Remember that couple that called wanting to adopt my boys? — The Bump
Adoption

Remember that couple that called wanting to adopt my boys?

OHMYGOD. Seriously. They called again, and I asked to know who referred them to me and she said that she works with my mom's cousin and she gave them my number, which is just bleh. You don't do that to family, right? So then I called my mom's cousin and chewed her out. She said she didn't see anything wrong with it, that, that couple sent out cards all the time letting people know they want to adopt and to let them know if somebody is placing their baby. I don't even have any words for how much they pissed me off. bleh. 

And this happened several days ago and I'm still pissed as hell. 

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Re: Remember that couple that called wanting to adopt my boys?

  • As I said in your last post about this, their behavior was appalling.  To give them the benefit of the doubt, however, this type of networking is often suggested by agencies, facilitators, and books for prospective parents who wish to avoid having to wait/pay for an agency or facilitator to find them a match.  The whole idea never sat well with me, as it leaves the door wide open for horrible behavior and coerrsion, and in this case the couple handled it about as poorly as they could.  They would have been much better asking your relative to have you contact them if you decided to place your child and wanted to talk to them about a possible match.

    I'm so sorry this couple is acting out the very worst baby-hungry, selfish stereotype of waiting/prospective adoptive parents. 


  • Huh, yeah that doesn't really sit well with me either.

    Most of the PAPs I met with were nice and respectful, I just didn't click very well with them or I just didn't see myself placing with them.

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  • Wow.  Just wow.  I would be pissed as well!  I'm so sorry that you had to go through that - good that you asked who it was and confronted her.  

    If those folks were sending out cards - certainly a better approach would have been to get the card to you for your consideration - without giving any of your information to the PAP.  Or to give you info on their agency and if you were interested in reviewing another PAP then you could reach out to the agency. That the PAP's didn't suggest that is sad.  I can't imagine presuming to call directly and invade someone's privacy like that.

    I hope your mom's cousin understood where you were coming from or at the very least won't do that again!

    All the best to you in your pregnancy and decision making. 

    Married mom of 3 bio kids - trying to grow the family through adoption - either DIA or Fost-Adopt.
  • So, so, so gross. SO GROSS and lacking in even the most basic courtesy. And entitled. And gross!! I'm super mad for you!!!
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  • Agree, they should have given your cousin their information and then you would have had the ability to call them if you wanted to.  Well at least you found the culprit and hopefully set them straight.  I don't see anything wrong with networking it is just the approach that they utilized which was wrong and tacky.
    image

    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15


  • I am sorry... I am sure it feels awful.

    It's interesting though... I have seen PAPs post about getting contact info from family/friends/coworkers for a Emom who wants to place.  I've seen people on this board encourage them to make t he first contact.   

    I think you sharing your perspective may help (at least me) offer better suggestions for PAPs that faced with making the decision to call or not call.

    Question-- would you have been open to your aunt giving you this couple's phone number? Or would you rather have had your aunt give you a profile?  I am asking because this issue will undoubtedly come up w/PAPs again and I'd like to know how an EMom would best receive this information.

     
    PS-  I think of you often Greentea... sending a big hug. 

    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
  • imagesilliestbunny:

    I am sorry... I am sure it feels awful.

    It's interesting though... I have seen PAPs post about getting contact info from family/friends/coworkers for a Emom who wants to place.  I've seen people on this board encourage them to make t he first contact.   

    I think you sharing your perspective may help (at least me) offer better suggestions for PAPs that faced with making the decision to call or not call.

    Question-- would you have been open to your aunt giving you this couple's phone number? Or would you rather have had your aunt give you a profile?  I am asking because this issue will undoubtedly come up w/PAPs again and I'd like to know how an EMom would best receive this information.

     
    PS-  I think of you often Greentea... sending a big hug. 

    Honestly, I'd rather my mom's cousin to have called me and been like "Bee, I was wondering if you're still looking for a couple and I know a good couple who's looking to adopt if you'd like to learn more about them." and then I wouldn't have been put in just this awkward situation with not knowing what to say or anything.  I just don't think it's very polite to call the e-mom directly... Instead ask whoever knows her to talk to her first if she'd be open to it. I'm personally not open to it but another e-mom might be.

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  • I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, I know you have so much going on and your mom's cousin is certainly not helping.  I'm glad you found the source, hopefully they will not be calling anymore.


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  • I agree with Bee. I was given birthson's parents info and decided to call them. I don't think they ever would have called me about it - I think they have better manners than that. They were also very considerate of my emotional well-being, and I think calling kind of sends a message that you just want a baby.

    [I mean, there are totally times when I just want another baby, but I'd never act on it, KWIM?] 

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