We need a mass vent after holidays

missyishere · November 2012

I know a lot of you had some interesting holiday moments with irritating relatives, so why don't we let it all out.

Go!

AngLK987 · November 2012

Nothing major here.

My sister is extremely inconsiderate, always has been, so why is my step-mom still surprised by her behavior? It's a 2.5 hour drive to my dad's house from her house +/-. She told us she would stop and pick up our grandfather, My SM asked her to pick him up at 11 or 11:30. Thursday morning about 9:30 she asked me to call my sister and ask her ETA so she could let my grandfather know, and she hadn't left her house yet, and wasn't sure what time she would be. She ended up picking him up at about 12:15-12:30, and dinner was at 1. My Step-mom was angry and repeatedly asked my brother and I why she would "plan her trip this way" as if we would know. Seriously, there was NOTHING she could do about it at that point so why get angry about it, they were in time for dinner, re-f*ing-lax.

My step-mom occasionally drives me BSC.

missyishere · November 2012

My dad has gotten on my last nerve. He's been with us for 5 days now, and he's worn his welcome. He likes to dictate and argue about everything I say or do. When it comes to my child, I will not tolerate him telling me how to do anything. He's been much more present the last few years, but he sucked as a parent growing up. He lived 300 miles away from me, and he definitely didn't raise me. He has no right to tell me how to do anything for my child. Grrr!

AngLK987 · November 2012

lisajay09:
We were invited to Thanksgiving Dinner at DH's aunt's house. When we go there we were told that there was no seat at the table for DS, but the 3 other children, all in the same age group, and including DD, all had a seat or a highchair. We were told to sit him in our laps. We had brought our booster seat and all we needed was a chair as the seat has a tray. Apparantly someone has something against DS since they wouldn't even give us a folding chair for him. The whole meal was a disaster. There was nothing to drink except cheap gallon jug O red wine or sparkling apple cider. No water. Nothing. My kids ate nothing. I ate nothing. DH was furious with everyone. We brought 55 dollars worth of pies and she didn't say thank you. This will be our LAST Thanksgiving there. I'd rather get a bucket of KFC and some biscuits...and a freaking soda.

You win. Wow. what dbags.

RoxRing · November 2012

Eh...my MIL is not bad at all, but I just don't agree with her a lot on certain things. Things like she doesn't think its a big deal to not have a rear facing seat um, yeah, you won't be driving my son around until he is two then, she would cover him in blankets as an infant freaked me the H out, didn't believe he had dairy problems etc, but shes not overly pushy about stuff and I try not to argue...I don't need the conflict. This past holiday she made the comment to me when talking about someone else 'well its so much easier to go to work then to be at home with your kid'. Which kind of annoyed me because I'm a working mom. Now, I do agree with her, but she basically was saying that person was copping out by going to work which isn't cool.

Ms.Jade · November 2012

My brother and SIL are morons who do everything in their power to either a) split their kids up among the grandmas so that they can have alone time or b) take their kids over to "visit" the grandmas so that they can all get out of the house and "make the day go faster". I swear if you didn't want kids you probably shouldn't have had them. We all need some help now and then. I get it. But EVERY WEEKEND? They never have all 3 of their kids at once. They can't handle it. Again, poor planning on their parts. While most of us come up with weekend plans that will be interesting, or fun or stimulating for our children, they call up my mom or her mom every weekend and "visit". These visits consist of them sitting on their asses while other people watch their children. We live in LA. There are TONS of things to do with the kids. But nope. Their kids have never been to the Natural History Museum. Or the Children's Museum or any place like that. And heaven forbid my mom have the audacity to have made actual plans. Then they blow up my phone or my sisters. TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN KIDS!!!! These are people who send one kid to sleep at her mom's house one night each week. Seriously?! And it's not like they're stressed out. Neither of them work!

