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Babies on the Brain
Husband has Baby Fever and I Don't
My husband and I have been married 2 months and he is completely baby crazy! I want kids but would like to wait a little while. Problem is I can't make him understand this. His parents aren't helping the situation either. They constantly ask when we are gonna have a baby. We are young. I am about to be 24 and he is only 22. We have waited 3 years to finally get married. I want to enjoy us for a little while. How do I help him to understand this?
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Re: Husband has Baby Fever and I Don't
You tell him "we just got married and I'm not ready for kids yet. Let's revisit this topic in a year".
Definitely give him a time frame when you think you will be ready or at least ready to talk about. Give him a list of all your reasons and what has to be worked on and taken care of before you'll consider it.
That's what I did when I was in your situation a few years back.
Me: 27 Dh: 35 Testing Begins 3/5/13
Six SA's show DH has low numbers across the board = severe MFI
Genetic testing for me = MTHFR+, also carrier for blood clotting disorder Otherwise all else normal
Dh's karotype= Normal!!
Made a list of what he wants to have accomplished before TTC.
Assured me he Does want kids, just not right now.
What he could do that would help me even more:
Give a date a few months out of when you can talk again and see if things have changed.
Give a tentative timeline of when you will be ready to try, like Fall 3013
I hope this helps coming from someone who relates to how he feels currently!
My Ovulation Chart Simple Link: My Ovulation Chart
My husband gave me a "timeline" so to speak a few years ago. I thought he was crazy, and that we could never wait that long. I definitely had different idea of when we should have our first baby, but low and behold here we are on his "timeline". We've been married for four years, and there's thing we wouldn't have been able to do we wouldn't have do on my "timeline". I love that we've had time to enjoy being married and have enjoyed time together as two, but we are both kind of ready to add to our family. We're at the ready or not here we come stage now. Good luck! Don?t worry about anyone outside of you two. My parents have wanted us to have children for years now, but it?s not been right for US.
My husband and I have been together for over a decade and he knew I never wanted children. He always kind of wanted kids, then as we grew older seemed to kind of want them more. However, his ultimate statement on the matter was that he wants what I want. If that means no kids, it means no kids. If I change my mind and we're in our 40s and unable to have them naturally, we can look into other options.
A few years ago, I went from not wanting kids to kind of being open to the idea. I didn't say *anything* for a year because I didn't want to bring something into play if it was only a whim. After a year, I decided to tell him that I didn't necessarily want kids, but I didn't necessarily *not* want them at this point, either. He said he only wants what will make me happy.
This kind of conversation went on for awhile, and though my husband is typically an open book, I've known with each conversation that he has kept his cards close to his chest because he felt at some point I would change my mind back to not wanting kids. He has consistently said he wants kids if I want kids, but he just wants me to be happy. I truly believe he'll be happy without kids, but I also believe he has always wanted kids and would be ecstatic to have at least one. I recently said let's wait another year and I think then there's a possibility I might be ready.
A few nights ago, kind of out of the blue, he said he knows I said let's wait another year but he's okay with trying now. I kind of had a little freak out, and of course he was totally calm about it (I'm sure he knew it would happen). I went over the same list of fears I have about having kids (about a mile long), and after listening to them for the millionth time, he said, "Let me just ask you...do you see any joy in having children? Do you think there's any joy in raising kids?"
I said, "That's my point. I know there's joy, but does it outweigh the misery? And after all these years, after all I know and have witnessed with my friends having kids and mostly being miserable...I still think I want them. It's extremely frustrating." I know it's even more frustrating for him now, because he was finally honest and said he'd like to try now. We're financially comfortable and would have tons of support. Everyone we know says we'd be great parents, particularly that he'd be an amazing father. I just don't know if I'm ready.
I'm worried that my biological clock is trying to outsmart me. I also worry that I'm overthinking it all.
Having said all that...You guys are young and have plenty of great times ahead of you. Enjoy being young and married, enjoy your 20-something lifestyles (and your 20-something body, lol). You'll have lots of holidays and good times at home with children in your future.