Who's Waiting?

victoria+james · December 2012

If you were ready to TTC before YH, how long did you wait until he was ready?
I've been waiting 1 year and 3 months so far.

KenziK · December 2012

I'm still waiting! I asked him when he thought we would start trying 12/16/11 (yes I know the exact date because it turned into one of the biggest fights we've ever had Sad

). So I've been waiting going on a year, and have a feeling I'll be waiting a while longer. I don't think my DH will ever be completely ready though, so he's just going to have to bite the bullet eventually. Has YH given you any idea of when he will be ready?

annieb627 · December 2012

We've been married for a little over 2 years. I'm getting closer to being ready, but my DH isn't even thinking about it. He says he'll be ready in 2 years, but I know that I'll be ready in 6 months to a year.

How have you handled being ready before YH?

victoria+james · December 2012

KenziK:
I'm still waiting! I asked him when he thought we would start trying 12/16/11 yes I know the exact date because it turned into one of the biggest fights we've ever had [:]. So I've been waiting going on a year, and have a feeling I'll be waiting a while longer. I don't think my DH will ever be completely ready though, so he's just going to have to bite the bullet eventually. Has YH given you any idea of when he will be ready?

There is always a reason. We need to have our credit cards paid off, we need more money in savings, I need to be with my company longer, we need to wait until the court case is finished and that's been going on for over s year already too! He says he wants a family, but his actions say he doesn't.

victoria+james · December 2012

annieb627:
We've been married for a little over 2 years. nbsp;I'm getting closer to being ready, but my DH is still not ready. He says he'll be ready in 2 years, but I know that I'll be ready in 6 months to a year.nbsp;How have you handled being ready before YH?

I haven't handled it very well...
The good: I planned our honeymoon and did some interior decorating. I have saved money like a mad woman and paid off all of my credit cards.
The bad: I bring it up all the time. Usually not even meaning to, its just the only thing I think about! It's the cause of our biggest arguments. Even the small disagreements tie back to it.
I've tried so hard to enjoy life when I can, but its been the worst year emotionally for me.

annieb627 · December 2012

I've heard from quite a few friends that they were ready before their DH's. I think it's relatively common. I think it's easier to know whether you want kids than it is to actually take the step towards being like "yep, we're TTC." Maybe that's the hold up for dudes?

annieb627 · December 2012

victoria+james:
annieb627:
We've been married for a little over 2 years. nbsp;I'm getting closer to being ready, but my DH is still not ready. He says he'll be ready in 2 years, but I know that I'll be ready in 6 months to a year.nbsp;How have you handled being ready before YH?
I haven't handled it very well... The good: I planned our honeymoon and did some interior decorating. I have saved money like a mad woman and paid off all of my credit cards. The bad: I bring it up all the time. Usually not even meaning to, its just the only thing I think about! It's the cause of our biggest arguments. Even the small disagreements tie back to it. I've tried so hard to enjoy life when I can, but its been the worst year emotionally for me.

Has your DH given you any indication on when he thinks he will be ready? Or is he just in the "I don't want to discuss this" mode? I've read some articles about this and they usually say something like "enjoy non-baby life now" ... but I don't see how that can be helpful at a time when you know you're ready to have a baby.

MommaDall · December 2012

Our situation was the other way around. He was ready, I wasn't. I gave him specific reasons I wasn't ready and things I wanted to have happen before we got pregnant. Sort of like a before getting pregnant checklist. Your DH needs to be realistic and realize that not everything is going to be 100% perfect at any point in your lives.

annieb627 · December 2012

MommaDall:
Our situation was the other way around. He was ready, I wasn't. I gave him specific reasons I wasn't ready and things I wanted to have happen before we got pregnant. Sort of like a before getting pregnant checklist. What are his reasons for wanting to wait?

If it's too personal you totally don't have to answer. I'm going to be nosy though and ask What were your reasons for wanting to wait? How did your DH handle being ready when you weren't ready yet?

Bebuh · December 2012

I hear ya. Ive been waiting on my DH for almost 2 years now, and it looks like i'll be waiting at least 2 more. His reasons are:

1. I need a retirement account before we have a baby. He has one thru his work, but he wants one for me on top of our 6 months savings in the bank.

2. He wants to travel and spend money on "fun stuff" before all our spare time and money goes towards a baby.

3. He says he isnt ready to share me with a baby. He wants more time for just the 2 of us.

We've been married for 3 years, together for 5, and I wanted to have a baby at 27. The way things are going, it'll be closer to 28 or 29. But in the end, although I reeeeeeally want to get pregnant, I married my husband because I love him and want to spend my life with him. I didnt marry him just for his sperm. So I will sit back and wait until he's ready, because I'd much rather be a united force in this as in all things, then drive a wedge between us for the sake of time.

victoria+james · December 2012

annieb627:
victoria+james:
annieb627:
We've been married for a little over 2 years. nbsp;I'm getting closer to being ready, but my DH is still not ready. He says he'll be ready in 2 years, but I know that I'll be ready in 6 months to a year.nbsp;How have you handled being ready before YH?

I haven't handled it very well...
The good: I planned our honeymoon and did some interior decorating. I have saved money like a mad woman and paid off all of my credit cards.
The bad: I bring it up all the time. Usually not even meaning to, its just the only thing I think about! It's the cause of our biggest arguments. Even the small disagreements tie back to it.
I've tried so hard to enjoy life when I can, but its been the worst year emotionally for me.
Has your DH given you any indication on when he thinks he will be ready? Or is he just in the "I don't want to discuss this" mode?  I've read some articles about this and they usually say something like "enjoy non-baby life now" ... but I don't see how that can be helpful at a time when you know you're ready to have a baby.

