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Parenting
Disneygeek77
member
Did your mom play with you as a child ?
Disneygeek77
member
in Parenting
When I say play, did your mom actually get down on the floor and play dolls, house, doctor or play with you like she did when she was a child ?
I am just curious. DD4 constantly asks me to play with her and I do, trust me. We play with paper dolls, grocery store, pirates, princess and all sorts of other stuff. However, it seems like it is never enough. Whenever I tell her that I need to clean or that I need a break, she gets so upset and I subsequently feel guilty for telling her " no." I suppose I feel that she will only remember the times I tell her no and not the times I do play with her.
I thought about it and I realized I don't remember my mom playing with me and I still had a wonderful childhood. Let to my own devices, my imagination ran wild and I have great memories of imaging my room / house / yard as a giant city that held many adventures for me. My husband doesn't remember his mom playing with him much either.
I don't know. Maybe I play with my daughter too much and now she is dependent on me now.
So I suppose my questions are... Do you remember your mom playing with you and do you play with your children ?
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Re: Did your mom play with you as a child ?
I think there needs to be a balance. My kids get play independently a lot. But we also get down and play frequently.
This.
Yes.
But she also made me have time that I could play by myself. I do thinking learning how to entertain yourself is a skill that needs to be learned, and as I teach elementary school--I realize that less and less kids know how to entertain themselves--even for 5 minutes.
I also had lots of play dates, went out a lot, but my mom did make sure that I had some time to myself every day for me to play without her. Not a lot of time--but about 30 minutes or so.
No. My mom HATES toys, she hates mess. She's just not a "kid" person. She is an awesome grandma, but her idea of spending quality time with the boys is playing on her iPad. If they dump legos in the living room, she puts them right back away and won't let them play with them. (this makes me crazy cause its MY freaking house!)
My mom was asking me for ideas for the boys and I told her its OKAY if she buys them toys and fun stuff.
My MIL is totally the opposite! She is ALWAYS down on their level playing and encouraging them to use their imaginations.
I try to have a good middle ground, between my mom and MIL. I love to play with them. But they also need to learn to do things on their own.
I remember making shrinky dinks, homemade playdough, and baking with her. I don't remember her sitting on the floor to play with me.
I do try to play with DS, but he much prefers to play by himself. He gets upset when I move his toys the wrong way or if I open something that he wanted to open. He does enjoy destroying block towers that I build. He also enjoys sitting and reading with us every night, so we never skip that. I hope that as he gets older that he will want to play with me and DH more.
No. My mom was a good mom in many respects, and not-so-good in others. This is the not-so-good areas.
My dad played with us, though. And my older sister, who is 6 years older than me, played with me too.
I don't remember being sad that my mom didn't play with me, I just remember that it wasn't even something I thought about asking her. I already knew she wouldn't. It wasn't that she said "no"... I just didn't ask.
My mom also worked a lot/crazy hours, and she was battling some pretty severe depression, so I imagine that played a role.
Yes, my mom played with me a lot.
I don't have many memories of it, because when I learned the most was when I was playing alone outside or with new neighbor kids, and those are the times that I remember.
I do remember when I learned new things that she showed me.
I don't expect LO to remember all the time I've spent playing with him. That is bonding time, but not really a time when his brain is the most stimulated. I expect as he grows, his memories will be more of the discoveries he made on his own or the instances when I was teaching him something new, and even then, my memories of tying my shoes for example are of when I finally discovered how to do it on my own, not of my mom teaching me.
Just because you don't remember doesn't mean she didn't! I think both times are equally important for our children: time with us and time to play independently.
A million times this.
I'm going to say no. She read to me a lot, she played the piano and sang songs for me, but I can't remember her getting down on the floor and playing legos or barbie with me.
That being said, my sister is 8 years older than me and she played with me A LOT. So maybe my mom never felt like she had to?
I try to play with DS when I can, but I get 1) a little bored and 2) a little frustrated since he doesn't let me play with anything when we play together. I usually have to sit there and watch. But he is getting better at imaginative play (just yesterday we had a picnic!) so that I can get into. I feel bad when I get up to do laundry, clean, check my phone, etc, but in all honesty, it helps my sanity.
I lived with my mom as an "only" child til I was 7. I don't recall her playing with me much. Then she lost custody of me and I moved to my dad, brother and 2 step siblings. Us kids played amongst ourselves.
Board games and cards. but she did like to dress and
undress dolls with me.
When I was 4 we lived in a neighborhood that was turning.
And not for the good. My mom didn't want us trick or
treating. So she threw on a white sheet turned off the
lights, held a flashlight underneath the sheet, and chased
my brother and me around the house.
I think about how cool that was. I wish I had told her.
I don't know about when we were really little but not a ton that I can remember. She was always there and would read to us and all that but between having siblings and her running a home daycare I always had other kids to play with so that is probably the main factor in why I didn't seek her out to play with.
I feel like DS is always wanting me to play with him and I do but it is tiring. I wish he had a sibling to help keep him entertained more. I just remind myself this time is fleeting and that whatever I think is more important than playing puzzles for the 18th time, it isn't really.
DH is 42, and I'm almost 36. We play with DD a ton. I don't think age is really factor. I think it's more about individual personalities.