OK. On to holiday vent. So in keeping with their moronic nature my brother has a wedding rehearsal to attend on Tuesday night. Ok. Most of us, if our husband was going out for the evening, would stay home with our kids and, I don't know, read a flippin book, or watch a holiday movie or bake cookies or just exist. Nope. He drops them all off at my mom's while my mom, my sister, and my sisters MIL are all in a marathon baking session for Thanksgiving. Fine. But now everyone is sick because one of the kids had a cold. Heaven forbid we STAY THE FLIP AT HOME when our kids are sick!!!

So now E is sick. I get it. She is gonna get sick. And it's part of being a toddler. But in my experience at playdates, story time, baby classes, music class etc. when your kid is getting over a cold you give the other moms a heads up. "Oh little Emily has a bit of a cough," or whatever. Just as a courtesy. But he and his moron of a wife are so incapable of looking after their own kids that they don't care if they are carrying the black plague, they are coming to your house, ready or not. Once they called us up and asked us to meet them over at moms to hang out. I almost went but we (GASP) had plans to take E to a playdate with another baby and her family and were not relying on my mom to be our sole entertainment. Turns out they all had some wicked stomach virus that landed my usually very strong mom (the woman is a nurse for cripes sake) in the urgent care with fever, chills, vomiting and diarrhea. E was only 6 months at the time and I shudder to think how she would have felt had she caught that!

Oh boy this turned out really long. My point is that they need to accept that they didn't plan their lives well and ended up with 3 kids that they are not prepared to handle. Then they need to decide to make the best of it and not make it a burden on everyone else they know. They need to get a book of "Things to do with your kids," that does not include Dump Them On Grandma or Other Unsuspecting Relative, and they need to give people a head's up when their kids are possible outbreak monkeys.

How's that for a rant?! If you read all of this, thank you.

kagl08 · November 2012

DH and I spent days preparing and a couple hundred dollars. We hosted. Took all morning preparing and hrs of work. Dinner was at 3, but people were told to come early for apps and you know... To visit!! Yep. Well they all showed up at 2:55. No joke. Then ate, rushed dessert, then everyone left by 5:30. All that work, all that time and money for 2.5 hrs. Fun. And we've done this for 4 years, so us hosting wasn't something new.

Then to top it off the house was left a disaster and no barely helped clean. Then we were told to bring the desserts left over to my grandmothers house. No one wanted leftovers (fine by me) and they just skirted out.

So sad...

missyishere · November 2012

Ms.Jade:
My brother and SIL are morons who do everything in their power to either a split their kids up among the grandmas so that they can have alone time or b take their kids over to "visit" the grandmas so that they can all get out of the house and "make the day go faster". I swear if you didn't want kids you probably shouldn't have had them. We all need some help now and then. I get it. But EVERY WEEKEND? They never have all 3 of their kids at once. They can't handle it. Again, poor planning on their parts. While most of us come up with weekend plans that will be interesting, or fun or stimulating for our children, they call up my mom or her mom every weekend and "visit". These visits consist of them sitting on their asses while other people watch their children. We live in LA. There are TONS of things to do with the kids. But nope. Their kids have never been to the Natural History Museum. Or the Children's Museum or any place like that. And heaven forbid my mom have thenbsp;audacitynbsp;to have made actual plans. Then they blow up my phone or my sisters. TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN KIDS!!!! These are people who send one kid to sleep at her mom's house one night each week. Seriously?! And it's not like they're stressed out. Neither of them work!OK. On to holiday vent. So in keeping with their moronic nature my brother has a wedding rehearsal to attend on Tuesday night. Ok. Most of us, if our husband was going out for the evening, would stay home with our kids and, I don't know, read a flippin book, or watch a holiday movie or bake cookies or just exist. Nope. He drops them all off at my mom's while my mom, my sister, and my sisters MIL are all in a marathon baking session for Thanksgiving. Fine. But now everyone is sick because one of the kids had a cold. Heaven forbid we STAY THE FLIP AT HOME when our kids are sick!!!So now E is sick. I get it. She is gonna get sick. And it's part of being a toddler. But in my experience at playdates, story time, baby classes, music class etc. when your kid is getting over a cold you give the other moms a heads up. "Oh little Emily has a bit of a cough," or whatever. Just as a courtesy. But he and his moron of a wife are so incapable of looking after their own kids that they don't care if they are carrying the black plague, they are coming to your house, ready or not. Once they called us up and asked us to meet them over at moms to hang out. I almost went but we GASP had plans to take E to a playdate with another baby and her family and were not relying on my mom to be our sole entertainment. Turns out they all had some wicked stomach virus that landed my usually very strong mom the woman is a nurse for cripes sake in the urgent care with fever, chills, vomiting andnbsp;diarrhea. E was only 6 months at the time and I shudder to think how she would have felt had she caught that!Oh boy this turned out really long. My point is that they need to accept that they didn't plan their lives well and ended up with 3 kids that they are not prepared to handle. Then they need to decide to make the best of it and not make it a burden on everyone else they know. They need to get a book of "Things to do with your kids," that does not include Dump Them On Grandma or Other Unsuspecting Relative, and they need to give people a head's up when their kids are possible outbreak monkeys.nbsp;How's that for a rant?! If you read all of this, thank you. nbsp;