He always says he will be ready whenever "this certain thing" is done. But that "thing" changes all the time. Or if its something like credit card debt I worked hard to pay mine off... But he's paying the minimum payment plus 50 or something. I've told him we don't have to try Right Now but that it would help me and put my mind at ease if we set a tentative date like "in June we'll" try or something!

MommaDall · December 2012

annieb627:
MommaDall:
Our situation was the other way around. He was ready, I wasn't. I gave him specific reasons I wasn't ready and things I wanted to have happen before we got pregnant. Sort of like a before getting pregnant checklist. What are his reasons for wanting to wait?
If it's too personal you totally don't have to answer. I'm going to be nosy though and ask What were your reasons for wanting to wait? How did your DH handle being ready when you weren't ready yet?

I think it helped that he knew I truly wanted kids. I would always talk about situations like "someday when we have kids" and would talk about what to name our imaginary children. He was always respectful not to make me feel pressured but would joke about getting me knocked up. Making jokes has always been his way of coping with things when he is upset.

The reasons I wanted to wait included getting my diabetes under control (I'm a type 1 diabetic), weaning off some medication, getting out of our 1 bedroom condo in a bad neighborhood and paying off a credit card. I compromised on the condo issue because we were so under water on it. We ended up living there until DS was a few months old. He just roomed in with us and I would drive to a different neighborhood to take him for walks. It wasn't ideal but it worked.

anssett · December 2012

I feel like I've been waiting since I was 17. That's when I knew I wanted to be a mom, but I've been waiting for my own reasons (grad school, growing up, etc). Now I've found the man of my dreams and am dying to have babies with him. Our original target was this month (Dec). But there were a few more things both my sweetie and I wanted to take care of.

He's quit smoking (officially this month)

I'm getting promoted in Jan and want to adjust to that

I'm in a community theater musical in April then we have our wedding

We're going on our honeymoon with SCUBA diving in May/June (you can't be pregnant for that)

So July is the new target. I'm OK with these delays because they're partly adventures it'll be much harder to have post baby. If things get pushed past July I'll start getting anxious and impatient. I'm 32 (33 in Sept) and know full well it can take a year or longer to get pregnant. I'm getting close to scary 35-year old timescales and we are pretty sure we want 2 kids.

tlc35 · December 2012

My situation isn't exactly the same. We talked about waiting a year after we get married. We are getting married in May and I will be 36 in June and we also want 2 kids. If I were younger that timeline would seem perfect to me but now I am starting to worry about my age.

Cindal · December 2012

It was the opposite for us for a very long time. He was ready and I wasn't, back in 2006. I was completely against it at the time to the point that I would have taken action if it had happened accidentally. Which led to a knock down drag out fight between the two of us, that lasted off and on for days straight. It was horrible. I thought it was the end of our relationship. We actually had our first christmas card pictures taken minutes after one of the bouts, I'm really surprised you can't see the strain there. Then I started to get ready last year and he wasn't, which was a real mind fluck after the continuous off and on arguments over the years. But he came back around in about 6 months.

My reasons at the time were... we had only been dating for a little over a year and living with each for less than 6 months, we weren't married or even engaged, I was only 19 and couldn't even fathom having a kid at that age even though he was already 27, I hadn't finished my second book or gotten the first one self-published yet which was one of my major life goals I was afraid wouldn't happen if I had kids first; the other being a trip to Ireland. We were renting, his car wasn't paid off, and we were having the hardest time trying to get our puppy potty trained. The list really goes on and on for me. All of which has been taken care of.

His reasons most recently were he wanted more money and wanted to travel more. Which I then pointed out we were way better off now then we were back then.

I have to say try not to pressure too much, having been on the other end of the stick so to speak it was absolutely horrible and a huge strain on our relationship. If he hadn't of let up on the subject we probably wouldn't be happily married and ttc now almost 7 years later.

magdalina.h · December 2012

2 years. He told me while we were engaged that he wanted to wait 2 years so we did.

mrs riva · December 2012

*coming out of lurking*

I've been mentally/emotionally ready for at least a year. My H has been ready for probably ~6 months. But, financially, we both know we're not ready. We've got a year before he finishes school and are more financially stable. While we could pull off having a baby now, we both know it's best to wait.

I also know that I could end up waiting longer even after he's done with school. I'm sure he'll want to enjoy not being a student. I don't want to push him into having a baby before he's ready. I don't want to risk resentment or having a H who isn't 100% in it.

So for now, we'll keep talking about our someday kids and maybe by the time we're ready, he'll have finally convinced me that if we have a boy, we should name him Wolfgang.

I wish you all the best of luck in hanging in there!

*going back into lurking*

Ash61612 · December 2012

We are going to wait another 1 1/2 years to start TTC.

KenziK · December 2012

Little update on my situation: talked to DH Friday night about TTC. It started out with a lot of screaming and yelling and me crying, but we eventually both calmed down and he was able to stop talking and listen to me give my logical explanations for wanting to TTC in the near future. I think him being able to hear my train of thought instead of thinking I am just baby crazy and want one because all my other friends have one, it helped open his mind to the idea. I told him I really want to start trying this July, and I think he is warming up to the idea Wink

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