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A breakdown I hope someone will understand...(kinda long)

starrdiva211starrdiva211 member
in Preemies

... i am still in mourning over my pregnancy and looking at my handsome son, I feel bad for it. But truthfully, I do not think I gave myself a chance to really grieve for it because I had to put on this strong front for him while he was in the NICU. And now that he is out, I am not sure if I am allowed to.

Last week The beau and I were looking a show on TV (Tia and Tamera) and they kept showing Tia touching her sister's pregnant tummy and how when her husband got home he would rub her belly and I broke down. My beau didnt understand it but I told him that it was still fresh and it may be awhile before I wont have episodes like this. I went back to work for two days (before I put in for more leave) and it took everything in me not to breakdown and cry when I saw my pregnant co-worker (she was due a week after me). 

But the big breakdown came this afternoon. I was already having a not so great day at the SSI office and my sorority sister gave me a call. She let me know that her and my other sorority sister had made a decision to move my baby shower to January b/c so many on my invite list couldnt make it or gave other reasons. I broke down and was babbling that people simply didnt like me and that I had done something bad in my previous life etc. Then i told her that I wouldnt be having one at work either.  It is not the showers themselves I am upset about...  IT IS EVERYTHING I SEEMED TO HAVE MISSED DURING THE PREGNANCY. I have no pictures of myself pregnant, except the ones I took with my cell phone. The maternity pictures didnt happen, the baby moon, the beau getting to rub on my tummy all the time etc.  I just kept sobbing and asking what in the world did I do to gain this pregnancy/parenting experiencing. 

Thank you ladies for letting me get this off my chest. I just didnt truly expect it to hurt this bad... 

Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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Re: A breakdown I hope someone will understand...(kinda long)

  • sycardsycard

     

    HI,

    I never post or reply. But, I get you and its ok!

    I was seven weeks early and had a rough pregnancy Crying I never got to the big round belly or pictures. Also, was told I was having a boy on two different occasions. But, I found out the sonograms were wrong when I delivered out a wonderful baby girl. She was in the NICU for two weeks. Yesterday was my due date and I am still blaming myself for her being early and mourning the loss of being pregnant and not having a son.

    When I was pregnant I day dreamed about my life with a son. I was not disappointed to have a girl but I did feel sad about letting go of my son I had day dreamed about.

    Whatever you are feeling it?s ok to feel. Not everyone will understand but I do. Just take a deep breath and take it one day at a time. Do things to make yourself feel better, a mommy and son photo shoot, give the baby a welcome home party or just give your son a hug.

    Every mommy has a bad day, feels sad and overwhelmed at one point or another. And everyone has a breaking point.  If does not get better talk to your doctor you may have a little postpartum depression It will get better.

    Good Luck New Mommy Big Smile

     

     

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  • kelkel09kelkel09 member
    It's totally normal to feel this way. I still have these feelings a lot and my twins are 15 months old. Hang in there!
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  • starrdiva211starrdiva211 member

    imageSahara78:
    Like the PPs said, your feelings are very common! I feel sad about missing my third trimester & everything that goes along with it. I also struggle with jealousy of all my friends who went full-term. But these feelings are definitely not as strong as they were even a month or two ago. I also wanted to add, your son is still very young and (I assume) up quite a bit at night. I know for me, I felt much more emotional when suffering from sleep deprivation.

    Yes he is still very young (still in adjusted gestational age but 9 weeks actual) and getting up with him every three hours and dealing with his reflux at night too... My goodness

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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