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Day 3

lizlemon2lizlemon2 member
in Adoption

Well, it is day 3 and I am exhausted! The boys are playing with daddy while dinner is getting ready.  The 2 yo has been easy so far.  The 4 yo is definitely challenging us.  He had a pretty major tantrum today over me making him wear a coat to the playground. Like, a 40 min, inconsolable tantrum. He is testing us about little things.  He also seems to get jealous of when my DH is taking care of the little one.  They have never lived together, so a lot of this is new for everyone.

Someone tell me it gets better? Anyone adopt preschool/toddler age? Or have kids around that age or older?

 I updated my blog yesterday if y'all are interested:

Adoption Blog Updated 2/15
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Re: Day 3

  • elissaann26elissaann26 member

    We fostered a 5yo and 2yo- it DEFINITELY gets better!  I still vividly remember the first MAJOR tantrum our 5yo threw!  I definitely thought I was in over my head.  The best advice we got is to completely ignore the behaviors you don't like.  This is really hard, but it REALLY works.  And often times we would praise the 2yo or even DH for display good behavior.  "Oh DH, I just love how you sit at the dinner table so calmly so that we can eat dinner together and talk about our day.  It is just so nice to be able to have a great conversation with you!"  or "Oh 2yo, you are doing such a nice job playing with your toys gently.  It is so much fun to play with our toys gently so they won't break and we can have fun with them again tomorrow!"  while you ignore, ignore, ignore the bad behavior.  And the bad behavior will escalate before it gets better.  But this technique worked wonders for us. 

    Hang in there!  And enjoy the new-ness of it all.  I was just thinking back to those days as we were discovering their personalities.

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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    It will get better. They have a LOT of adjusting to do.

    As the mother of an almost 3yo, I can tell you some of the testing is just normal toddler behavior. DD had a meltdown a few months ago because she threw her socks all over the room and I wouldn't let her leave until she put them all away. It took me whipping out a book (showing I was still there but she wasn't getting any attention) for her to figure out that just putting her socks away was really the easiest thing to do. Last night she dropped all her stuffed pandas on the floor and wouldn't put them away. I told her I'd come back to read her bedtime story once she put them away instead of throwing them on the floor. She pitched a fit for a few minutes until I went back in and we put them away together.

    Good times.

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  • MayDayGirlMayDayGirl member
    It does Get easier, but IMO it will probably get worse first sorry!. My easy going 4 yo is definitely testing limits like he never has before. And yours needs to know you aren't going anywhere, so it might last a bit.

    But life will get easier! I hope you gave yourself low expectations in the meantime :
    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • DaisyZHDaisyZH member
    No advice, just wanted to say love your blog and that you guys are already such amazing parents, I know you've been through so much change in the last few days.  Hang in there, that is a hard age!


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker}



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  • lizlemon2lizlemon2 member
    Thank you for the reassurance.  It is nice to hear.  I have dealt with other people's children's for years, and intellectually know it is normal given ages and all they have been through.  But it is different when you are the parent and they are your kid, and crying for someone else.  It is just heart-breaking.
    Adoption Blog Updated 2/15
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  • IRRIRR member
    No advice, but enjoy it all.
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    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


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  • magenta173magenta173
    hang in there! I've had my 3 year old foster daughter for 14 months, and the first night I had her she cried the entire night. she also went through a lot of adjusting, which included having a harder time developing a relationship with me than my DH because of her situation. There were some nights when after I put her to bed, I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry. There are days when it is still hard, but they are fewer than before. She is the love of my life! We are hoping for TPR in January. 
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