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Husband can't calm baby

akrajnyakrajny member
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months

I feel really bad.  My husband can't seem to calm our son down ever and he gets really sad and feels helpless at times.  He holds him how I hold him and does everything I would do but he won't calm down.  When i take him he fortunately calms down in just a few seconds.  It's really starting to pay a toll on my husband and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this with their significant others as well.  I tried to explain to him that baby was in my womb for 9 months and I'm home with him all day and he's just used to me.

 

if anyone has had this happen...did you find anything to help it?  Or will they just eventually y get in sync?  I see how upset my husband gets and it just breaks my heart.  He never loses his temper thank god, but I know it's killing him.

 

please help! 

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Re: Husband can't calm baby

  • DavidStampsDavidStamps member

    As a husband and a father here are my two cents...

    He needs to learn his own ways to calm and soothe your little one. The way my wife calms our son is 100% different then what I do and my son responds to us differently. He simply needs to spend time with your LO without you around and from there he will learn what works and does not work for them. My wife will soosh and rock our son back and forth and he is super chill. Me, I blast Pandora and dance with him most nights, some nights...we walk up and down the stairs until I'm crazy sweaty and my son is limp in my arms. My wife won't do either, but understands that these work for us. AND I would have never known this had I not tested and tried them out. 

    Encourage him to try some things and be patience, BUT do not try to teach him to do exactly what you do...everything doesn't work for everyone AND he will appreciate having his own ritual with his kid.

    Hope this helps!

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  • LuvSDLuvSD member
    imageDavidStamps:

    As a husband and a father here are my two cents...

    He needs to learn his own ways to calm and soothe your little one. The way my wife calms our son is 100% different then what I do and my son responds to us differently. He simply needs to spend time with your LO without you around and from there he will learn what works and does not work for them. My wife will soosh and rock our son back and forth and he is super chill. Me, I blast Pandora and dance with him most nights, some nights...we walk up and down the stairs until I'm crazy sweaty and my son is limp in my arms. My wife won't do either, but understands that these work for us. AND I would have never known this had I not tested and tried them out. 

    Encourage him to try some things and be patience, BUT do not try to teach him to do exactly what you do...everything doesn't work for everyone AND he will appreciate having his own ritual with his kid.

    Hope this helps!

     All of this is great advice. Whenever my DH takes C to try to calm her down I usually leave the room and let the two of them figure it out. Granted there have been times where I am sitting in the other rooming hearing C cry knowing I could go grab her and calm her down but that will not help DH in the long run. Give them time to figure it out. They will find there rhythm soon.

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  • persephonerosepersephonerose member
    I second walking away.  It was very difficult for me to let my son cry in the beginning. But walking out of the room and allowing DH to figure out what works for him really helped. DH was less stressed without me hovering and without the pressure of me watching and waiting he was able to figure out ways to calm down our son.
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  • akrajnyakrajny member
    imageDavidStamps:

    As a husband and a father here are my two cents...

    He needs to learn his own ways to calm and soothe your little one. The way my wife calms our son is 100% different then what I do and my son responds to us differently. He simply needs to spend time with your LO without you around and from there he will learn what works and does not work for them. My wife will soosh and rock our son back and forth and he is super chill. Me, I blast Pandora and dance with him most nights, some nights...we walk up and down the stairs until I'm crazy sweaty and my son is limp in my arms. My wife won't do either, but understands that these work for us. AND I would have never known this had I not tested and tried them out. 

    Encourage him to try some things and be patience, BUT do not try to teach him to do exactly what you do...everything doesn't work for everyone AND he will appreciate having his own ritual with his kid.

    Hope this helps!

     

    thank you! This is what I have been trying to tell him.  He always asks how I get him to calm down and I told him just because it woks for me doesn't mean it will for him.  Thanks again... 

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  • akrajnyakrajny member

    imagepersephonerose:
    I second walking away.  It was very difficult for me to let my son cry in the beginning. But walking out of the room and allowing DH to figure out what works for him really helped. DH was less stressed without me hovering and without the pressure of me watching and waiting he was able to figure out ways to calm down our son.

     

    thanks to both of you.  I think this is the hardest part.  I try to ignore and get things done in the other part of the house.  Someone suggested that I take a half day to myself to let him be alone with him.  Even though he knows I would never judge him he may feel on edge when I'm around.  Maybe getting out of the house and letting them have their bonding time might help. 

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  • akrajnyakrajny member
    T
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  • Lesh4537Lesh4537
    You may also consider letting your husband help feed your son if you bottle feed. That was something that helped my husband and son bond. Your husband should try skin-to-skin with your son too.
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  • christinasullie37christinasullie37 member
    I have the same problem but just the opposite.  My hubby can calm my LO and I seem not to be able to.  It is so frustrating especially when I am also dealing with PPD/PPA.  I agree with pp, he has to learn his own way, and do I.  What works for you may not work for him.  Let him find his own way to soothe your LO.
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  • KisstyKissty member
    Well, Dh is still working on it.  I have gone back to work so I'm not there during the day.  By the time I do get home LO is so tired and DH is ready to run.  Hopefully, they will get it worked out.  They are both trying.  Could it be DH is tense? I think that may be our problem and he is really working on it but it's not going easily.  Good luck to you both.

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  • sadsadiesadsadie
    My husband is actually better at calming DS than I am (he has no boob and therefore has to be more creative). You just have to trust DH, he will find his own way. Put your confidence in him, praise him for his efforts and it will come. 
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  • littlemac1117littlemac1117 member
    imageDavidStamps:

    As a husband and a father here are my two cents...

    He needs to learn his own ways to calm and soothe your little one. The way my wife calms our son is 100% different then what I do and my son responds to us differently. He simply needs to spend time with your LO without you around and from there he will learn what works and does not work for them. My wife will soosh and rock our son back and forth and he is super chill. Me, I blast Pandora and dance with him most nights, some nights...we walk up and down the stairs until I'm crazy sweaty and my son is limp in my arms. My wife won't do either, but understands that these work for us. AND I would have never known this had I not tested and tried them out. 

    Encourage him to try some things and be patience, BUT do not try to teach him to do exactly what you do...everything doesn't work for everyone AND he will appreciate having his own ritual with his kid.

    Hope this helps!

    Yes

    Its so hard to see them both upset, but you really just have to step back and let them figure out their own way to be together. Your H is going to find completely different ways to soothe your baby, and you will each have your own tricks. I definitely think its a good idea for them to have time together without you there. (The perfect time for you to take a bath or shower and pamper yourself!) Good luck, you guys will all fall into a little groove eventually. :)

    A woman's life is nine parts mess to one part magic, you'll learn that soon enough...and the parts that look like magic turn out to be the messiest of all.
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