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I finally made myself go.

a&aw12707a&aw12707 member
in Late Term and Child Loss
DH and I went to visit Mason's grave yesterday. It was the first time I had been there since his service. I'm not sure why I decided I needed to go right then. I'm also not sure if or when I'll be able to go back.
This has been such a hard week and the ones ahead aren't going to be any easier. Losing this pregnancy and undergoing the DnC when I should have been having Mason was so, so difficult. It brought back so much of the guilt and heartache.

Ladies, thank you all. This board is so amazing, plus it is so nice to know I am not alone.

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Re: I finally made myself go.

  • calibride2005calibride2005 member
    ((Hugs))
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers image Me - 41 DH - 28 **** Proud mom to Christopher, dob 7/15/92 **** Nathaniel dob 1/18/05 -1/18/05 (8 mos) in heaven **** bfp 8/26/10 m/c 10/14/10 at 7 wks. **** D&C 10/15/10 **** Cycles 1-4 BFN's **** Cycle #5 - 100 mg Clomid **** IUI #1 - 04/23/11 and 4/24/11 - 5/8/11 IUI #1 = BFFN BFP 10/14/11 - EDD 6/22/12** Stick little one Stick! Athena Jane 5/31/12 - 8/28/12
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  • fluttergirlmoonchild79fluttergirlmoonchild79 member
    I'm so sorry.  The first visit is rough.  I remember trying to avoid it thinking it would somehow be easier later - which it wasn't.  I finally told myself (and is a mantra I use a lot) that "we've experienced the worst, nothing else is anything."  The first time was really, really hard.  Then it was ok for a while, then the engraving was done on his stone and it was hard again - made it more permanent.  Now I go quite a bit.  Sometimes when I need a good cry, sometimes when I just miss him and on special days.  I sometimes go by myself.  Sometimes with DH and sometimes with our dog too.  You are not alone.  If you don't go again or for a while, it's ok.  If you do, that's ok too.  Our babies are in heaven all playing with each other.  Wishing you peace and love.

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

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    corbinsmommy.blogspot.com


     

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  • jbranden12jbranden12 member
    ((hugs)) please don't feel guilty, you haven't done anything wrong.


      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
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  • Bayberry12Bayberry12 member
    just sending you lots of hugs
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011 
    BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012 
    BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012
    BFP #4 April 2013 - mc May 2013
    BFP #5 Sept. 2013 - EDD 5.24.14
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  • OSUWifey09OSUWifey09 member
    Was thinking of you all weekend - lots of hugs from me, too.
    ________________________________________________________________________________


    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

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  • EcoStreetEcoStreet member
    I can understand that this is hard, but I believe that with time your anxiety will lessen. We chose to cremate our daughter and i keep her ashes in a little heart shape box.
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  • starburst0928starburst0928
    It's tough. I go to just cry. It's a good think I'm mentally stable because a large part of me just wants to dig him up and take him home!
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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