Awkward Topic

dreadiemama · December 2012

So H and I have always loved the name Jaeya. Seriously, I adore it, and really wanted to name my first kid this.

Now the (possibly) awkward part. This isn't my first pregnancy... the first one ended in a m/c and we started calling the baby "Jaeya" right away, since it's a gender neutral name.

Is it wrong/weird/insensitive to name this kid Jaeya, even though we had it picked out for his/her older sibling originally?

We are bouncing other names around but I just wanted to hear some opinions on this.

CeCe8579 · December 2012

I've had 4 losses. Courtney, Augusta, Jennings and Isabella. I love all the names but needed to name my angels for closure so I don't think I could use them again. However, I don't think it would be weird. Think of it as a memorial!

plunderb · December 2012

I'm sorry for your loss.

Really, I think all that matters in this situation is what you and your partner feel comfortable with. If you're both fine with using the name, don't ditch it because you think you should.

As an interesting note, I study colonial America, and it was very, very common for children to have the same name as a deceased sibling. It may seem strange to someone now, but that hasn't always been the case.

erzsi1 · December 2012

What kind of name is Jaeya? Just curious. Like what's the origin, meaning, etc.

It's fine to use the name to me..if the name is so special, I think it's meant to be used. You can always use variants

And I'm very sorry for the loss.

tmrchi · December 2012

CabbageCabbage:
I think it's a personal choice. It depends on whether Jaeya feels like "that" baby's name or if it feels like "your" baby's name. As long as you feel good about it, it's fine.

I agree with this.

dreadiemama · December 2012

erzsi1:
What kind of name is Jaeya? Just curious. Like what's the origin, meaning, etc. It's fine to use the name to me..if the name is so special, I think it's meant to be used. You can always use variants And I'm very sorry for the loss.

It's sanskrit and means "victory." It also happens to be a combination of both mine and my husband's names: Aya and Jaedon (old hebrew spelling of Jaden.)

DaisyZH · December 2012

dreadiemama:
erzsi1:
What kind of name is Jaeya? Just curious. Like what's the origin, meaning, etc. It's fine to use the name to me..if the name is so special, I think it's meant to be used. You can always use variants And I'm very sorry for the loss.
It's sanskrit and means "victory." It also happens to be a combination of both mine and my husband's names: Aya and Jaedon (old hebrew spelling of Jaden.)

I think it would be very appropriate to use it, especially considering the meaning of the name. As a PP said, it is also a nice remembrance. I'm so sorry for your loss.

alphalyrae · December 2012

Usually when I hear of this situation, I privately think that if you've named your child who has passed on, regardless of how early in the pregnancy/their life, that I wouldn't use their name. However, in this case, because of the meaning of Jaeya and because it's a combination of you and your DH's names, I truly think it's a beautiful name and very fitting. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope that even if Jaeya isn't your child's name after all, that you find an equally beautiful name.

bananers · December 2012

CabbageCabbage:
I had a miscarriage as well. I am so sorry for your loss.
I think it's a personal choice. It depends on whether Jaeya feels like "that" baby's name or if it feels like "your" baby's name. As long as you feel good about it, it's fine.

Exactly this. I am sorry for your loss.

Elsa1984 · December 2012

I, personally would not use the name if I was calling my other unborn baby by the name. I would feel like the baby I miscarried "had" that name.....regardless if he/she was born or how far along in the pregnancy I was. I would find a new name that I loved for each baby.

I have a friend that got pregnant in high school and miscarried. They always called the unborn baby "Gretchen Hope". A decade or so later, after failed marriages, the couple got back together and had a daughter named "Gretchen Hope". It is well known among everyone that "Gretchen is named after the baby we miscarried many years ago." I feel slightly bad for Gretchen when she gets older and when talking about names with others says she got the name of her sibling that passed.....if it was me, I would feel like my parents gave me that name because they were mourning the "Gretchen" they never got in the first pregnancy, and "replacing" the first Gretchen with me.

But that is just me and the way I feel. You may feel different. Think about your own name and how you would feel if it was the name your parents had for a baby they miscarried. If you have no problem with it and still want to use Jaeya, then do it! But if you have bad feeling about how you would feel if you found out your name was your parents miscarried baby's name....then I would look for something else.

i am deeply sorry for your loss

starshineamator · December 2012

bananers:
CabbageCabbage:
I had a miscarriage as well. I am so sorry for your loss.
I think it's a personal choice. It depends on whether Jaeya feels like "that" baby's name or if it feels like "your" baby's name. As long as you feel good about it, it's fine.
Exactly this. I am sorry for your loss.

I agree with the above as well. I personally have had a name for this baby girl in my head since before I even confirmed the pregnancy, because it was just "her" name, and if anything had happened, I wouldn't have been able to even consider the name for any future babies because it was just hers already, before I even knew for sure she existed or that she was a she. If that makes sense. So I personally can't see reusing a name like that. Will you always think of your other baby if you call this baby the same thing? Will it make you sad to call your child instead of happy? A PP made a good point about explaining it to your child someday, how their name came to be, and if that would be difficult for you or you would feel bad telling them that they were named the same thing as their older sibling, or if they might feel like they are just meant to be a replacement for that baby... all important things to consider..

Sorry to hear about your loss.

ObLaDi · December 2012

Elsa1984:
I, personally would not use the name if I was calling my other unborn baby by the name. I would feel like the baby I miscarried "had" that name.....regardless if he/she was born or how far along in the pregnancy I was. I would find a new name that I loved for each baby.

I agree with this.

That said, this is obviously a very personal decision that only you and your husband can make. I'm sorry for your loss.

dreadiemama · December 2012

Thanks for all the replies. There is definitely a lot to consider...

At first I would have thought "yes, that name was specific to my first pregnancy;" However, now that I've had some time to accept the loss I really don't think so. We had the name picked out years before I even got pregnant so it wasn't completely specific. ATM I view it almost as people who call their unborn babies peanut, or bean. If that makes any sense.

One of my peeves with western culture is the rigid structure of it. I have great respect for societies that accept (if not encourage) the children to name themselves. With any of my future kids if they choose to change their name later on I will accept that. Granted, I'm on talking "I want my name to be princess kitty sunshine" from a 4 year old... but as a teenager or young adult.

I really enjoyed the post about how in colonial time it was common to name younger siblings after other ones that passed. Maybe I'm selfish and naive but after hearing that it made me think of how we also like the name Alexander. It was my grandpa's name but that doesn't mean I'm replacing him with my (maybe) son.

I'm just kind of thinking out loud here.

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