Do I get a prize? I'm sorry your brother and SIL are craptastic parents. This sounds very similar to an acquaintance of mine. She has 4 kids, one who is only a few months old. She and her boyfriend go out every weekend, and one of those weekends was only a week post baby. They have 7 kids between the two of them and watch none of them full time.

AngLK987 · November 2012

Jade, that's a lot to quote, but holyshitballs they need a reality check. However, it sounds like the grandmothers are enabling a bit and should really be the ones to back off and force them to parent their own children.

poor kids!!!

Ms.Jade · November 2012

AngLK987:
Jade, that's a lot to quote, but holyshitballs they need a reality check. However, it sounds like the grandmothers are enabling a bit and should really be the ones to back off and force them to parent their own children. poor kids!!!

I think you're right. But her mom doesn't work either (anyone sensing a trend?) and honestly has nothing better to do, and when my mom says no which is a lot, you would not believe the guilt trip they lay on her complete with FB posts about how awesome a grandmother her mom is. It's disgusting. I need to stop letting this upset me though and just mind my own business.

Missy - It's nice to know my relations aren't the only winners out there. How awful for those kids!

Elsa1984 · November 2012

Ms.Jade:
AngLK987:
Jade, that's a lot to quote, but holyshitballs they need a reality check. However, it sounds like the grandmothers are enabling a bit and should really be the ones to back off and force them to parent their own children. poor kids!!!
I think you're right. But her mom doesn't work either (anyone sensing a trend?) and honestly has nothing better to do, and when my mom says no which is a lot, you would not believe the guilt trip they lay on her complete with FB posts about how awesome a grandmother her mom is. It's disgusting. I need to stop letting this upset me though and just mind my own business.  
Missy - It's nice to know my relations aren't the only winners out there. How awful for those kids! 

Nope, not the only ones. I have posted before about my friends who didn't want kids , ended up with 3u2....yes, you are seeing that right....3u2. Live the life of kid free people. Had never taken their kids on any vacations, zoo , park, etc. The kids were left with the sitter during the day, and as soon as they got off work...the kids were left with a different sitter or grandparent so they could go out with their kid free friends. And they were so demanding and rude to the grandparents , yet the grandparents always dropped everything to watch the kids. Sad.

ellewoodsSC · November 2012

We had dinner at FIL's house and he's a great cook, but he skirts every food safety rule known to man. After watching the raw ribs sit out for days!!! to defrost, marinade and come to room temp, and despite protests from us and the BILs, he still thinks we are just too clean and uptight. He had the gall to wonder why I didn't want DD to have any of the ribs. I've never gotten sick from his food, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

We finally got to see DH grandmother (for possibly the last time as travel is getting very difficult at her age and she lives in Hawaii) but she spent most of her time on her computer emailing and talking to her old friends and family about other dead friends and relatives instead of spending time with the living.

