparents/parents may be the way they did it in the old country, this is America, you are not Greek Orthodox, and your FIL needs to respect that.

Talk to your husband and explain to him how you feel. Good luck!

Helping to pay for OOP costs has NOTHING to do with the FIL's desires. She'd be in the same boat if she got KU accidentally while on bcps. Greeks are really really really proud of their traditions... the whole America is not Greece thing won't "compute". I was (when I was born) and still am in a similar boat....

CutieGirlLissie · December 2012

Dstevens429:
Well DH is Greek Orthodox and his family tradition has always been to name the babies after the grandparents. I believe this is the Greek tradition since I look back at all my Greek friends and realized they named their LO's this way. DH's fathers name is off the boat Greek, Kostantinos, and my LO is only going to be 25% Greek since DH is half and I am 0%. DH's father says he would be heartbroken if we did not follow the Greek tradition and I really don't want him to feel this way because he has helped so much with the IVF OOP costs, but I really dislike the name. FIL also gave us another option of naming the baby after his father, George, this name would be great except my mother's husband (my step father) name is George and I am sure my father would not appreciate this. We were going to use FIL's name as the middle name but that still was "unacceptable" or as my FIL would say "not the way" I am so confused on what to do. Sometimes I feel like I should save myself the headache and just name the baby after FIL and sometimes I think of all the injections I had to go through to get this far and naming my LO has always been a dream of mine. Sorry for the rambling and the vent but I have run out of options on how to address this situation. I guess I just wish I knew this tradition prior to getting prego not that it would have changed my mind on having kids but I would have been ready non-naming of my baby. Thanks for listening sorry so long but I feel a bit better after typing all my fustrations lol Now to find a way to deal with them.

I am 100% of the belief that you should name your baby what YOU want. While I can't fully understand the position you are in since I am not being put in that situation, I do get how hard this must be for you. But at the end of the day this is going to be your baby. You are going to have to live with this name forever. I once read an article that said something like 15% of parents said they regret the name they gave their child and/or don't like it. And 5% of them actually legally changed the kids name afterwards. It seems to me like you really don't like that name and I can't imagine going with a name I truly don't like. If you really don't like it you should talk with DH and come to an agreement you both like (maybe use it as a middle name like you mentioned, or don't use it at all) and have DH firmly but politely explain that is what you are going to do. It may hurt your FIL initially, but it's not like he'll never love the kid because of it. That's my two cents.

PennyLane26 · December 2012

I don't envy your situation! What about naming the baby Konstantinos formally on the birth certificate but just calling him by his (chosen) middle name? I think once Grandpa holds baby in his arms he won't even care! My best friend is Greek and had to deal with the same issue, luckily they loved the family name Penelope, so it wasn't much of an issue. GL!

hoopduck · December 2012

That does sound like an awkward situation to be in, OP. Our family has pretty strong traditions about using surnames as middle names, and that just doesn't fly with me. I plan on letting no one know our name until after baby is born and the ink is dry on his/her birth certificate. Some family members might be disappointed, but that's just too bad for them. Our baby - our name choice. They had their babies and chose to follow tradition, that doesn't mean I should feel obligated to, and you shouldn't either. *hugs*

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