My parents did a lot with us. I don't have specific memories of my Mom playing with me the way the OP described, but I remember playing board games and reading as a family. My Dad is musical, so I remember us singing silly songs together a lot. I have seen pictures of me as a toddler playing with my Mom. So, I guess she did/they did.
They were good parents, even if I can't remember very specific examples of us playing together.
Way too fast, trust me.
Wow. I was going to say this exact same thing.
I did have a wonderful father, and I do remember him playing with us, often.
No. She did read to me though. My mom had untreated (until I was a teenager) major depression my whole life, so I can't really blame her.
I think there should be a balance, but I don't think not playing with your kids is all THAT bad. I was far younger than my siblings, so I had no one to play with at home. I think it helped me develop a rich imagination and encouraged me to cultivate my own interests. IMO, kids need independent play as much as they need memories of their parents getting down on the floor and playing with them.
I did not live with my mother until I was 10, but she never played or engaged me in activities.
My grandparents who raised me until I was 10 did play with me. My grandmother used to bring home the sears catalog and we would cut out people and clothing and make our own paper dolls and accessories.
My grandfather would set up a kiddie pool for me in the summer time and the sprinkler and we would run through it and splash out all the water.
I loved playing with them but I also had to learn to play by myself as well. Maybe that is where your daughter is now, learning some boundaries for play time?
My mom never played with us. Ever. I do not want to be like my mother for this, and many other reasons.
I do remember my dad playing with us pretty regularly. Even when they were divorced.
My dad was the one who got down and played with us. Me, I don't get asked to play a lot, my kids really do like to play on their own. When they ask, because it's so infrequent, I come play. Right now K and S are playing underneath my chair.
LOL No. My friends who are older like me talk about how we don't remember our moms doing anything super hands on with us all the time like moms are expected to do today. My mom was busy cleaning, cooking, watching her soaps and talking on the phone, while telling me whatever I was interrupting her with better be important (it rarely was).
I turned out ok. I try to remember this when the mommy guilt kicks in that I'm not doing crafts or baking homemade cookies or playing cars endlessly with my kids. They do a great job play independently together.
I do play with my kids but I also try to let them have independent time.
I'm surprised so many of you remember being little and playing with your parents. I don't remember much of my childhood. I have more clear memories when I was around 8 and 9, at that age I played with myself or my brother.
::shrugs::
“I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year.” - Bette Davis
Yep, this was my situation too. I don't really feel like I missed out on anything; my mom preferred to take me places or teach me how to bake. Getting down on the floor to play dolls was just not her style.
I play with DD whenever I can muster up the energy. We're a busy family and by the time we manage to spend time at home, both DD and myself like to veg in front of the TV or with a stack of books to read. She just got some really cool new toys for her birthday. Some truly big girl toys and I'm excited to play with them with her.
I don't remember her playing with us.
She did everything else (cooking, making afternoon snack, eating cookies and milk with us after school, helping with homework, volunteering in the classroom, making homemade playdoh, etc.) but the only thing I remember is that she let us do her hair and makeup from time to time. My dad was the one who really got down on the floor and played with us. Or we played with each other.
Gonna be the nth person to quote this. My mom was a SAHM with housekeepers, so I wonder a lot how she spent her time while my siblings and I played with each other, but I also understand that not every parent is a "kid" type of person who has it in them to get down and play with the kids. I don't necessarily hold this against her or think I was damaged from that, though. I think looking back on it she was really overwhelmed by us most of the time.
My dad played with us seemingly every opportunity he got, though, and it was such a special thing to me that I still cherish those memories. I want both DH and me to be like my dad and for DD to feel like she's important to me, rather than just some annoying thing that's preventing me from getting housework done and getting to where we're going on time. I don't think that means necessarily "playing" with them so much as just spending some attention on them. Whether that's reading to them, letting them "help" with your housework (even if that makes it take longer), or helping them with their homework, it's the quality of the time rather than exactly how you spend it that matters. My dad liked to play, and that's great. My mom liked to spend as little time with us as possible.
Yes.
I play with my kids. I don't all day though. They play together a lot. I try to nurture their play times and don't try to butt in just because I think I should be playing with them. When they bring me toys/explicitly ask me to play I play. When they are playing solo, I encourage that too. I think all three types of play (sibling/solo/with mom) are equally as important and I encourage them all equally.
If my DD brings me a tea cup in the middle of dishes because she wants to have a tea party I stop what I'm doing for 5 minutes to have a tea party with her. I have no problems/guilt leaving the kids to play by themselves for 20 minutes while I get something done though.
I don't remember much of anything before attending kindergarten, so I can't really know if my mom 'played' with me as a pre-five year old. I assume she did.
I do remember lots of card games, board games, we skied together, we did a lot of hiking, canoeing....lots of shared activities. Frankly, we still do. Yesterday she (she's 71) took my 5 year old out cross country skiing.
My best friend lived next door. We spent so much time together playing without adult direction or even supervision (god bless the 70s). The neighbourhood was filled with kids as well. My clear memories of playing involve other kids, not my mom.
My mom was (still is) an awesome mom.
My mom stayed at home and was in some way very nailed, but I don't really remember playing with her. I have 3 siblings and there were a ton of neighbor kids as far back as I can remember. So, maybe I just don't remember the time when she did okay with me or maybe it never happened.
I wish she had played with me more. I don't feel at all close to her, and I feel like it could have been prevented if she'd taken more interest in me.