ETA more stuff

Elsa1984 · November 2012

My vent:

SIL and BIL will be down staying at my IL's for the next four weekends. My IL's are tired of it, they want their house to themselves, but understand because they are either coming down for holidays or for their son's acting class. Fine. But your kid is 16 and his dad lives down here, why not send him on the train and have his dad get him to and from class? My FIL just retired and changed his golf days around to take my nephew while he is down here. Again, his dad is down here. His dad and SM, currently working on their second baby together, bringing the total to six kids. Meanwhile, my niece and nephew sleep in the tent trailer, couch or floor when they visit because the house is like 1,000 sq ft and they don't have beds. Stop having kids.

My SIL walks all over my IL's and they never say anything. She makes a mess and doesnt clean up after herself, she sleeps in most of the day, she leaves her kids with IL's and takes off with her husband to hang out with friends. Anyway, SIL called MIL to say they would be there this weekend, and that their son was bringing a friend so they would need to pump up the air mattress. I was sitting there having wine with MIL when this convo happened on speaker phone. MIL is very nice and never says no, but after SIL said something about bringing a friend, MIL said "You know, you guys were here the past FOUR days. You will be here the next FOUR weekends. You now have the kitten and that crazy thing comes with you guys over here and is pissing in a box in MY shop apartment. I don't mind you guys staying but now you have the kitten and you are in and out of here all of the time and eat my food and I have to keep cleaning up after you guys both during and after your stay. I don't want anymore people here. My house is NOT a hotel!"

Ohhhhh SNAP!

joolz17 · November 2012

Lisajay, that is so rude!

blu-eyedwife · November 2012

My vent is stupid and selfish, but so be it.

DH's birthday was the day after Thanksgiving. Because we were coming up to stay with my mom for the holiday, I arranged for her to watch the baby and dog while DH and I spent Saturday night at a hotel. The plan was to have a "grown up" night where we could have dinner, spend some time the two of us, sleep uninterrupted through the night and wake up on our own instead of being woken up, then go out for a nice breakfast. LBB has been a handful lately. My mom says she's never seen separation anxiety so bad. (I can't cross the room away from him without him throwing himself on the floor hysterically).

Except DH really wanted to see a movie ON his birthday. So my mom and aunt watched LBB while DH and I went to see Life of Pi on Friday. I texted her we were on our way home, and immediately got a phone call from my brother who was at the ER with my mom. (SIL and my aunt were home with LBB). She gave the dogs a high-value treat, they started fighting, and she stuck her hands between them and got bit. She was at the ER getting stitches in her right hand.

After I was done feeling incredibly guilty, I've been angry. I'm angry at my mom for being so irresponsible lately and making stupid decisions. I'm angry that our entire weekend ended up being canceled - no birthday breakfast for DH, no birthday dinner for DH, no hotel for either of us because I wasn't going to leave my one-handed, irresponsible mother with 2 dogs and a baby. I'm angry because when I offered her and her boyfriend the hotel room so it wouldn't go to waste, she couldn't drop everything and head out fast enough, calling this morning to say she'd be home after they had breakfast at the beach. I'm angry because I feel like DH and I don't have anyone we can depend on family-wise with LBB.

aml+japan · November 2012

We celebrated Thanksgiving by having a group of friends over since neither us nor our friends have family nearby, and even though it was my house I felt like I spent the whole time defending my LO. She's been down with a cold and having so many people in our house was overwhelming, so she reverted back to her old clingtomommy behavior that she hasn't shown in months. One of my friends in particular is a bigger woman with a loud voice and L has always been scared to death of her. Yesterday was no different, but this time my friend was openly criticizing L for not being used to her yet, saying quote all babies love her, there's something wrong with this kid and we've got to get her into day care because she's antisocial. WTF! L does go to day care once a week plus play groups where she's FINE, thank you very much! And my other friends asked me if she always hangs off of me like that and how do I get anything done? Half of me was embarrassed and the other half defensive, but I couldn't really do anything because my friends cooked everything except the pie and did all the cleaning up since I couldn't move.

Oh well, it's time to put this holiday behind me and concentrate on the next one.

Gipper0809 · November 2012

Mine aren't horrific but I was hurt and super irritated.

MIL stayed with us for a week. She has zero social skills and normally doesn't say much but this week she decided to let me know all of the parenting mistakes I make. Comments like "DD doesn't act like that when it's just me" and "she never does that when you're not around". And apparently my 4 year old told her that DH and I yell and it makes her sad. Um, we rarely argue and my 4 year old is a drama queen. MIL takes her word for it and lectures me. And tells me that she explained to DD how she should handle things when mom and dad fight. Ugh. So not cool. I was ticked off--poor DH, I called him crying about his mom.

Nothing awful but she's always handing out back handed and passive agressive comments like this and it drives me nuts!

And SIL who is a teacher, decided to start the whole wahm vs. sahm debate with me. She looked right at me and said that it is so much easier to stay home than it is to go to work, etc. Even if I thought that, I would never say it to the face of a stay at home mom, especially one with a 4 year old, 1 year old and is 37 weeks pg! Ugh. (she has one 2 year old)

And I'm slightly annoyed that DH let me fight my own battles. I want him to yell back, "she's an awesome mom, so shut it!".

leahandbuck · November 2012

We split the day between the ILs and my family.

My ILs are very loud people. They think it is perfectly fine to get in DD's face and yell and then don't understand why she is afraid of them. She has only seen most of these people a couple of times in her life so it's not like she knows them. So, I spent that entire dinner holding her because as soon as I sat her down each time someone else would yell and scare the crap out of her.

My parents went to South Carolina on Wednesday night because my sister was having her baby. So, they were not at our family dinner, which kind of sucked because my dad hasn't seen H in over a month but I was completely supportive and even encouraged them to go to South Carolina for my sister.

As soon as we walked in my grandma's house I thought something was on fire because the house was filled with so much smoke. Then I realized that it was cigarette smoke from my great aunt and great uncle and their kids. They are the only people in the family that smoke and they thought it was completely acceptable to sit around the table lighting up cigarette after cigarette. It was 70 degrees on Thanksgiving and it did not even cross their minds that it would be nice if they could take their nasty cigarettes outside. Not only was DD there, but my cousin's 5 month old was too. I was so pissed. We were only there for 1 hour and 45 minutes and we spent 75% of the time outside. If they are coming down for Christmas we will not be going down to my grandmas unless I get a guarantee before that they will be smoking outside.

pennysuedog · November 2012

I'm sorry you guys had an unpleasant holiday.

kagl08: This is how a feel at birthdays, all that work that goes unappreciated. Seeing your pinterest posts I'm sure your dinner was spectacular.

Blu: I'm don't think your feelings are selfish. You spent so much time trying to plan something special for your husband.

I know you have said you have anxiety issues, I hate the feeling of not having control too. After all that time planning I'm sure it was crushing to feel let down by your mother, the one person most of us depend on with out a doubt. I would have been pissed too! I hope you guys can plan something special back at home.

Jade: Having three kids is like a walking circus and we often seek out help, but we also do plenty of fun things with our kids. I agree with you, your relatives need to start taking responsibility and the Grandmas need to show some tough love.

Stewartandmaura · November 2012

kagl08:
DH and I spent days preparing and a couple hundred dollars. We hosted. Took all morning preparing and hrs of work. Dinner was at 3, but people were told to come early for apps and you know... To visit!! Yep. Well they all showed up at 2:55. No joke. Then ate, rushed dessert, then everyone left by 5:30. All that work, all that time and money for 2.5 hrs. Fun. And we've done this for 4 years, so us hosting wasn't something new.
Then to top it off the house was left a disaster and no barely helped clean. Then we were told to bring the desserts left over to my grandmothers house. No one wanted leftovers (fine by me) and they just skirted out.
So sad...

That is sad. I'm sorry you put in all that work for people who clearly weren't appreciative.

I have the opposite problem. (Not this year. We missed Thanksgiving because E was sick.) I host a Christmas lunch/gift exchange every year. I put on the invite it would start at 12:30 thinking they would have lunch and then we'd have the evening free to clean up, relax, etc. Everyone stayed. The last person left at 11pm. At one point, our drinks were getting low, a good cue to leave in my book, but instead, they made a beer run! It was fun, but man, that made for a LONG day.

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